Acting out in school- pre-k 3 years old

[frustrated473727]

I don't know what to do. My 3 year old about to be 4 is just out of control. I'm losing my patience more and more everyday. She doesn't listen, she doesn't care about rules, she's not listening when I spank her. Up until she started pre-k a few months ago she was fine, then she started saying she didn't want to go to school, she'd start saying she felt sick then crying everyday, her teachers started saying how she doesn't want to do her work (which she does, everything they do we do at home) and I've seen the things she does not complete and it amazes me the trouble she puts her teachers through. She won't want to clean up, she'll lay around during story time and just not listening. The only time it ever seems I can get her to stay still is when she is watching youtube videos. I don't know what to do, just today I got a call saying she had an accident and when I got to the school I'm guessing she had diarrhea but she's done something she's never done before and starting putting it on the bathroom walls and locked herself in the stall. It seriously amazed that she did that because she didn't do that even during potty training. I have tried positive reinforcement, I praise her when she does a good job by going plenty of compliments, treats, toys and I talk to her when she does things wrong. Her doctors are thinking of putting her on some sort of medication because I've explained how she does not listen and is very temperamental.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  A couple of things really stand out to me.  First, preschool is supposed to be FUN.  This sure doesn't sound like she is having fun.  REAL school starts in a couple of years as she is three.  When that occurs, you don't have a choice.  NOW, you do.  Maybe this isn't a good fit for her.  I didn't send my kids to a preschool that was WORK or had things that were called work that they had to sit and do.  They finger painted, sang songs, listened to stories, and through play and guided activities learned things like letters, letter sounds, how to hold a pencil, eventually how to write their name.

So, I think this is your opportunity to be her loving mama and stand up for her.  Not every child is ready for the full on school experience as a 3 year old.  If it is in your control to scale back, choose a different school, etc., I'd recommend this.  Emotionally this can be the best thing for your child.

If she was fine before this school and outside of this school . . .   well, that says a lot.

Now, I have a son that had a horrible time in preschool at 3 and then 4.  He was not doing what other kids were doing in preschool.  His teacher came to me with concerns (different than complaints).  They identified that they thought perhaps something 'else' was going on.  He was my first born so I didn't really see it initially as had less to compare it to.  He was evaluated and diagnosed with a nervous system developmental delay called Sensory Integration Disorder.  In school it looked like this:  not wanting to participate, inability to focus, overreaction to things that made no sense like washing his hand, meltdowns, poor peer social skills.  At home and with me, it was different.  But there were still signs.  He also had some speech issues in that he garbled sometimes the middle of words like instead of saying THOMAS the train he said "Tho AS" Ieaving  out the M.  This and he also was clumsy and tripped a lot.  Those were the first indicators to his teachers believe it or not.  (very wise ladies!).  

So, if something like THAT is going on.  Please look into how to help.  I will tell you that my son did occupational therapy for SIX years.  And while he had those issues in preschool, he is a stellar student.  Now at 12, he just got his report card with his lowest grade being a 98 % and highest is 102 %.  He plays sports, is in band and has friends.  Issues in early preschool do NOT mean a lifetime of misery.  :>)  As long as you work on things.  They can do tremendous things to help a child these days.  But, that is IF something like a neurological reason for her school behavior is going on.

If not, I'd consider that this just isn't the right place for her.  Or the right time.  NOT worth giving her a stomach ache or making her feel like a rotten, bad little girl (as she probably feels all the time for struggling in school both by teachers and you) which can eat away at her self esteem and THAT cold last forever.  I'm not being dramatic.  Her self image is forming.  And if she is made to feel like she is a bad kid at 3 in preschool, it can be hard to get over.  Why do I know this?  My son felt this way---  he wasn't in trouble with me by any means but he always felt different.  It's taken YEARS for him to shake that.  

Spanking must feel like insult to injury to her if you are spanking her for things she did in school.  She's struggling at school.  I'm sure she doesn't want to NOT do the right thing.  Keep that in mind and parent with compassion.  good luck

[Sandman2]

  If she was fine until she started pre-K, then things fell apart.  Then the school might be part of the problem.  Have you visited the school to observe and watch her and them?
   Next, if spanking has not worked (and it usually does not work to change a learned behavior).  Then stop it.  I suggest buying "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.   It gives you a very specific form of time outs that is very effective.  One of the problems with spanking is that you don't want to do it all the time.  To change behavior, you must be immediate,  and consistent with your reinforcement.  Since it is pretty tough to spank a child repetitively during the day - it won't work.  Timeouts will if you do it correctly and also realize it will take about 2 to 3 weeks to change a learned behavior.
    Finally, I would like to know what kind of mediation her doctors what to put her on and what kind of doctors they are.   There are no clinical standards that allow you to put a 3 year old on medication without trying some effective parenting first.