My daughter, who will be 5 in a couple months and in Pre-Kindergarten. Last year, August 2006, I recieved full custody of my daughter and my ex-wife recieved only supervised visits a couple Saturdays a month. There were no visits until March 2007. During that time, my fiance became "Mama" to my daughter. This was not pushed by me, my fiance, or our families. This came from my daughter one night. She had replaced my ex-wife on her own and found my fiance to be the kind of woman that she wanted in her life.
In March, my ex-wife decided to act upon her visitation schedule and see my daughter. The first visit lasted 4 hours and after those 4 hours, my daughter had recessed from the previous 8 months that my ex had not been in her life. During this visit, my ex told my daughter that she was going to take her from me and my fiance at a grocery store for her to live w/ my ex forever. This disturbed me and my fiance. Two weeks later, my ex saw her again. Two weeks after that, when my daughter saw her play therapist, it came out that my ex had told my daughter that she was "going to kill her and herself so that they could be in heaven forever."
This disturbed me, as it would anyone, to the point where I violated the court order and got a protective order for my daughter against my ex-wife. She then didn't see her for another 4 1/2 months. A judge granted her a chance to continue supervised visits and she did for one visit on August 18th. Since then, she has cancelled one visit and didn't show up to another one on Sept. 8th.
What kind of emotional damage or psychological damage could come from the actions of my ex-wife toward my daughter? What kind of behavior problems could arise from this?
There is really no way to speculate about the issue you raise. Suffice it to say that, if your daughter's reports are accurate, the experiences would be very frightening for your daughter. It is clear why the court has insisted on only supervised contact. Her mother cannot be entrusted to properly care for your daughter and have your daughter's best interests at heart, left to her own devices.
Wow. I completely sympathize with you. We're having VERY similar issues with my step-daughter. Her bio-mother is bi-polar and is starting to fill her head with all kinds of things a 4 year old shouldn't have to deal with. She has scary rages and has already gotten kicked out of pre-school because of her rage. The ex-wife has started telling the children that they can come live with her when they're 12 and is very irregular with her visitation and makes sure that the kids never have a waking moment when they're not thinking about her. She's truly manipulative. I'm raising the children as, basically, my own and she sees this as a threat and tries to attach them to her anyway she can - without actually taking responsibility for raising them.
We've gotten with an attorney and he has said there's not much chance we can protect them from her - that the courts encourage interaction with the non-custodial parent. We always have the option to go to court, but we're afraid of what that will bring.
We've gotten my step-daughter in with a psychologist to hopefully get some recommendations on how she's doing and what impact, if any, the birth-mother has on her rages.
Welcome to the life of my fiance. She has been called 'Mama' since last year about this time. and my ex-wife has chosen to stay w/ a baby beater instead of getting to see her daughter. My daughter's play therapist has said that she has made leaps and bounds from where most children her age usually are. Our main problem is that my daughter has some issues w/ my fiance in the sense that my fiance disciplines her. My ex didn't. We also have a problem w/ my daughter after she gets back from her visits w/ my ex.
I'm sure your fiance is in the same boat I'm in - there's really no resources out there to tell us how to "mother" someone else's child. I think full-time step mothers have a very unique position, and hence delimma. We don't want the childrent to be raised withought giving them all the wonderfully motherly things that children should have - but we're being stopped from doing so by the bio-mom (who in most cases is not giving the children what they need).
I've been living this for 2 years - I can definately sympatize with your fiance.
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