8yr old daughter -is this normal behavior?

[unsuremom]

my daughter is 8yrs old and it takes several requests before she will actually do it. We are now having to yell at her to get things down whether it be homework or clean room. She can be bossy with her friends and are concerned that she may end up with no friends due to this. We have tried taking away things she likes,not allowing to do extra curricular activities and she still acts this way. She receives good grades in school but has had issues with disturbing others. Both parents work and we leave every morning angry because she is always late for school.  It is becoming very frustrating!
We also have a 2yr old son and she is very good to him and acts like a 2nd mom.
We try to do mother/daughter and father/daughter times but it is getting to the point that we don't do this because it ends up a disaster and she does not listen.
Is this normal behavior?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The behavior is normal, but that does not mean you should let it go. First, your daughter will change to the extent that you can change. The most important thing is to get out of the habit of saying things over and over. This just 'teaches' her not to take you seriously, and it increases the chances that you will become angry. Second, maintain your equanimity. There's no need to get angry about this sort of behavior. Issue directions no more than twice. If the second time is required, do it in the form of an ultimatum: "(Name), unless you ......, you are going to time out." I fshe does not comply, place her in time out immediately, for a period of approximately 10 minutes. Track the time with a digital timer. Start the timer only when she is seated and quiet. For good, practical behavior management guidance, read Lynn Clark's useful book: SOS: Help for Parents.

[frustrated_in_VA]

Having the same problem with my 10yr old girl.  Taking everything out of her room that she doesn't need, hoping this will knock some sense into her.  1 week before Christmsas, too... very frustrating.  Anyone with ideas of the best way to handle this?  Tried heart-to-hearts, where it seemed like she understood; tried yelling and grounding, again, seemed like she would realize what she's doing, but no luck.  :-(

[singlemom76]

My 8 year old is becoming violent with me. i dont know what happened but just over the last year things have been difficult. I am a single parent and we moved back home with my parents. To try to save money and things. This so far has been hard. But I thought things would be great. We are back at mom and dad. She has everything she needs.Just recently since school started she has become lazy. I mean she dont do anything but sit in forn of tv. I took television away and this does not help. She does not bring homework home and she will not do it. I have to force her to do homework and to clean up her room. I have been sick and I dont know if this has an impact or what. But we do things together. She is like my little shadow. I take her out and do things with her. But it seems she is never satisfied. No matter what. I dont drive but we get to where we need to go. Every weekend we are alwyas doing things and the only thing I ask her to do is to keep her room up and study. Now she is hitting me and hurting me. I try to spank her but this does not work. she keeps doing it over and over. I know things are not good here at my parents. My mother does not want me to discipline her because she had raised her children already and she doesnt want to hear that. She has stressed this over and over again to me in front of my 8 year old. She says we need our own place. I am in the process of doing and working on. I get no support from no one with her. My parents support me by helping getting her off to school and being there when she gets home home from school. So I appreciate them. I dont know what I am doing wrong. I am at my wits end and I need help.I am struggling and I thought we were ok. but it is just lately I cant seem to get her to do anything. I try talking and taking things away she just does it over and over. Last night was the worst. She just start puching me for nothing. I just came out here searching the web to see what I can find. To see if anyone have any answers...

[lmroswell]

Being a single mom is not easy.  Being a mom is not easy.  You and your parents need to get on the same page in dealing with your daughter.  Tell your mom not to discuss discipline issues in front of your daughter.  Talk to your mom and ask her how you both can help to discipline your daughter.  But have this talk without your daughter around.  The next time she misbehaves, you and your parents can respond without having a conflict is discipline principles.  I would not tolerate being hit at all, and even though she is 10 years old, a nice long time out in a chair in the corner of a room would be good for her.

[mushupork]

I understand what you are going through, My husband and I were just granted custody of his now 9 year old daughter.  She is having some major behavioral issues, thinking she has alot of regression, even though, it is unexceptable.  We have tried everything from reasoning, taking away her "gold", she has tantrums and throws things, kicks me, screams obsenities at us. The thing is I have known her since she was born, Her father and mother were never an item, well only for a week or so, she was the result.  She was taken away from her mom when she was three and placed with the maternal grandma since we recently won a long custody battle.  Anyway, we have her in counseling, and it helps.  My worry is when she gets older and hormones play a role, how worse can this get?

[dontakedrugs]

MORE DAMNING EVIDENCE ABOUT ADHD `MEDICATION`


Thursday, January 5, 2006 - Page updated at 12:00 AM



Reported risks spur new study of ADHD drugs
By Andrew Bridges

The Associated Press

WASHINGTON — Reports of sudden deaths, strokes, heart attacks and hypertension in both children and adults taking drugs to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are spurring new government study into the medications' safety.

Sales of drugs to treat ADHD have increased sharply in recent years, with use growing at a faster rate among adults than children, according to a recent study by Medco Health Solutions, a prescription benefit manager. Spending on ADHD drugs soared from $759 million in 2000 to $3.1 billion in 2004, according to IMS Health, a pharmaceutical information and consulting firm.

The Food and Drug Administration said it had received reports of what it called "serious adverse events" — including deaths — in association with the therapeutic use of the drugs. The agency considers the reports "rare though serious," FDA spokeswoman Susan Bro said Wednesday.

The FDA's Canadian counterpart, Health Canada, yanked the ADHD drug Adderall (adderrall) XR from the market for six months last year in response to reports of 20 sudden deaths and 12 strokes in adults and children using the drug. A number of the cases involved children with structural heart defects.

The panel eventually concluded there was inadequate evidence of increased harm from Adderall (adderrall) XR compared with other available therapies, a conclusion the FDA also reached based on data on hand.

Now the U.S. regulatory agency is asking its Drug Safety and Risk Management advisory committee to examine ways of studying further the potential cardiovascular risks of the drugs. The few studies that have looked at longer-term use of ADHD drugs provide little information on those risks, the FDA said.

The committee is to meet Feb. 9-10 in Gaithersburg, Md.

"The issue of drug treatment of attention deficit disorder in children has been a controversial one without this issue of cardiovascular risk, too. It adds another concern to what will certainly be an interesting conversation," said Arthur Levin, the FDA committee's consumer representative.

A posting to the FDA Web site did not identify any of the drugs by name. However, the most commonly used ADHD drugs include Adderall (adderrall) XR, made by Shire Pharmaceuticals, and Ritalin, made by Novartis Pharmaceuticals. Various other companies make generic versions of Ritalin as well.

Shire spokesman Matthew Cabrey said the company had not been told of the meeting but added it may send representatives. Novartis did not immediately return a call seeking comment.

Copyright © 2006 The Seattle Times Company