9 yr. old with temper tantrums

I have a 9 year old granddaughter that has temper tantrums.  I love her so much and don't know what to do.  She disrupts the whole house including my house as we live next door to them.  She can be so sweet and loving then go into a rage if you disagree with her or try to correct her.  She is very smart and she and I are very close, but she will try to rage at me and most of the time I can nip it, and then she feels really bad.  Example: last night she and her brother who is almost 4 started fighting so I hollered out the window to stop and she said to me "stay at your own house." I immediately went out and told her she was not going to speak to me like that, this has happened once before with about the same senario.  Then all hell breaks loose.  She has been going to a counselor for about 6 weeks.  They say even though she is 9 her anger management development is that of a 2 year old.  I don't believe that, she knows what she is doing.  I don't believe the parents are being consistant enough and really let's her get away with too much.  They do a lot of threatening and hollering and will say if you don't stop you will not be able to do this or that, but they do not follow through.  I don't usually have many problems with her because I don't let her get away with these actions when she is with me.  She is very rude and nasty to her mother from the second she walks through the door.  When she goes into these rages she will scream at her mother and father at the top of her lungs. I know it has been hell in their house and they are very discouraged. I am so afraid of what is coming if this continues to happen.  I'm afraid the 4 year old will start having these issues too. Now he is the sweetest, most laid back and funniest kid and fun to be around.  It is really hard, because we try to stay out of it, but it really does effect us, because we have as much care of the kids as their mom and dad do, they both work we help out.  Help

[angelinamarina]

Hi,
I have a 5 year old that acts like this.

Have you or they looked into Oppositional Defiant Disorder?   ADD or ADHD?  (google will give some insight if not)  Also, has she been this way all along?  You said that her parents are not tough enough on her, but I am wondering why she was not put into counseling or seen a child psychiatrist much earlier.  I know first hand that some kids have these issues...and parenting skills do not matter.  We have every parenting book out there, have had counseling, early intervention, occupational therapy, every other kind of therapy, etc....and NOTHING works because for our daughter, it is a brain chemistry issue.  Perhaps it is a brain chemistry issue for your granddaughter too?  Has she seen a developmental pediatrician?  If not, make an appt right away.
Your granddaughter and her parents are VERY LUCKY to have you in their lives.  It is wonderful that you help out.  My parents watch my daughter one evening a week so that we can have a break and it is what keeps us sane.  I am impressed that you are on here asking questions too.  You are a great Grandparent!
And, one last thing....my nephew threw tantrums until age 9-10 and now he is a well adjusted, popular, adorable 16 year old that no longer throws tantrums.  

Angi G.