Adoption & Danergous possible biological father

[momjp]

My husband has been in my son's life since he was a baby, my son is 9 going on 10 very soon. When I found out I was having a baby almost 10 years ago my life had completely changed, I was not hanging out with the best people and did have a couple of boyfriends. The one, I know in my gut has to be his father is a completely dangerous person. The day I said I was having a baby he completely freaked out on me saying I just wanted his family's money and then telling me that he will take care of me. Then he told me I needed to stop seeing my boyfriend I told him that I didn't want to be with him but if he wanted to be a part of our lives that could be arranged. He didn't handle this comment very well at all, he pulled out a gun and held it to my head he told me that if he couldn't have me and the baby he should just kill us both. Needless to say I ran from him, I packed my apartment and moved as far away as I could. I didn't look back.  

Like I said my son is 9 and my husband and I want to make our family official by have my son adopted by my husband and have his last name changed from my maiden name to my married name. How can I do an adoption without advertising where we are, who we are and what was done to me, and the choices I had to make to bring my son into the world? I have always stuck to my story as to I am not sure who the biological is but I feel my son feeling completely and wholely a part of our family. Im sure thoughts of why I have waited so long are running rampid but the truth is Im scared I am right and I am scared of what he would do almost 10 years later.

[specialmom]

Really great advice.  I commend the poster for doing what is necessary to give their child a 'healthy' life as well.  good luck

[allmymarbles]

I am in total agreement and can't think of anything to add. You have said it all.

[adgal]

I'm so glad you have obviously turned your life around and it's obvious you want what is best for your child.  I am Canadian, but I do believe the laws are similar here, if not the same when it comes to this issue. First off, did you put the bio fathers name on the birth certificate? Who's last name does he carry? If you left it off or unknown, you may be ok.  If you did put his name on, then in some cases the courts will rule that it is in the childs best interest that the bio father not be notified, and his parental rights can be terminated without further notification.   This is not overly common, but I am assuming the bio dad has never had any sort of relationship with his child or paid child support.  

You really need to see a lawyer that practices family law.  Remember that your lawyer works for you, and can give you advice without making the information public.  I hope that this all works out with you.  I can't blame you for not wanting this man in your childs life.  If push comes to shove, you may have to skip the adoption part of it, but that doesn't make you and your husband & child any less a family.