9 year old child won't sleep alone

My 9 year old sister has problems sleeping alone in her own bed. I am 25 and my mum and her partner seperated about 2 years ago. However, in the past year my 9 year old sister has refused to sleep alone and my mum allows her to sleep in her bed. The problem is now increasing as my sister is refusing to sleep at her fathers house, and will not attend any sleep overs at friends. She will often complain she is ill before going to her Dad's and has recently got herself into a complete emotional state and my mum decided she shouldn't go. Her dad gets cross with her and makes her sleep in her own bed at his home. My sister does not want to talk to him about her problems sleeping. When at home she will now sleep in mums bed 95% of the time.

My mum has attempted to get her into her own bedroom but my sister will play up and manage an hour to two at the most and if she does fall asleep she will wake herself up. Furthermore, she now has fears of everything and often panics. She is extremly unhappy to do anything without my mum.

I am extremly worried about her sleeping pattern and her fears of everything any advice would help us a lot. Thanks in advance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

At one level, your sister has learned that, if she makes enough of a fuss, she will get what she wants. Your mother needs to develop more resolve around this. Now, it may also be that your sister displays a legitimate anxiety disorder and she should be evaluated by a pediatric mental health clinician. If it is detrmined that she does not display an anxiety disorder (e.g., separation anxiety disorder) and the behavior is more in the category of childhood behavior problem, a systematic program of behavior management will be effective (but her mother has to change her own behavior in order for this to be effective).

[Paulouk83]

furthermore, when she is placed in her room she wakes herself up after hour then wants to swap rooms- and kicks up such a fuss mum takes her into her room.

[Paulouk83]

Thank you for you reply.

My mum was wondering is there stages that this can be done? Last night my sister fell asleep but woke herself up after an hour and my mum took her into her room because she was so upset. Can my mum do it in stages? Try and get my sister to improve or should she go all out and put her in her own bed?

Thanks in advance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Because your mother has lacked resolve around this, doing it in stages will only muddy the waters. She should bite the bullet and get it done.

[niceday]

A related discussion, My 9 year old daughter fines it hard to fall asleep was started.