A 5 year old girl inappropriately touched my 5 year old daughter

[mom2526]

During a playdate, my daughters best friend had the idea to take off underwear and pants.. after a few days of talking w/my daughter the story is that this little girl had my daugther lay down on the floor, kneeled down beside her and leaned over belly to belly with her and proceeded to rub her privates so hard, that it then hurt to pee. my daughter said she tried calling me and said she told her to stop and when I asked why didnt' you push her off, she said she was too heavy. She told my daughter to keep it a secret... My daughter was embarrassed and ashamed.. Will she ever be able to forget this ever happened? My husband and I are devasted.. just because the other girl is 5 as well.. Does this act affect my daughter as if were an adult.. She was violated and my poor daugther helpless. - The other little girl admitted that she was laying on top of her and rubbed her privates. Oh, and this little girl also has a history of masterbating a few times a days since she was about 3.  I want to erase this memory for her!! She will never play with this little girl again!

[LadieKartel]

You need to call cold protective services for the other little girl she is being molested no kids just knows these things then for her to say keep it a secret someone did it to her

[yellowbaggage]

That other girl is being sexually abused and needs help urgently.

[MomMomMomMomMomMom]

I'm more worried about the other little girl. That is a serious sign she is being sexually abused. She needs your help - you may be the only one who knows.

[Poppyseed123]

Kids explore . I had this happen to me at 5 and told my mother . The girl was the same age as me and she also had an older teenages sister who probably did it to her .
I have no idea of my parents ever said anything to hers or not .
They didn't allow me to go back over there .
Ive thought about it over the years but it did not effect me .
Now if it had been a grown up that did it to me male or female would probably be a different story .

My brother who was 22 months older than me walked into construction of a house and caught two twin boys in their early teens performing oral sex on each other . And it scared him to death . My father did talk to their father and they were told to never come to our house again .
Peeking at each other or showing each other parts went on in those days . We were just curious kids .
How ever I do think that what that girl did was learned behavior and child services needs to inspect the whole situation to make sure that the other little girl is or is not being molested

[Sopres]

I am so sorry your little girl endured this.  I would keep communication lines open with her about it but I would do my best not to focus on it and not to make a big deal about it in front of her (this will certainly burn this memory in her mind and the likelihood of her forgetting it will be less).  I would consult with a child psychologist of how to handle this so that your daughter can move forward and not feel humiliated or shame from this experience..but to be able to move forward healthy and well-adjusted now and down the road.  But as an adult, as a mother, a parent, as a human being..we need to protect our young and those around us.  It is sadly apparent that this little girl is being molested, and acting out on other children.  You cannot turn your back and act as if it is not your kid and therefore not your problem (perhaps another parent had this same thing happen to their little child by this little girl and this parent took this same unfortunate path which then your child became a secondary victim to the adult molester through the primary victim of this 5 year old little girl).  Please contact Department of Children and Families.  You can do this anonymously if you'd like.  However, it needs to happen.  May God Bless your little girl to be fully healed from this event.  And May God Bless this other little girl and protect her from ever being a victim of what she's been enduring and also be fully healed.  May God Bless you with strength, wisdom and courage to handle this matter appropriately and may you realize that when you become a mother you also become a mother to all children so-to-speak, as when you see a child in immediate danger you stand up for that voiceless, powerless child..This child's fate in on your shoulders.  I pray you stop at nothing to help her and not choose to become part of the long list of adults who secondarily victimize her by not standing up for her.  You sound like a good and conscientious mother to your own little girl so I am sure you will ensure this little girl gets the help she desperately needs to be relieved of what is happening to her.  

[Nideggol]

Your daughter will most likely not forget about this. The same thing happened to me when I was her age. I however never told anyone about what happened, my parents still do not know. It bothered me for sometime and awoke hypersexual tendencies in me at that age that I still have today. It is good that she talked to you about it and I hope she is doing better after a horrible experience like that.

[CrystalConstellation]

Not to say that something didn't happen to the other child, or that what she did was acceptable, but children can start masturbating extremely young- they just unintentionally find it feels good and that's all they need to know. The other little girl needs to be talked to about touching others, but I wouldn't suggest making any of it sound "bad" or "dirty" to either of them. It's normal and natural, nothing to be ashamed of- what made it bad was the other little girl pushing the situation and trying to touch someone like that at their age. She just needs to learn privacy and not to touch others until she's much older- to her though, she was just showing her friend something fun.

[jadenkiuma]

sounds like the girl who touched your daughter has been being sexually abused since she was about 3 years old. she sounds like a victim to me and CPS should be involved. kids don't just come out the womb knowing how to masturbate.

[Mamabell2]

My 7 year old daughter just told me her & her friend s girl and also 7 were playing house, later down next to each other & air kissed. I told her it's ok to pretend, but you never touch each other's private areas. However, I feel something more happened because my daughter was crying hysterically, shaking, sweating  & very upset. So upset it took her awhile to get the words out. She then asked me if I was going to bring her to the dr. I asked for what? What kind of Dr?  She stated a therapist. When I asked if something more happened.  She said she didn't want to talk about it or she would tell me later.  Her dad followed up on our conversation a couple days later & she said she was ok. I followed up with her last night & she became upset, cried, changed the subject. Because of her reaction when she told me this info my gut tells me something more happened and  not sure what to do. Do I continue talking to her about this?

[angelim]

A similar thing like this happened to me when I was 5, and I never told my mom, cause I was embarrassed.. but it didn't kill me.. i eventually found my own way to deal with it.. and then one day I was just ok..

[catladytiff]

I would ask her if she would like to talk to a therapist.  if she asked about one she is asking for someone else to tell because she's uncomfortable with you and especially seems to be with her dad. If you can find a female therapist and she says she would like to talk to someone I would absolutely bring her.

[xoseybxnessaxo]

just recently had the same issue with my daughter...she is 5 and was having a play date with her female cousin who is 7 ...she told my daughter to lay down and she put her hand down my daughter pants touching her. My daughter automatically came to me and told me how she had told her not to touch her and told her no ...this scares me for the both of them..what would cause a 7 yr old to do this? ...how is this gonna affect my child...granted i am thankful i raised my daughter knowing nobody should ever touch her she should always be able to talk to me about anything....The mother was devasted about the incident and the after all she appologized and told me that  this wasnt the 1st time something like this happened b4 ...what can i do to get my daughter threw this , dont want her thinking its ok to touch herself now ...and what can i do for her cousin?

[jadenkiuma]

sounds like her 7 year old cousin is a victim of sexual abuse

[melloman16]

thats terrible.  I wonder if the other girl was abused when she was around 3.

[margypops]

I am sorry I see how its a problem with the relationship you have with a friend its good that you realise this in my opinion is'nt normal behavior and was learned by the 5 year old somewhere or seen on TV or a PC  a lot of times an older child is involved .and as far as your part is concerned you let it go.The parents of the child have in my opinion to figure out why and how their 5 year did this as it will happen again if not addressed .

[mom2526]

Thank you for the responses.. I don't think the other girl ripped off my daughter clothes.. but I do think it was her idea and coaxed my daughter into lying down. I think it was a learned behavior on the other little girls part, I cannot be mad at her.. she's only 5..  I agree.. I will never have an unsupervised playdate, I just never thought somehthing like this could happend w/2 5 year old little girls. - The other parents at first said this was normal for little girls to be curious.. which I understand.. i get that.. But when their daughter belly to belly on top of my daughter and did what she did, that is NOT normal. My daugther was probably shocked.. and they way she described calling out to me, it was as if she were all choked up and her voice wouldn't get loud.. hard to describe.. she showed me some of her facial expresion as she said she called out to me.. she was stunned and scared.. this was her best friend. - So all your advice was good.. I did and said all of that.. I spoke to a dr. and said the same as all of you.. We are not bringing it up and moving on.. And know that she will never need to see that other girl again!
BTW, the other little girl does have a 8 year old brother and 10 year old sister. Her parents now realize that she learned this from somewhere or at worse, she was molested herself. She has been my best friend for 25 years.. and I am the other little girls Godmother.. so its a terrible situation all around!  Again, thank you!!

[RockRose]

mom,  I agree with the other two,  the less you make of this the better.

And the other girl didn't rip your daughter's clothes off.  I think you need to recognize this was pretty mutual,  although apparently when your daughter wanted it to stop the other girl wouldn't stop and then your daughter allowed the girl to decide not to yell out.  

I think you need to just frankly tell your daughter that if something unwanted like this happens again,  she should yell out for help that is in the next room, and not willingly take off her clothing.

And then let it go.  The more you and your husband appear "devastated",  the more your daughter will feel guilty and dirty.

[allmymarbles]

This will not become a serious issue unless you make it one. Tell your daughter that her friend's behavior was bad and mean, and then let the subject go. I doubt that it would help to speak to the other girl's mother and she might react by blaming your daughter. By the way, end the friendship.

[margypops]

It is always best for parents to have supervision on play dates we hear so many times that children are left alone in bedrooms to their own devices, this is my general opinion . It may be that this other child has had some form of abuse her self has she older siblings?What did her parents say about it ?