Aggressive 5 1/2 yr old

[Hawaii1097]

Here is my situation.  I have a 5.5 yr old  boy is attending a pre-k program.  He has been identified as having developmental delay, sensory issues, as well as issues re social maturity and now to add to the list agressivenss in his classroom.  The aggressiveness is very frustrating for me becuase I am mystified as to why he may act out at school , when we are not aggressive at home.  He has been reported to hit, punch, bit and kick his other class mates and does not show remorse, which terrifies me.  He has had multiple changes in the past months - new daycare, starting school and taking the bus.  His previous daycare situation was very large and the same issues were reported as well.  He is currently getting OT for fine motor and gross motor issues.  He has been screened by various MDs - geneticist, cardiologist, etc and was not found to have any specific dx.  We do provide discipline at home when he is after his sister who is 8.  His father travels quite alot and I was wondering  how much this could be part of the problem.  Any guidance you can provide is welcome.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

If you search for a particular reason, such as his father's travels, to explain your son's aggressive behavior, your search will likely be in vain. Such children behave in a disorganized, aggressive fashion usually for one (or both) of two reasons. One is that, in the presence of groups, children who are immature developmentally tend to feel vulnerable, unsettled, and when this occurs they become aggressive. The other reason is that, when such children's wishes/wants are interrupted, they become angry and strike out. My sense is that you are witnessing both phenomena. The recommended strategy is to implement a very structured, systematic plan to manage the behavior. Usually such plans have two facets: one involves rewards for acting safely, the other involves strict, clear limits on aggression and periods of immediate time out for any transgressions.

[Shooshy]

This is exactly the same situation that we and my son are experiencing.  He is 6 and has sensory issues, language delay, poor eye contact, and his social skills are lacking.  He started a new school this month for Kindegarten and has been displaying agressive behavior.  His schoolwork his great and is considered a very bright child.  I too don't know what to do.  I have been told to do the reward system, but every day it is some complaint.  How do I reward him ?

[kaie]

it sounds like your Son has an autism spectrum disorder such as aspergers syndrome.  The reasons the children are aggressive in the classroom are they don't understand the concept of personal space, and they are in constant need of attention.  My 6 yr old son has aspergers and has to have an assistant with him in the classroom.  Also we used to spank but have found that this only encourages aggressive behavior.  We have a timer and when my son is bad we put him in timeout.  we set the timer for 6 mins 1 min per yr of age and he knows that if he gets up or says a bad word before the timer beeps another minute gets added.  Also if He starts having a tantrum either my husband or I will gently put him in a bear hug and hold him until he calms down telling him the whole time that we are holding him to calm down take deep breaths and we will let him go when he calms down.  these are the only two things that we have found to work.  also reward systems do work but sometimes you have to change the reward.  We have a bag of plastic coins that we use. We have a jar for my son to put his coins in, and the jar sits where he can see it.  when he gets 10 coins by Friday we will reward him with an ice cream or popsicle.  sometimes we change it up to pizza and a movie of his choice.   Hope this helps