9 Year Old Sexual Exploration with 8 Year Old Opposite Sex Cousin
Our 9 yr old son approached us with some real difficulty the other day and let us know that while he was taking a shower with his 8 year old cousin that he asked her to sit on his private parts so that their private parts touched. At first he only told us that they touched each others private parts but over a period of 24 hours with some additional questions we got the full detail. My son felt very bad and even told my wife that he didn't think he should take a shower with her again. My wife has been in tears for the last 24 hours and I'm fully responsible because I was watching a rated R movie a few nights ago and did not realize my son was in the room when a fairly explicit sexual scene played out. Needless to say I've committed to never watching a rated R movie at home again and we have locked out satellite system so no R or Nudity movies can be shown. My wife is terrified to tell her sister (cousin's mom)and I'm not sure how to best coach my boy through this. Do you think it is important we tell the other child's mother...if so we will and finally, do you have any counseling. Thanks, Concerned Parent.
Yes, by all means tell the girl's parents. You can imagine how this might be if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak. You would want to know what happened.
Now, you've already learned the most important lesson - do not expose your child to material, information, experiences that are over-stimulating and inappropriate.
Relative to dealing with your son, set a clear, simple, direct, non-punitive limit on the sort of behavior in which he engaged. Simply put, let him know it is not acceptable to touch other people in the manner he did with his cousin, whether the other person is male or female. Exposing one's genital area or buttocks is not permitted, nor is it permitted to permit another person to touch one's genitals or buttocks, and it is not permitted to touch another person that way.
He is old enough now that he should not be bathing with another child, so it would make sense to agree with his inclination. At this age, bathing together is an invitation for inappropriate touching. He'll recover from this fine - let it be a lesson learned.
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