9 year old son playing with other boy's genitals

My 9 year old son plays with his 11yr old friend whenever they are left alone. they know this is shameful and put pants on when they hear me coming. the boy's mom is my best frirnd to whom i had talked abt this. I found this 4 yrs back n since then we dont give them a chance to be alone. yesterday, (after 4 yrs) they had to stay together and they were ttying for a chance to do it again. i have not yet asked them what they wete doing, coz i dont know which would help, pretending that i didnt see it or catch them red handed. i havent told my husband coz i dont know how he will react. what i do is, to be around them til they r distracted or till they sleep. it was alarming that they remember what they have done before and still want to do that. should i speak h him?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is best to remain calm. An angry reaction will not help.

[uzudu]

It is also to be noted that he is shy to be naked in front of me, so he knows what they dois wrong. whrn i re read my first post, it sounded unclear. the friend was equally participating. in fact he brought uthis game bt them, coz he learned this fron his elder cousin and my friend took precautions not to lrt it happen again bt them

[uzudu]

I also guess my son taught this to his cousin brother whoz 2 yr younger. i took it as curiosity at first. but at this age it doesnt seem all the same. I amafraid if i talk to him, would he be shameless to do it again. i want to give a strong warning, that he gives it up forever. pls advise

[HVMA-Ph.D.-KDK]

It is very important that you address this and that you and your husband get on the same page about dealing with it. The behavior, as you suspect, is not at all on the normal spectrum for this age. Very firm limit setting, in addition to strict superviison, will be necessary. In addition, arrange an evaluation for him with a pediatric mental health professional.

[uzudu]

Thank you for the valuable advice. i would also like to know how to react on it. in a very angry manner or gently. which one will help?