Our 9 year old child has recently begun lying - not only does he lie, he keeps going with the lie. He is doing this at school and at home. We have talked to him over and over about taking responsibilities for his actions. For example, at school he was caught tapping on a terrarium by his teacher. He told the teacher that he wasn't tapping. The teacher explained to him that he saw him doing it. My son would not own up to his behavior and kept the lie going. Another example is a situation with a library book. The children all turned in their library books in the morning. When they went to the library in the afternoon, he wasn't allowed to check out a book because his wasn't turned in. He insisted that he had turned it in. The librarian and his classroom teacher looked on the shelf and behind the desk, it wasn't there. Again, he insisted he turned it in. The teacher went back to the room with him where they found the book in his desk. He still insisted that he turned it in going on to say that someone must have taken his book out of the bin and put it back in his desk. The teacher questioned him why he thinks someone would have done that. His only answer was that someone must have done it to get him in trouble. The other night, he came into our bedroom saying that he saw a man in our house. He then went on to describe this man's hair color and style, what he was wearing, etc. My husband walked through our house for over 1/2 hour searching for this man. Not only was there no man, there was no sign of entry anywhere. We are at our wit's end - his teacher has suggested a child psychologist which we are considering, but are also concerned that a psychologist might make more out of this behavior than it is. We are also considering speaking to our pediatrician. Any suggestions?
Thanks in advance.
I think this is all being handled kind of oddly. Why can't you tap on a terrarium? If he was tapping - which I don't see as a problem - the teacher should just say cut that out, and that's the end of that. A terrarium is a globe with plants in it, when you tap on it there's no real problem except the tapping might be irritating to the class, stop it. Take your seat, stop tapping.
With the library book, once it was found in his desk it's time to say you didn't turn it in. No more going on and on about why someone would take it from the library and put it in his desk, that's just stupid. Find the library book in his desk, "You didn't turn it in", and that's it. It's stupid to entertain lame explainations for why he's lying.
With the story about finding a man in the house - maybe you could read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" to him?
I wonder, as you do, why he keeps telling these outrageous lies. But I wouldn't entertain them as everyone has here.
I think your son has found that he gets attention with this lying thing, so he keeps it up. My son went through a stage of lying (and still does every now and then). We did discuss it with the therapist, but we were already in therapy. Her suggestion was that we dismiss the lie knowing the truth and not giving him the satisfaction. This is when the lie was over something tiny (like the tapping on glass).
I would have a discussion with his teacher about this, telling her you are taking a new approach to dealing with this behavior. (It sounds like she might be a bit critical, and he is fearful of rejection.)
Well reading your post made my heart skip a beat, i have a ten year old daughter that lies and steals. It breaks my heart that my child can look me dead in the eye's and lie. She stole money from me a while back (R300) and was caught out, she got a smack for it and the next day went to the school and told the teachers that i beat her because she didnt do her homework. Her story escalated so badly that the school has called me in and want to report me for child abuse.
It frightened me that such a small child has such a wild imagination and to tell such drastic lies. On more than one occasion her lying has actually put my other two children's lives in danger. Quite frightning. And honestly i am at my wits ends.....
It may be that we're looking at this situation wrong. You may wish to speak to your child about WHY he feels the need to lie. Have you recently had another child, or had a shift in lifestyle? It may be that he feels unwanted and as though there is not enough attention being paid to him, and it may be that he sees this as being a good way to get attention.
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