Advanced 3 year old

I have a 3 year old son who I believe to be advanced.Since a baby he hit milestones months ahead of time,was using hundreds of words by 18mo and sentences,could do all the basic academic numbers,colors,etc by then and a great memory and imagination.By 2 he was going into character and assigning roles to us.THe kind of kid when people talk w/ him they scratch their head and go "HOW old are you again?"
Now at just turning 3 he started a traditional nursury school in September. We looked at both academic and behavioral (play based)and decided this was the way to go for us. It has a circle time,music,playtime,etc. It is a cooperative so I am fortunate to sometimes be in classroom participating. There are 15 kids. What I have noticed from day 1 is by far my son has garnered the most attention from the teacher (both good and negative).He is often first to call out answers and participate in questions BUT at same time he is often reprimanded for not listening or challenging her. Examples would be things like there is a circle time. She does the 5 monkeys jumping on the bed song and says to the kids everyone is gonna pretend to be monkeys. All the kids start doing it except my son,he says' I don't want to be a monkey, I am going to be a lion instead' and proceeds to roar and be a lion. Then circle time comes later. They are about to read a book. My son jumps up, goes 'brrriinnnggg' and runs over to a shelf where a wooden phone is sitting (mind you this is his first day, I dont even know how he saw that was there) and says 'excuse me, i have to answer the phone' ,'oh hi grandma,ok ,by'meanwhile teacher is calling him back over,etc
Other thing I saw one day she is about to read a book about leaves changing colors for Fall. He was going crazy and in his defense raising his hand,"Mrs.C..Mrs.C...' and she would not let him speak,she kept saying not now Luke..He wouldnt give in,"but Mrs.C I want to tell you about an animal I know of that changes colors too, a chameleon"..She said no,today we are talking about leave,ok.
Later that night he told my husband about how she would not let him discuss it and the weekend went by,first thing Monday am he tells me today I am gonna talk to Mrs. C about the chameleon b/c she wouldnt let me, I guess it bothered him all weekend.
Today she took me aside and told me he often tells her NO to things she asks or wants to do them his way or brings up an idea of something else he would rather do and she does not know how to deal with it. She actually seemed pretty frustrated.
I said I would speak to him more at home. The thing is with me at home I dont see this. He is good as gold at home,sure he has his moments but he does listen to us. I DO find at home he is challenging in sense that he needs a lot of activities. Is it possible he is just emotionally immature for 3 years old despite being verbal and smart,or can he be bored,does he need more stimulation,? I am at a loss!

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

To be frank, your son's behavior is simple to address. He is displaying some noncompliance that is typical of pre-schoolers and it requires very straightforward limit setting and, if necessary, discipline. He should be expected to follow the directions of parents and teachers. If he does not, he should be placed in time out for several minutes. During the time out he should be expected to sit in a chair quietly. When the time out is over, he should be asked: How come you're in time out? It should be underscored that he is in time out because he did not do as he was told. Actions speak more loudly than words in this regard. So of course you and the teacher should talk (briefly) about your expectation that he do as he is told, but just as (and perhaps more) important is the action you take when he does not follow directions.

[cd28]

Could it be that you are not recognizing instances of this behaviour at home? Sometimes it is very subtle, and if you aren't tuned into it you might just see it (and reward it) as precocious behaviour.

Sounds like you are justifiably very proud of your child, but are looking for some sort of validation of the fact your child is above average.  As if it is ok to hijack the teachers question b/c your child is making an advanced association.  While he clearly IS, he does need to learn to follow the rules of the class and stay on topic.  If you want him to jump from thought to thought, you might not want him in a typical school setting.  They are fairly restrictive.

[23kmo]

To the mother of the advanced 3 year old.  I do have sympathy for you.  I am going through the same thing however, my son just turned 4 one week ago.  Just recently started a new school 2 weeks ago and it has been one thing after another since starting him there.  I believe (my own opinion) is that many of these day care teachers are STRESSED OUT!!! I know mine is because of what she has told me that is going on personally in her life.  I believe also that as human beings it's sometimes hard to separate family life and professional responsibility.  I believe when this happens the children suffer.  This is not to say I don't believe in structure, routine, and I also believe the earlier you get them started on this the better.  I have experienced 3 day care settings and use to visit day care and monitor compliance, activities, teacher training, ratio, etc.  for a job I had several years ago.  And unfortunately when we put our children in a day care setting we don't know what goes on behind close doors.  I was so frustrated and so was my son that I decided to visit the daycare yesterday morning for a few hours.  I see why some children are stressed out.  Teachers yelling at kids, kids yelling at kids, and if you are a sensitive child this will affect you.  (By the way I am also a therapist.)  Kids have it hard!!!  I would suggest to you like everyone is suggesting to me give it some time.  Though I know it's hard.  My son had an all out tantrum yesterday(and other days) and the Director had to come get him out of the class.  What we are told is at nap time he doesn't want to go to sleep and makes funny noises with his mouth, I suspect to get attention.  Our son is also a bright boy and is already reading.  I believe he could have a behavioral problem that will continue to require discipline setting but also encouragement, hugs when necessary, even when not necessary, lots of telling a child he is doing a great job and constant nurturing as opposed to yelling and expecting this, and expecting that.  And don't let anyone try to tell you to get your son evaluated.  (Sorry Doc)  ADHD, ODD, etc.are some of the most over diagnosed(sp) disorders.  Give your son some time.  And if anyone wants to call me to the carpet on this I'm ready.  I see teen agers who have all these diagnosis.  I believe it's wrong  (some cases are warranted).  I will quit my job tomorrow and homeschool if necessary because I say that no one has a child's best interest in mind except his or her own parents (loving, dedicated parents, I am talking about).  Love your child, even if he gets a bad report on a daily basis.  Talk to him but, hold him tight and love him and show him the fantastic qualities that he has been given.  Teach him also what it means to be responsible, don't spoil, tell him he is the BEST!!! Tell him he is bright.  And by the way when you pick him up from day care give him a big hug and kiss even when the teacher tells you that he did not behave well.  THen talk to him when you get home.

[23kmo]

what happen

[sunnymom2]

It is interesting that you asked if he may be doing this at home and I am overlooking b/c after all of this happened at school I started to really,really watch our interactions and you know what,YOU WERE RIGHT.Oh,it was subtle,but it is there. Partly b/c I have a baby also at home maybe I was letting him get by with a response to me like I will do what you want in a minute,etc and b/c my hands were full or my attention briefly turned to the baby he was sneaking by not following my instructions on initial asking. We are now really working on it. I fully agree a person has to be able to follow directions to be well rounded. There surely is no excuse for interupting someone speaking no matter how cute or brilliant your idea may be, he has to learn that and he will.We are focusing on it. Teacher stopped me again other day to reiterate that sometimes when she sees a kid who may be highly developed in one area there can be another area slower to catch up which could definitely explain his behavior. But also obviously he has learned to take advantage and partly he may just have a bossy personality that needs to be channeled positively? In either case I am really tuning in to the behavior at home and am first to admit once I really really paid attention to his responses to requests I made I realized this is what he is doing at school,the I am busy comments,the just a minute,the strange things like he can't come now b/c he is stuck in glue,etc.It must be exhausting for his teacher, I guess I was used to it but I can't expect her to spend 10 min of her time directed to a game of unsticking him so he can join the group...oh boy.!

[cd28]

Thank you for letting me know.  I had an idea that might be happening, because when my daughter was alive she used to do the same thing.  I was proud of her and even encouraged her to think broadly, not realizing it would be a problem in traditional schools.  Or even non-traditional ones.  Everyone has to learn to follow rules and to stay on target in conversations, and I unwittingly encouraged her to not do so.  

I hope things work out for you.  Sounds like you are wonderfully involved and will do well.

[wacava]

Hello,

I have the same issues with my 4 year old.  She has been evaluated and is working on the same level as a first grader in some instances and even higher with others.  Her activity level is very high unless she's challenged.  The nursery school she was in did very well with bringing things in that would help keep her challenged during freeplay so she was calmer.  They did, however, have issues with her not listening during circle time and other structured parts of the day.  After observing the classroom, the teachers and I sat down and had a talk about how WE were going to handle the situation.  I believe no solution will work unless the school and the parents work together.  I started telling my daughter that the rules that the school sets are also MY rules and they told her that the rules I set at home where THEIR rules.  This way, there was one set of rules for both home and school. It has made huge difference in the way she acts in school.  

I'm glad that you realized what was happening at home.  Sometimes we tend to overlook things at home since we are not always giving our children our complete attention.