9 year old Anger issues

[loulou48]

I am at a loss....my 9 year old child has been diagnosed with everything from bi-polar to ODD to one Dr. saying its just the way I raise him.  He has anger issues that I can't explain.  He is a very loving and caring child.  He is helpful with other kids and seems to have no issues at school.  He gets angry at the wildest things.  Like not getting his way, or losing at a ball game, or not doing good at a game, if he gets hurt or someone hurts him.  But not all the time.  Only on certain occasions.  He almost gets this glared over look and loses control.  He will hit and kick things, but never another person.  Every Dr. I have taken him to does not seem to know what is going on.  Just looking for some advise.  I should add that this has been an issue since he was 4 years old.  Lisa

[loulou48]

Thanks for the support...both of you!  When he does get in these anger fits, I do put him somewhere ie: him room, the car (if we are out)....and try to let him cool off.  Usually takes about 10 minutes and he come out and acts like nothing happened.  He is fine!  Its like something takes over him.  Again thanks for your responses and I will certainly try some of the above suggestions.  

[benjimom]

Sounds like no one really knows.  That is really hard.  My son sometimes can get like this.  It seems like everyone wants to put a label on kids.  His anger might be reaction to not being in control.  and when he gets angry, he is not able to verbalize it or calm down.

[Sandman2]

   Whew, that's good news.  Also the fact that he has never hit another person.  From the little I know, I think it rules out bipolar for example.  Another question would be, how long does his anger last?  If it goes much beyond 30 min. that would be worrisome.
   You say he gets angry at the wildest things.  Actually I don't think getting angry at, "not getting his way, or losing at a ball game, or not doing good at a game, if he gets hurt or someone hurts him" - is that crazy.  Its how he expresses his anger.  Kind of sounds like he has a learned behavior that started when he was four.  
    Is he kind of perfectionistic- always has to do things almost perfect?  Kids with this trait do tend to have temper problems when things don't go right.
    Anyway, I think (and I am not the expert here - so I hope a few others will get involved), you need to work on ways of communication.  He first needs to learn how not to keep it bottled up inside him until he explodes.  Then its a matter of learning how to release it.  Try and start with some of the little things that make him angry and show him how to deal with it.  I say little things because he will need to find success at coping.  Fortunately, he is old enough that he should be able to understand what you are trying to do.  The fact he doesn't do this at school would seem to indicate he is aware of public approval and doesn't want to lose it.  Finally, once you have tried to show him other ways to cope.  You also need to deal with the anger.  If it loses it at home.  I would do an immediate timeout.  tell him that  in 5 min, you will talk with him.  If he hasn't calmed down come back in another 5 min.  Don't try and talk or argue with him until he has calmed down.  Best wishes!

[loulou48]

Thanks for replying.  No, he has never had an issue at school with anger.  

[Sandman2]

  Is his anger ever been an issue at school.  Has he ever gotten in trouble for "losing it" or hitting another child at school?