9 YEAR OLD BITES HIMSELF

[SPATTS64]

MY 9 YEAR OLD SON HAS BEGUN BITING HIMSELF. HE IS VERY BRIGHT COMMUNICATES VERY WELL, THE PROBLEM SEEMS TO HAPPEN WHEN HE IS TOLD TO DO THINGS LIKE HOMEWORK, CHORES IN A TIMELY MANNER. IT SEEMS IT COMES OUT OF FRUSTRATION AND BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO. BUT ALSO WHEN HE WILL PUT SHOES ON SOMETIMES HE WILL GO OFF. HE DOES VERY WELL IN SCHOOL IN A GIFTED CLASS BUT HAS BEEN HAVING PROLEMS AT SCHOOL WITH A POPULAR BOY WHO TEASES HIM BADLY.HE DOES MAKE OUTBURSTS LIKE YOU SHOULD JUST KILL ME , IF YOU DONT LIKE HOW I DO THINGS. I TRY TO BE AS  PATIENT AS I CAN. I HAVE TRYED TO STEP BACK COUNT TO 10 . MY HUSBAND MUCH MORE PATIENT THEN I IS AT HIS WITTS END. IS THIS JUST A PHASE OR DOES MY SON NEED HELP ? MY SON IS ALWAYS VERY LOVING AND AFTER THESE OUTBURSTS HE IS SO VERY SORRY AND TELLS ME HE REALLY DOES TRY TO LISTEN. WE DID SPANK HIM BUT HAVE STOPPED AND DO NOW TAKE HIS FAVORITE THINGS AWAY. TRYING A REWARD SYSTEM NOW. HE LOVES TO COOK BUT LOSSES IT WHEN ASKES TO CLEAN UP. HE LOVES SPORTS PLAYS A LOT OF THEM BEST AT GOLF.DOES NOT HAVE ALOT OF FRIENDS. HE REMINDS ME OF AN OLD MAN IN A LITTLE KIDS MIND. HE LIKES TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING AND LIKES ADULTS. HE CAN BE HAPPY PLAYING GIJOES FOR HOURS. OR FISHING ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE.JUST NEED SOME ADVICE.                                   THANKS SPATTS64

[brigorjarjul]

I was just reading how you said that your child bites himself.  My son is now 5 years old and when he was 2 he was biting himself everytime he got angry with himself or someone or if his shirt was bugging him.  We went through that for a year and 1/2.  My son also is one of the most polite child you would ever meet.  We were lucky that when he start day care that there was a Preschool conselor on site.  The first day my son started they wanted to take him on.  They worked with us by giving us ways to deal with him.  They even gave guidelines to the Teachers on how to work with him.  Our child was diagnosed with ADD.  I know it might not be the same situation but eventually we had no choice to put him on meds.  It hurt at first to hear that because being that I used to be an Educator in a Day Care and always told Parents to never consider meds unless it is the last resort.  Now my worst fears were coming true.  To tell you the truth it was the best decision that my husband and I could of made.  Along with teachers help, he has not bit himself since.  Don't get me wrong he still has his outburst by maybe screaming, throwing things.  But our goal is to teach him to control his own anger and hopefully to get him off the meds.  He is more enjoyable to be with.  I might not of helped you but I wanted to tell my situation with the bitting.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It sounds like your son has a number of significant stengths against a backdrop of (a) difficulty with frustration and (b) delayed social development with peers. While he can probably manage fine without professional assistance, therapy might afford him the opportunity to develop better strategies to handle frustrating events (he will, after all, face such events throughout his life) and to address his reticence around intercating socially with peers. Use of an incentive system is a good strategy to support him in managing frustration. Be sure to employ rewards that have some meaning to him. For example, if he likes to play video games, have his use of such games contingent, on a day-by-day basis, on avoiding the episodes you describe as 'losing it'.