I am writting in place of my mother, she has asked for my help in finding a solution to the problem of Josh, my 9 yr old adopted brother. We have had Josh since the day he was born, and since birth, he has not been "normal". We noticed the first week that he was in withdrawl from the drugs his birth mother abused. He screamed uncontrollably and almost non-stop for the first three months. He has since been diagnosed with a number of illnesses : ADHD, ODD, ADHD "with complications", and most recently Bipolar. A synopsis of his current behavior includes, but is not limited to: Pooping his pants 2-6 times a day (even at school where he is forced to go potty every 10 min), lying, stealing, hiding food and dirty underwear full of poop, acting "stupid", will not complete school work, or acts like he doesn't understand it, he also recently become aggressive towards the children at school (he will instigate fights - granted he never hits first - but he is very willing to continue a fight once started). He does not seem to care about anything. Reward systems don't work, niether does punishment. When I was pregant with my first child (just after my husband and I moved away from home) he told me he would kill my child. I have done some research into Bipolar children, and I fear for my mother's safety, as well as Josh's (from what I've found, he will either commit suicide, or become violent - my mother is around him the most and is the main "punisher" and "rewarder" as my father must travel quite frequently as required by his work. Josh sees a Psychiatrist, a Psychologist, and a medical doctor at least every two weeks (more like weekly). The drugs don't seem to help, and he is constantly forced to change prescriptions becuase they stop working (he develops an immunity). To be quite honest, my mother can't take much more, and the doctors she has been taking Josh too don't seem to understand the complexity of his problems, or are not willing to come up with better solutions (or maybe there aren't any better solutions!). I'm thinking at this point, our only option is commitment to a hospital (which they did once for 1 week this year... but didn't seem to help - because once he came home, he became even worse than before). Or maybe a residency program (boarding school for mentally ill children?). We ask your advice on this issue... Please help!!!
Your brother may well require residential treatment in order to address such serious emotional disturbance. A first step to achieve this would be readmission to an inpatient psychiatric unit, where the main goals would be (a) stabilization, (b) review of pharmacological treatment and (c) aftercare planning (including referral for residential treatment). The hospital will know what the requirements are in your jurisdiction for payment for a a residential treatment facility and how to secure such funding.
>>>Posted by: TNHT on (08-Dec-04)
"A synopsis of his current behavior includes, but is not limited to: Pooping his pants 2-6 times a day (even at school where he is forced to go potty every 10 min), lying, stealing, hiding food and dirty underwear full of poop, acting "stupid", will not complete school work, or acts like he doesn't understand it, he also recently become aggressive towards the children at school (he will instigate fights - granted he never hits first - but he is very willing to continue a fight once started). He does not seem to care about anything. Reward systems don't work, niether does punishment."<<<
This (almost exactly) sounds like my 7 year old son. He has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 5, as well as Tourettes Syndrome at age 6. His teacher has recently stated that he WILL fail if he continues to turn in incomplete work and make the grades he makes sometimes. It is so strange cause at home, he knows the work (though I do have to remind him how to do it at times) He'll make hundreds on his homework, then go to class and make F's on the same work. His teacher says that a lot of times, she has to stand right beside him and guide him though his work to keep him focused on doing it. His handwriting is that of a Kindergartener at best. Sometimes you can't read it at all. Doctor said, with ADHD children, you either get sloooow work but neat writing, or fast work but you can hardly read his writing. You can't have both.
He hides dirty (urine & poop from where he doesn't wipe) underwear, food (sweet snacks mostly) and wrappers from the food and empty juice boxes all over the house. There is no one place he consistantly hides things.
Going back to the urine and poop issue...his problem with wetting himself is almost constant some days and almost nonexsistant other days. He is not allowed to have drinks past 7 o'clock since 9 is his bedtime and he still (almost always) wets the bed. Though I have caught him more than a few times sneaking a drink to his room or drinking our drinks when we are out of the room. He has wet himself during school hours at least 5 times this school year, at a time (Second grade) when his class mates are starting to take notice.
He aggravates most of his class mates with his youthful antics, so a lot of the kids don't want to play with him or include him in their activities.
The acting "stupid" part is something he does as well, meaning he tries (all the time) to be funny by making "stupid" noices and blurting out words that aren't words at all, for instance "doo-de-do-de-doo-de-do" while bouncing around on his tip toes and waving his arms and legs all about and making a silly face. Granted, This would be okay if it didn't happen all the time, and at inappropriate times. He has little to no self control sometimes.
We are having increasing problems with his lying as well. It used to be that his first reaction was to say he didn't do it, but all I would have to say is "Honey, are you telling us the truth? Now don't lie, Okay?" He would instantly tell me the truth. Now I have to make threats of restriction or taking something he loves to do (Playstation 2 or Computer) away, if I find out he's lying, before he'll tell us the truth. We are NOT liers by no means, infact we have always stressed how important trust and honesty is to us. I have no clue why his lying is progressively getting worse.
He's very aggressive with our dogs and his three year old little brother. He'll hit them when he thinks no one is around. His little brother aggravates him a lot (on purpose) so I can SOMEWHAT understand him wanting to make him leave him alone, but the dogs don't have to do anything...they can just be laying there sleeping and he'll come up and pounce on them with his knees.
He does not change his ways as a result of punishment, except for that moment when he got in trouble and it's still fresh in his mind what the consiquences are. He will still do it all again the next day or the day after that. He too goes to see a psychiatrist as well as a Behavioral doctor for his ADHD, at least once a month. Nothing seems to help. They say, "Oh, that's just ADHD related." or "That's not ADHD related, just bad behavior."
Please don't let me make him out to a "Bad child" because he definetly is not! He's a really sweet, affectionate and sensitive little man with a huge heart. He just has aggressive tendencies at times that his doctor says is just (what he called) "Tourette's Storms" and just like a storm, there is no stopping it, you just have to ride it out.
I feel bad for your Mother. It's probably only going to get worse with age as my child's Doctor has said. I hope she gets the help she deserves. She shouldn't have to deal with the fears and heartache your situation with your brother has caused. She is more than Angelic for trying to give him a wonderful loving home, but he may need more than your Mom knows how to or is able to do. We feel overwhelmed at times and we have the advantage of youth on our side. I pray you all find Peace no matter which decision is made. Good Luck and take care! God Bless you and yours! ;-)
Sorry for the "STORY" rather than "COMMENT!" LOL! ;-)
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