9 year old sexual outbursts

[myohmy81]

my 9 year old nephew has been talking about how good it would feel to have his penis in a girls mouth, drawing pictures of private parts at school, and was touching his sisters privates, when asked  what he was doing he stated that he was tickling her in her tickle spot.  he had been diagnosed with adhd when he was 4 years old.  but since then it has just gotten worse.  he is a very aggressive child, if he doesn't like the way someone does something he will hurt them, in example, choke, slap kick, hit, he even chased his older sister around the house with knives... The mother didn't believe the older daughter when she told us this.  The mother also tells the adhd doctor that everything is going ok and leaves out all of the disruptive sexual behaviors that he has at school and in the community.  The latest thing is that he couldn't have a toy and his younger sister had it and he put his hands around her neck as he was choking her.  When the babysitter stopped this, he went and started choking himself, and said that he was trying to kill himself, because he would rather die than be in this world because he is tired of getting in trouble.  When the mother was notified about the situation, all she said was he says that all the time and he has even said it at school.  Is there a named disorder for this kind of behavior and what can we do to get him help????   You would think that voicing suicide, the school would have jumped in and contacted the Department of children and family services or someone.  Please help, i'm afraid that he is either going to kill himself or harm someone else, either sexually or beating them until death.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[SL345]

If you think your nephew is going to hurt himself or someone else and you believe that he has already done something of a sexual nature to his sister and his parents are hiding it and not taking adequate steps to deal with it/get him the help he needs, then you have to ask yourself if you need to contact the Department of Children and Family Services? You can do so anonymously if you feel you have repeatedly and unsuccessfully tried to influence his mother. There is no way to diagnose this without careful and extensive in-person evaluation. There are kids who have neurologically-based  problems which lead them to be emotionally and behaviorally dysregulated. They usually need a great deal of structure, supervision, support and specialized therapies. They may need medication. He may be showing signs of early entry into puberty, too. You don't want to have regrets here.

[Agiesmom]

This post sounds familiar--think I read another one like it a while back, but I can't remember what the title is so I can find it and link you to it.

I would seriously wonder if he hasn't been sexually abused or exposed to sexual things by an older kid or stumbled upon something on the internet.  Those just aren't things a typical child wonders about or knows about, imo.

Can you talk to the mother--try to get her to discuss this with the doctor?  She sounds like she's in denial.  Maybe the father can get involved or another family member?

If there's no one else, I would call CPS (Child Protective Services) and ask them what, if anything, you can do.  The family needs help.

[LRM1021]

You do need to call someone to get this child help. Could be sexual abuse for sure. However, what I have also learned is that inappropriate and extreme sexual talk and behavior in children is also a sign of early onset bipolar disorder (learned this from some parents of children with this condition.) You also describe a violent, aggressivem, very upset child-- more signs of serious mental illness.

If his mother is not getting him medical attention for these issues, despite the fact that she acknowledges them, you should call Child Protective Services. He needs serious help, and if she is not getting it, then someone needs to intervene on his behalf.

[rilbrianne]

I agree with the above, if you don't contact someone for him... at least do it for his little sister who may end up a victim of whatever illness he is suffering from.  He needs to see someone, probably more than just a pediatrician.  I'm worried about the little girl.  If his parents aren't willing to do something about his behavior, she could get hurt and that is awful.  

Your a good aunt to be concerned but it may be time to take it a little further and contact social services.  I would.  

[chigirl29]

I'm most worried about what he is doing to his sister; someone has to tell him that her private areas are PRIVATE.

He is still a child so he may not know--depending on his parents.

[Ashley88]

as much as I hate to say it most of the time when a child acts out sexually some one else has acted out sexually on him and again as much as I hate to say it if his parents are "denying" this they just might be he source he should see a child therapist if he wont talk to you you need to stop it now or his sister will be left with the scars he might easily heal from later this happened with someone very close to me his sister did it to him and she is happy go lucky but he is stuck with it for life and it haunts him every day

[myohmy81]

i know he may be hurting his sister, but how do i get the mom to realize that he has a major problem, i am his daycare provider as well as his aunt by marriage, but when i tell her different issues that he has had here at my house, she just says "well he doesn't do that kind of stuff at home, it must just be your house"  then he also does it at school.  my brother his stepdad, i think is realizing he is out of control, but he and his wife DO NOT TALK any more, he just came back from the service and she pretty much wants nothing to do with him, but the childs behavior has nothing to do with that situation, he has been like this for a few years.  I have contacted his physician, not that they can really respond to me, and i have also talked to the principal of the school, she agrees with me, but i guess if the parent wants to deny the fact her child has issues, than that is all that i can do,  dcfs said that it is technically not an abuse or neglect case.

[SL345]

Well, if you've already tried talking to the mother, step-father, principal, doctor and to the Department of Children and Family Services and everyone says that there is nothing they can do  it seems as though you have done a lot. I hope you've documented all these calls for your own protection and for holding others accountable down the road. At this point, you have to decide how immediate your concerns are. That is, if you truly believe that this boy is going to hurt someone immediately when he is in your care or directly when he leaves your care, they you need to be on the phone with supervisors and administrators at Department of Children and Family Services until they accept your report. You need to tell them that you have knowledge that this boy sexually abused a more vulnerable family member and no one has taken action to protect her. If you feels that strongly, you can threaten to report this to the news media if they don't take the case. On the other hand, if you are not concerned about immediate danger, then you need to disengage from this family telling them that these behaviors are evident to you and you can no longer remain involved in caring for them if they don't get help with these problems (regardless of whether or not it only happens with you). Bottom line - try your hardest to protect the children and if after repeated efforts you get nowhere, at least protect yourself and the other children in your care.

[sm41478]

I am surprised that no one has mentioned checking the child for elevated testosterone levels. It could cause a number of the above mentioned behaviors.