Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
9 year old daughter not wearing underwear - should I be worried?
My daughter just turned 9 this week and when we were getting ready to leave for her birthday party her grandma was throwing, I noticed she wasn't wearing any panties under her sun dress again.

Thing is, this isn't the first time I've found her not wearing panties this summer. I'm not sure how long she's been doing this, maybe since the spring. I try not to fuss at her about it too much, but she should know better.

At first I thought maybe she was just forgetting them somehow, or that maybe I wasn't doing the laundry often enough with my busy work schedule. But that only explains so much.

When she was younger she used to protest having to wear socks, so after going round and round with her about it, I finally gave in and just let her not wear socks with her shoes because we live in the south and it wasnt worth fighting about. She dresses herself everyday and I don't want to have to police her dress and invade her privacy, but apparently she just regularly skips the underwear step when she dresses herself.

But this no panties thing seems different to me. I first started noticing it in May when apparently she'd gone to school several times without panties, although there weren't any incidents that I know of. Then I find shes even not wearing panties underneath both her ballet and gymnastics leotards, which suprised me. Her instructor said it was fine, and that some of the older girls didn't either, but it just seemed off to me.

When I ask her, all she says is that she doesnt like the way they feel. Ive tryied different brands, softer fabrics, etc but she still never wears them.

Do I need to be worried about this? Is this just a phase she's going through or is this a sign that something else is going wrong? Could it be abuse from her someone like daycare or her father when she stays with him?  Her grades were ok, and she seems to be doing ok overall, so I don't see any other signs other than her never wearing socks or underwear.

I don't want her to feel socially unacceptable without underwear or like shes in big trouble, Ive tried that and it just seems to fall on deaf ears. I just need to know if this is a sign that she's in trouble and if so, what I can do about it?
Or, if this is just a super routine deal that lots of kids deal with, and its just nothing to worry about, that'd be good to know too. Thanks
Cancel
15 Answers
Page 1 of 1
973741 tn?1342346373
Hi there.  Well, you are describing a classic sensory integration system related to tactile dysfunction.  This is when something a person wears is so uncomfortable that they can't tolerate it.  

My son has had this with tags in his shirt, seams in his socks and tags/seams in his underwear.  Certain material is also off limits.  

I do try to accomdate my son.  They make underwear without tags now.  I encourage you to look for these.  I would make it a rule that she must wear underwear, period.  But that you will make every effort to find her some that are comfortable.  Let her wear boxers around the house if she wants to.  

They do something in occupational therapy called 'brushing' which helps with tactile dysfunction.  My son is now 8 and at one point really resisted socks.  I had a rule that he had to wear them when we left the house in winter but in the house, he didn't.  With brushing, his tolerance of socks got much better.  

Please google sensory processing disorder (SPD is an excellent web site) and tactile dysfunction.  If you have any questions after doing so, let me know!  My own son has this disorder and tactile dysfunction (which has gotten significantly better) as well as I am the community leader of the sensory integration disorder forum here at med help.  I'd be happy to help in any way I can!  Peace and luck
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
1006035 tn?1485579497
I would also recommend talking to an OT about starting brushing and/or massage therapy. My daughter who has autism used to hate socks and having long sleeves or pants on. Time and occupational therapy have helped her move past a lot of this. I highly doubt she avoids undies due to abuse, as it sounds more like a sensory issue like specialmom said.

I would also make sure she doesn't have a UTI or yeast infection. I would talk to her pediatrician about it. Good luck
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
757137 tn?1347200053
What you do not mention is if you require her to don panties when you find she isn't wearing any. Not wearing them cannot be left to her discretion.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
maybe someone is taking them off of her
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I remember when I was younger my mom woud be mad I never wore my underwear... I out grew it. And I'm normal
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I don't see what the big issue is. If she doesn't want to wear panties, then so be it. Just as long as she's not giving unwanted flashes to everyone. When she gets her period, she'll start wearing them.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
317217 tn?1456290378
There's always boys boxers. Loser and not so tight, x
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
When I was little probably about her age , I didn't like underwear or socks either.They were must so uncomfortable. I eventually outgrew it . just let her not wear them or tell her if she wears her underwear everyday for a whole week you'll get her a reward or have a mommy daughter day. Shell eventually start wearing them . good luck
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
She has sensory processing issues. U need to gradually desensitise her. She is hypersensitive to itchy clothings n pressure.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
MichelleJ71. I wouldn't be so quick to diagnose your daughter with the aforementioned disorders. There are plenty of woman who don't wear panties these days; as well as there are plenty of people who are content on being nudists. All people have their own personalities, and, just because your daughter doesn't seem to follow your "lead" nor your "way of thinking", doesn't mean that she has some form of "dysfunction". Maybe she just doesn't like the way the panties rub her privates; maybe she just doesn't like wearing the panties. You mentioned that she wears "sun dresses"; this could also prove that she wears sun dresses because she doesn't like anything rubbing her privates (e.g. pants or shorts). Another thought, she may be following her "ballet and gymnastics" classmates.  

I also want to point out how "traits" are passed down through the "genes". My personal story fits the bill here. My natural father abandoned me just before I was born. I never met the man until I was about 14 years old. Yet, I subconsciously followed his character features as well as his way of thinking on several topics. I lived with him for a brief moment when I was 18-19 years old. His normal routine after he got home from work was to take a shower and then lounge around his house buck naked. There were no young children around him, just me and his wife. That's when I began to discover how much I followed his traits. I'm 49 years old now, and I still can't stand to wear clothes within the privacy of my own home (I'm also a "nudists" and can't stand to wear clothes at all). I like the freedom and lack of restriction (that could also be taken as friction). Do I consider myself "weird" or "abnormal"? No. I actually consider myself to be more normal than others because I am not afraid to be myself, avoiding the "stereotype".

She says that she "doesn't like the way they feel". That's a good indication that the panties are "rubbing her the wrong way" (pun intended). If it's a matter of principle, then she will grow out of it; but if she really doesn't like the way they feel, then she most likely will not be able to wear the panties. Your "force" or "bribery attempts" will only make her rebel further (as she sounds like a strong willed girl; it sounds like a case of just wanting to be her"self").  

I also highly doubt that it is "abuse" from her father or others, as that action would likely make her wear more clothes to cover the shame.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Why is abuse by her father even in your mind ,its your house where she is going without panties,have you even bothered speaking to the father,to see if its,same there,I doubt it,your own petty nasty mind just makes this connection,,how,would you feel if your ex thought you anused your daughter just because of this issue ,,try talking first ,then accuse if its appropriate
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I come from an area in the 80's that was rife with child abductions and molestation. If I couldn't act right in a dress (I was a tomboy) my parents either made me wear shorts under my dress or other I had to wear pants. Later on in school I wore shorts under my skirts since all the little boys were always trying to peep up girls skirts and I didn't want that kind of embarrassment I saw other girls go through. Skorts were awesome. Yeast infections and bad people are the biggest fears.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Your the adult Act like it. Parents are to teach the childten Right from Wrong!!
Quit being a worldly parent listening to (Political Correct Pansies)!
Ya hav a real ?
BIBLE - translation-
Better Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Simple enough even I figured it out. And I was raised with *** whoopin's when needed.
You had said "don't want to Invade her Privacy". Get a Clue Your the Parent (ADULT) , a Child of that age Doesn't Know Better! That is why We the Parents Must Teach Them. INVADE NOW, or Have way more problems down the road. Believe me with that cuz I was That Kid!!
Payed dearly with it too
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Yes, teach the child that their feeling mean nothing. Forget putting a rule in place that she must wear short with dresses if she doesn't want to wear panties. Let's just make her self conscious and prone to being used in all aspects later in life because she was taught her feelings and her comfort  means nothing. Preach it sista preach it!
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
That's totally normal.  When I was a child I struggled with wearing underwater and then bras. I didn't want to wear them bc they were not confortable, and I felt like we're suffocating or constructing me.  But my mom found out and made me wear them. So I got used to it.

You should be strict with her, if you let this go, she will continue to get used to not wearing them, and then it will be too hard to change later.

Also I also agreed to wear the underwear because when you wear pants and jeans, they will contantly rub against you with movement and it will give you a rash in the crotch.  
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I am now a 30 year old woman. I didn't like panties as a child. I consider myself to be a normal person & a normal adult. I still don't wear them very often- only when I am having my monthly or wearing a shorter dress. It was just a comfort issues for me then- -same as now. I remember my mom wanting me to wear them..and I would occasionally, just to please her, but I hated it.
As for the chafing issue while wearing jeans that I read in another comment-I have never had that issue.
Sometimes it is best to just let someone be comfortable--& I believe a child should have that option too. Of course, sometimes, panties are a must, so that's a conversation that'll need to be had at some point. Modesty & manners etc.
I have 3 children myself. They are excellent, kind, respectful, intelligent children. I have been very lucky. I always give my kids the opportunity to share their thoughts and ideas on different things. Happy kids, happy mommy, happy life.
Best of luck to you!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Don't worry! I didn't like wearing panties or bras growing up. Only because no matter what they were made of, I always chaffed and it was so uncomfortable. Especially in the summer and because I overheat and sweatsweat easily it would only take an hr for a rash to form. My parents and grandparents asked why. I told them "because they hurt" and they left it at that. It may just be because they feel constricting and uncomfortable. It's ok. It's normal.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Child Behavior Community Resources