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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
9 year old boy putting nails into tire...
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
9 year old boy putting nails into tire...
by sherbear905, Aug 18, 2004 12:00AM
My 9 year old son recently admitted to putting 3 nails into the tire of his babysitter's minivan.
This behavior truly has his father and me "beside ourselves". Our son has always been a very positive, confident, respectful child, a child who plays hard, enjoys sports, does well in school, (occasionally getting in trouble for socializing), and is very affectionate. He has even been known to be comfortable approaching not only his teachers, but even his principal if he has a concern in school.
He is an only child, but spends a considerable amount of time with his cousins. He has not been a "prankster" nor very ornery at all.
His "moments" are very few and far between. This summer, he intervened in a "fight" between a couple of his younger cousins, picking up one of the boys, and "tossing" him about 6 feet away. We were surprised, the cousin is only slightly smaller than our son, and our son's strength seemed unusual. He has recently started, then quickly stopped, slamming his bedroom door when disciplined at home. He has never "talked back" to his father, me, childcare, other family members, teachers, etc. I always try to encourage open communication, but the older he gets, fewer are the things he tells me. He says he "doesn't want to disappoint me, nor does he want to get in trouble".
His explanation of the "tire" incident is as follows:
"I was bored, frustrated, and angry. It was like something was telling me in my head to do it, and the "other side" was telling me not to, that it was wrong, and the "bad side" won with 75%".
(His exact words).
(He was upset with his sitter for making him clean up pee on the toilet seat, after he didn't lift up the seat.....) He also said that he was upset that I had worked out of town quite a bit over the last couple weeks.
We have taken away a few privledges (Playstation and Yugio cards), encouraged (not forced) him to call his sitter and apologize for his actions, and have let him know that we are responsible for paying the $100 for the tire replacement, of which he will also be responsible, and must decide how help us with the money.
Our concern is mainly in regards to his "ugly" action, fearing this could lead to bigger things in the future.
Would this be a situation that would benefit from counseling of some sort? Any advice on this subject would be truly appreciated..
This behavior truly has his father and me "beside ourselves". Our son has always been a very positive, confident, respectful child, a child who plays hard, enjoys sports, does well in school, (occasionally getting in trouble for socializing), and is very affectionate. He has even been known to be comfortable approaching not only his teachers, but even his principal if he has a concern in school.
He is an only child, but spends a considerable amount of time with his cousins. He has not been a "prankster" nor very ornery at all.
His "moments" are very few and far between. This summer, he intervened in a "fight" between a couple of his younger cousins, picking up one of the boys, and "tossing" him about 6 feet away. We were surprised, the cousin is only slightly smaller than our son, and our son's strength seemed unusual. He has recently started, then quickly stopped, slamming his bedroom door when disciplined at home. He has never "talked back" to his father, me, childcare, other family members, teachers, etc. I always try to encourage open communication, but the older he gets, fewer are the things he tells me. He says he "doesn't want to disappoint me, nor does he want to get in trouble".
His explanation of the "tire" incident is as follows:
"I was bored, frustrated, and angry. It was like something was telling me in my head to do it, and the "other side" was telling me not to, that it was wrong, and the "bad side" won with 75%".
(His exact words).
(He was upset with his sitter for making him clean up pee on the toilet seat, after he didn't lift up the seat.....) He also said that he was upset that I had worked out of town quite a bit over the last couple weeks.
We have taken away a few privledges (Playstation and Yugio cards), encouraged (not forced) him to call his sitter and apologize for his actions, and have let him know that we are responsible for paying the $100 for the tire replacement, of which he will also be responsible, and must decide how help us with the money.
Our concern is mainly in regards to his "ugly" action, fearing this could lead to bigger things in the future.
Would this be a situation that would benefit from counseling of some sort? Any advice on this subject would be truly appreciated..
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Aug 18, 2004 12:00AM
, Aug 18, 2004 12:00AM
No, there's no need to pursue counseling re: this single episode. Be sure that he shoulders some of the burden for restitution, in addition to his apology. It is a normal part of development to struggle with impulses and to figure out if, when and how to give expression to impulses. Hopefully this was a learning experince for him, and was an anomaly. Should be persist in angry acting out you might seek professional help, but not at this point. Continue to set reasonable limits and follow through with them.
