9 YEAR OLD SON IS VINDICTIVE

My nine year old foster son is adhd. he has been on meds since he was four. he was put in a behaviorl hospital a few months back, they changed his meds and for a few weeks he was doing a lot better. now he has regressed. he will not fall asleep at night,no matter how long he is left in his dark bedroom.(well he will at some pointbut does not get enough sleep) he has set fires in his bedroom then denies doing it. will sneak and steal things( candy coke money or anything else someone else has and he wants. when we punish him we turn our backs and he will be doing the same thing again, he will also destroy our stuff when he gets a chance(he says because he is mad at us). this morning i went to work and my wife calls me and says that he has pooped all over his bedroom and wiped it everywhere. i dont know what to do. he acts good around the doctors for the most parts and they act like we are doing everything right, but the behavior is getting worse. i am lost as to what to do. we are at our witts end please help us it is starting to stress us all out and i am worried one of us is going to lose it whether it be me my wife or my son. please help!

[margypops]

This child sounds very unhappy, Have they checked its not the Meds again. If he is unhappy at night and cant go to sleep could you let him have a light on and Read, does he go to bed too early,There are a lot of unanswered questions here, Are there other children in the house how does he get on with them, how is he at school? His behavior tells me there is a cry for help that is not being heard. Maybe he needs to do more activitys could you do guy things with him some sport or game he likes. In the long term if its not working I guess you have to speak to whoever deals with the Fostering and see if they can help,,Firstly try a lot of attention and Kindness.It may work.

[Helpless_Mom]

I have worked with foster children before as a caseworker, my first reaction is how many foster homes has he been in? These kids usually feel not wanted, they are afraid to get close to anyone because of the fear they won't be there long, unfortunately many foster kids go through many homes before someone will stick it out. Many kids have told me they will purposely do bad things because they would rather cause the problem, then face the hurt of rejection yet again. I'm not sure your situation but it sounds to me he needs some reassurrance that no matter what he does that is his home. Tell him you love him and you would much rather see the good in him, give him something to do to help out that he enjoys. He needs to feel that he belongs, and that he is a part of your family.

[margypops]

Yes try all of the above ,Today,

[SUGARPLUM344]

I'm pretty sure this child has Reactive Attachment Disorder.   Telling him you love him and that this is home is not going to help.  In many of  these cases love is not enough.  He needs a therapist who specializes in attachment disorders.   There is a book called "When Love is Not Enough" that is about foster kids and attachment disorders.  If you google this disorder you will see that the symptoms he is displaying (starting fires, feces smearing, stealing, lying) are all part of this.  I would look for a trained therapist immediately.  

[Calgontakemeaway]

Hi there,

My stepson (also 9) exhibits most of those behaviors as well. He has lived with me since he was 2 and does not know I am not his biological mother. He was also diagnosed with ADHD at age 4, however as much as that has helped, the odd behavior continues. He also is fascinated with knives and digs apart his bed, sheets and anything else he can tear up.

He has just been diagnosed with ARND, this is a type of FAS, there are only slight facial characteristics that may resemble the FAS, however his brain function after thorough cognitive testing showed positive for brain damage.

As with you, no form of punishment has ever worked. When he s caught at something he jumps, showing that he knows it is wrong. The thing is, he actually does not. The things that he does are usually sensory seeking in some way, as with him all of his senses have been effected by the brain damage. (Some things he does are not, they are just plain odd...)

The reason I tell this tale is that perhaps his case worker could delve into his file and see if there is a chance of this being a form of FASD.

We have had a FASD educator come out and meet with us and it is amazing the insight that she has been able to provide that makes so much sense. Finally after all of these years we are able to at least understand and that is half the battle. She offers tools for us to try that have worked to help curb some of the odd behaviors.

I hope for this little boys sake that he does not have this as it is irreversible and will effect him for the rest of his life.