A loner!

[mum2mas]

I have a 4 year old who finds socializing with his peers a problem.  He goes to pre-school three days and spends most of the day alone or talking to the teachers. When we have get together with my mothers' group he just cannot mix with the other kids.  I saw him ask a couple of the kids to play him and they both said no.  He come away crying.  I t breaks my heart.
He is a very intelligent boy and loves interacting with older kids and adults. The director at his school said that because of him being beyond his years he does not want to mix with his peers.
He seems happy enough but I constantly worry for him as I don't want to be outside looking in all the time!
Help, please!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aim7407]

Hey,  I wouldn't worry! He sounds like he's just wise beyond his years! My daughter was the Same way, she was very shy around kids her age, and related well to adults (although I must say, she was pretty much just shy in general and really wouldn't talk to anyone, unless I was right there). I think it might be because I was (still am) a stay at home Mom, and although she was exposed to other children through play and church, it wasn't as much as her exposure to adults. When she began kindergarten, she was very quiet, perfect angel, and at first wouldn't talk to anyone but the teacher. After a few weeks, she had made a best friend! It doesn't seem as though he prefers to be alone, since he did approach others and asked to play. But even if he does prefer to be alone, that's okay! It sounds like he is well balanced, and would like to play with other kids, but just needs time to get used to behaving like they do, and feels more comfortable around adults. I wouldn't worry, he will almost certainly eventually start to feel more comfortable around kids his age. Give him time and I bet you anything he will. If he's in 2nd or 3rd grade and still won't talk to any kids or play, then I'd take him to a doc, but really I really think it sounds like he's just a bit shy and very mature for his age. Take care and hope this helps.  If it's any consolation, my daughter is now a  peppy, loud, smart, friendly , sometimes obnoxious,  10 year old!    Merry Christmas!

[RockRose]

mum - I agree with what Aim said.

Also,  he needs help with social skills.  Walking up to another child and saying will you play with me NEVER works!   The answer is NO everytime.  

If he wants another child to play with him,  he needs to say hey come build this block tower,  hey let's race these cars,  etc.  OR just start building a great block tower in front of the other kids,  and they'll join in.  

It doesn't sound like he wants to be alone,  he's being rejected because his social skills are not smooth, and he doesn't interact the way the other kids do.  One of the best things for me,  as a mom,  was watch the very savvy kids and how they handle interactions,  and help your son do that.  

[April2]

My son was just like that when he was little! He really had trouble socially. It was the same thing. He was so smart, he had trouble relating to kids his age. One time I told his 5th grade teacher that he seemed to worry about things a kid shouldn't have to worry about. I didn't see other kids his age doing that. She said that was a sign of intelligence. He was just so ahead of other kids his age. He did wind up making two really good best friends and that's how he has been for the most part. He's just picky about his friends. He has a few close friends, but they're good kids.

I agree with the others. Try and help him with his social skills. Perhaps you could invite a friend at a time over for a play date. If you invite more than one though, they may leave your son out, so I'd stick with one at a time. Try that and see if that helps. It doesn't sound like he wants to be alone. He just needs help learning how to interact with others. He's still young. He'll learn, don't worry.

[Danalou275]

My 5 year old is the exact same way. The teacher told me that he cries because often he gets picked last for stuff (WHY do they still do that to kids???) She suggested that we call up a couple kids and have some play dates outside of school. It takes the pressure off and they can more easily interact with kids on their own turf. Also, getting him involved in sports/ activities where he can meet more kids. Sometimes if you are doing something together, there's less pressure too. Like, it's easier to go bowling on a first date than to sit across from someone at a restaurant!

[Nena1955]

I have a 5 year old nephew who I love and care for.  His mother who is my sister and  him reside at my home ever since he was born.  He is in kindergarten.  About one week ago he started carrying  his little teddy bear with him all over.  Where he goes, the teddy bear goes.  Even when he goes to school, eat, bath, sleep and play, watch TV.  I asked him this morning why he all of a sudden started carrying his teddy bear with him and he said that his friends at school are boring.  He carries the teddy bear in the back pack as he is only allowed to take it out during recess.  He is a normal 5 year old boy, who likes to play with his toys at home, watch cartoons, is friendly.  But this seems to worry me because not even when he was a toddler he would carry his teddy bear.  

[Dekomp]

firstly dont worry but be aware, try to find out why he cant get on with the other kids ?
being so close its not always easy to see faults in the ones we love.
my childs problems have increased with age and i now a guilt you wouldent believe
because i listened to other people who said she would grow out of it and her probs have increased over the years . Do you have the support of the Grandparents ? you know sometimes they can see things you cant or dont want to , or discuss with a close family member who,s opinion you can rely on. I hope you find a answer ! dont give up or be fobbed off, till your happy your childs happy, its me now who cries for his lonely child.

[disiemaude]

When I was a kid my mother says that I was the same way. She placed me in a group that was for cheer-leading (it was a bunch of little girls who pretty much got to play dress up and dance!) and she said it helped with me. Even though now most of my friends are older than I am, and always have been.