Adopted Children Daycare Behavior

My husband & I adopted 3 children age 2,3 & 5 about 1 1/2 years ago.  The two younger are boys, now age 3 & 4.  Since we both work, they attend a Daycare and have been at the same Daycare since they came to live with us.  At home, we really don't have anything but normal problems with the boys.  We raised two older children so have a basis to form an educated judgement.  The boys are disruptive and defiant in the daycare setting.  At first, we felt this behavior would improve.  We have tried reward, time-out and spanking (The Foster parents informed us they used spanking but we are very opposed to this).  They are both old enough to know right/wrong, but they continue to go through different behaviors...biting, spitting, hitting, kicking, throwing toys at other kids.  Telling Daycare workers to "Shut-up, I don't have too, etc.  Disrupting naptime.  The Daycare uses a color system for behavior (green-yellow-red)  The two boys are on red 3 or more times each week.  They are usually the only two in the daycare causing this level of problems.  We started with simple positive reinforcement...Be on green today and have a treat when we get home, or be on green and you'll get a new sticker.  This didn't work. Then we
tried corner time age appropriate, failed too.  Next was quiet time for 30 min.  Failed too.  Spanking worked a short time, we hated it.  We have increased time-out to their individual room, explaining what behavior caused the necessary discipline.  You can't bite other children.  You cannot spit at the teachers, etc.  We have seen no improvement in how they behave in the Daycare setting.  AT home, we have no problems with discipline.  They are just "normal kids"!  Our concern is that this behavior must be stopped for them to succeed in school.  The Daycare is a very good one, we know other parents and their children and they don't have these problems.  Since they are adopted, we obviously don't know alot of things about them.  We are both very concerned that this defiant, nasty behavior seems unimproved.  We have reached our extreme by telling the boys, if you are on red, you will spend the evening in your room.  No TV.  You may play with your toys but you will not come out until tomorrow.  We do interact with them while they are in their room, not limit it.  Obviously they hate this.  We just started it and now wonder if we should stick with it or WHAT?  Any guidance would be much appreciated!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Your demonstration of support for the school by following up on the behavior when the children get home is sound, though what will be more important is the response at school. If the children violate the rules at the daycare setting, they should be placed in time out right away. It may be that the children become more disorganized in the group situation and that is why you don't witness the same behavior at home. Developmentally they may not yet be 'ready' for such a group situation and may require a smaller setting. Are there options for that?

[sky74]

does your daycare give awards or stickers for not changing colors,like if you stay off of red for a week you can get in the treasure box or something along those lines .you wrote that you do that but does the daycare .i change colors and use sticker books for mannors and good behavors.i also let them get into the treasure closet after five times of not makeing it to red .it seems to work very well .if we have a good nap they add a sticker to their sticker book.i have a daycare and preschool.this has worked very well for us .good luck!