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ADHD or Bad behaviour??/

Hello, I have written my question in the ADHD forum and someone recommended that I should write it in this one. My question is rather long so I was hoping that you would take a look and reply. It is titled the same as this one. ADHD or bad behaviour?? Posted yesterday. Thanks I need some feedback.
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Avatar universal
You dont know how much help you have been to me. These are all excellent ideas, and its great to know my son is bnot the only one bouncing off walls at times. He is beginning football in a couple of weeks and gymnastics so this should help a little, I must get the trampoline mat fixed so I can get him to use some energy there too. I must admit I have been letting get on my treadmill occasionally. He thinks its fun. Thanks again so much!! Chapmanmum.
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184674 tn?1360860493
He probably is storing up lots of energy. My son is like that in the way that he can be quiet and fairly still, usually when he's watching a movie.
Then when it's time to turn the movie off or he loses interest, it's like he was calm for too long and then he bounces off the walls, runs around, jumps and climbs on things, shouts, and pushes defiance with me. I wouldn't say he's gone crazy, just that he's stored up energy from being calm too long. Some children are more expressive than others when it comes to handling their energy.
When my son gets like that, I let him wear himself down in a way that's not going to get him in trouble or disrespect me. If I can't get him out of the house to ride his bike or take him to the park, then I let him run back and forth down the hallway of the house, shout (but not too loudly around me; if he needs to shout excessively I tell him to go in his room so he doesn't hurt my ears), and even climb and jump on the couch (it's an ugly, old, worn out couch anyway). He can bounce around and wear himself down as much as he wants, as long as he stays within his boundaries of respecting me and my property and doesn't do anything to endanger himself. But if he starts losing control, he gets one warning and then he either gets time out, loses priviledges, or gets a swat on the rear. Once he's had a chance to wind down (the best times being from outside, energetic play), he's very docile and much less defiant with me.
Perhaps you could invest in one or more of these things to help him relieve some energy: a trampoline, a pogo stick, in-line skates, a punching bag, or martial arts lessons or some other sport that he can do year-round.
Good luck to you and I hope things get better!
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Avatar universal
Just wanting to thank you for taking the time to read my post and answer it. I have always figured as you said that a child cant turn ADD off and on and then I read articles that some ADD kids cope better with structure and someone else giving them the disipline, thats why I was so confused, but what you say makes a lot of sense to me. I dont think its fair when I have family members confronting me about my son saying I need to have him assessed for ADD when I dont think it is and then I get confused and think Im missing something. I try to be a great mother, changing his diet and the marble jar, but as you said I need to face up to him a bit more and show him than Im the boss. It is just amazing how fast he can change from being quite and still and then his eyes pop out and he goes crazy, how do I get him to settle? Time out maybe? I do send him out to ride his bike if I see he has too much energy.
I thought it was fine he didnt join in on games at parties but once again I was told otherwise. Anyway Im going to get a lot harder on him now, in fact when you gave me the example of going out for dinner I would have done your first example. So you have definately rang some alarm bells for me.
Thanks again, Chapmanmum.
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184674 tn?1360860493
I read your post in the other forum. I don't think your son has ADD/ADHD, as mentioned by someone else, because one can't turn that disorder on and off. He's doing well in school, academically and behaviorly. It's at home or when he's with the family where the problem is displayed.
You said as a middle child he gets treated the same disciplinary-wise as the other kids, but you also said you try to tip-toe around his personality issues to avoid conflict. I can guarantee you he picks up on this and is manipulating it to his benefit--kids are very intuitive and smart that way!
As a parent, you have to be willing to face conflict head on whenever it comes up. With young children, it's better that you face it immediately rather that put it off for later. That said, set firm boundaries for him. Then it's up to you to enforce those boundaries when they're crossed.
Say he's warned to use his quiet voice in a restaurant, then he shouts out a minute later, what are you going to do? Are you going to say, "I asked you to use your quiet voice. Please do next time or you'll get a marble taken from your jar." Or are you going to say, "Get up. Come with me outside or to the bathroom," then take him there, tell him how disruptive and disrespectful he's being to you and others, and straighten up now or the meals are going to be boxed and you'll all go home (with the rest of the family upset with him for ruining dinner) and he'll get two or three marbles taken from his jar, not just one.
Should he raise a conflict, don't budge. Follow through and face the conflict. Go home, take the marbles from his jar, put him in time out, and if he's still angry and throwing a massive tantrum, start taking priviledges away for say, each two minutes of the tantum, like watching movies or video games for a week.
Trust me, he'll get the point and in a very short period of time (probably about a week) he'll decide he dislikes conflict with you much more than you do with him!
As for him not being too social with other kids at parties and the like, that I wouldn't worry about. Sounds like he's got an introverted personality, meaning large groups of people and excessive socializing just don't interest him. That's no big deal; lots of kids and adults are like that, and it doesn't mean that they've got some sort of personality dysfunction.
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