9 month who is VERY HIGH MAINTENANCE

My 9 month old daughter is driving me crazy.  I can't get her on a normal schedule for anything.  Daily her naps change from 15minutes up to 2 hours.  As well as our nights from getting up one time to up every two hours all night.
She doesn't hold still for anything, including diaper changes, or trying to drink a bottle(wiggles everywhere) otherwise she is constantly fidgeting with something/anything.  She gets so tired on days with a 15minute nap and I try repeatedly to no avail to get her to sleep, she squirms, screams, and won't stop even after repeatedly comforting her and even if I lay down with her she still climbs all over me no matter how tired she is. Somedays she just wants to be held all the time, but once you pick her up she is squirming out of your arms so you put her down to find out she wants back up again and again.  If I put her in the floor to play she screams if I walk out of the room for a brief second.  I am home with her all day and at the end of my rope with what to do with her.  I have a ten year old daughter who was colicky and sick with ear infections but she was never half as much work as this one.  I've had her to the doctor repeatedly and explained how high maintenance she is but they keep telling me she is fine.  How can this all be normal for her not to nap and be so high strung all the time?  I am sleep deprived and stressed and I do my best to try and hide all that from her and I do take breaks to recoop myself.  What can I do with her???  Her father has ADD and I am wondering if it is possible for her to have it all ready?  I just want to get on some sort of a schedule and have no idea what is wrong with her or if anything is.  Help!!!

[RockRose]

This is the way my first born son was.  I really couldn't believe how easy other mother's babies were - they could just plop them down on the floor,  or prop them in a high chair and go about their business.  

I had developed a way to put my foot lightly  on my son's chest while I changed his diaper with my hands.  He was interested in EVERYTHING,  ALL THE TIME.  

He's now a sophomore in college and doing great.  Honestly,  I think it's possible she will be diagnosed with ADD in her elementary school years.  Thomas Edison would have been too,  and Albert Einstein.  

Best wishes.  This is so much better than having a child who doesn't want to move,  or isn't interested in things around them.

[margypops]

Thats what Babies do squirm and scream, get some games going with her ,take her a walk to the park, music and singing ,a regular sleep schedule during the day and not too longer one in the afternoon will help with the night time sleeping, some Babies dont need to sleep hours during the day to sleep well at night.All babies are high maintenance, have you a family memeber can give you a break sometimes, if Dad is around get him involved with some play and outside fun.

[tiredbuthappy]

while it may be her temperament, it also sounds to me like she may also be overtired. my little one has always gotten wired when overtired. not only does she get hyper, when she finally does fall asleep, she doesn't sleep as well and wakes up more frequently. on the days when she's overtired, getting her down to nap can be hard. on those days, i used to put her in a rocker chair and rock her until she fell asleep. it's like a larger infant/toddler seat that rocks (DD still fits in it at 18 months). i would close the blinds (had to buy darkening ones) and put on soft lullabyes. i know this will not solve all of your problems- your little one sounds like a tough cookie! but since you have noticed problems when she's overtired, perhaps something like this can help you a little.

[angelina40]

I do realize most babies are high maintenance but my daughter is off the scale and  I have several nieces and nephews and have been around babies my whole life.  This is my second child.  I have tried all of your suggestions and many more but she just will not nap or get on a schedule.  I can barely eat during the day because she wants up all the time and when she's up then she wants down.  Right now she is in her crib screaming because she won't go to sleep.  I have been in there twice now and she still wont calm down.  She has been up since 530am.  I have tried twice to put her down for a nap and with no avail and now she is so tired its ridiculous.  I would like to take a shower sometime this week.  It is now 1245pm and she still refuses to give it up.  How can a 9month old go 12hours with no nap.?

[jdtm]

Angelina40 - you have described my granddaughter when she was a baby - and still to this day can be quite a handful (she is a pre-teen now).  At six years of age, she was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression.  Is there any history of anxiety on either side of the family because your description of your daughter is so reminiscent of our grandchild.  By the way, her parents used as many relatives, neighbours and friends to "babysit" for this child (almost - if not every day of her first six years of life) as they could find (and I'm not exaggerating).  So, if possible, make use of all the help that you can get (even if you have to pay for it).  I might suggest you google the phrase "anxiety and babies" or "anxiety and toddlers" to see if any of the descriptions remind you of your child.  

Just wondering if anxiety might be the issue (and I think many of the behaviours of the anxiety-prone child are very similar to those of the ADD/ADHD child) - in either case, I feel for you.  I wish you the best ,,,,,

[angelina40]

Thanks so much for saying you understand completely.  I was beginning to think I was a bad parent.  I will take your suggestion and google anxiety and babies.  There is a history on my side of depression and anxiety and as far as my husbands side(he's adopted) really not sure.  I do know he struggles with depression off and on.  I guess I never really thought it would affect an infant.  Thanks so much for the advice!!

Do you know how they diagnosed her?  What they told the doctor?  My ten year old is very hormonal and I know puberty is coming on, but she has been this way for years,  easily depressed and cries at drop of a hat.  

[jdtm]

Our granddaughter was diagnosed (officially) by a child psychiatrist at six years of age with selective mutism, social anxiety and depression.  Selective mutism is a behaviour found in children suffering from very severe anxiety (usually social anxiety and/or generalized anxiety).  SM (as selective mutism is often called) has distinct criteria and it was very easy to "figure out" this issue - actually we figured it out ourselves before contacting our granddaughter's physician.  Her physician had never heard of this disorder but was astute and humble enough to get assistance from a child neurologist using the internet (this lack of knowledge re mental health issues in children is common with general physicians and so parents must be especially persistent in seeking proper help).  Anxiety issues are very common in children and from what I know, fairly easy to diagnose (and treat).  One more point - we noticed something "off" with our granddaughter when she was only four hours old - now I know it was severe anxiety and yes, it did present itself at birth.

One book you might find interesting is "the highly sensitive child" by Elaine N. Aron.  If you google the title of this book, you should be able to find information re this topic.  There are also many books and articles on anxiety in bookstores, libraries or on-line if you feel anxiety might be the issue.  By the way, anxiety tends to exacerbate when the child reaches puberty so this could be part of the issue with your ten year-old child.  One interesting aside - our DIL was also adopted and so we did not have the history of her physical/mental and/or emotional health but she does suffer from several mental health issues.  I strongly suspect our granddaughter inherited some of these genetic traits.  Hope this helps ....

[jdtm]

Just read your postings on the "ask a doctor" site.  Yup - everything reminds me of our granddaughter - the non-sleeping, the constant squirming, having to be in her sight all of the time, constipation (big time), stomach aches, hiccups and burping and "bum burping" (these three things were evident at birth), eating issues, and probably she prefers you over her father.  Are there any sensitivities to tags in clothes or smells or sounds or sights?  Does she appear to be exceptionally bright and aware?  Does she appear to be timid around others?  Does she appear to be stubborn and controlling and manipulative - (common misconceptions of children suffering from severe anxiety)?  Just wondering .....

[margypops]

I also have read the posts and it seems Dr Kennedy suggested that your child go to a specialist to see if there are any stomach problems I doubt very much a 9 month old is suffering from anxiety or is stubborn and manipulative,, Perhaps check there are no child/parent interaction problems.

[Lori1162]

Hi I was just wondering do you have trouble with minding to? I have a 2 yr old grand-daughter who does not like to be told no. And if she wants something she wants it now. My daughter-in -law says shes going crazy with the behavior problems, They cant go out to dinner or even grocery shop without her acting up. Shes very smart and talks in full sentences and counts to 10 and knows her ABCS. Shes a beautiful little girl and I love her dearly,  They have tried time outs and that doesnt seem to help.  I wish I had an answer for them. I will say my son her daddy was the best baby out of all 4 of mine as far as minding and easy going. My grand daughter is non stop going from the time she gets up until evening at which time they have to force her to lay down.Usually one of them will have to lay down with her.  Naps are out of the question, she just will not take them.   Any suggestions would be appreciated from anyone out there.