Aggressive 4 year old son

[discouraged mom]

I am so worried about my 4-yr old son (to be 5 in May). He is the 3rd child (I have 2 daughters-14 and 10) so I know about "normal" tantrums. He does very well at school thankfully, but at home he can't handle frustration or not getting his way. He hits, screams, says mean things. We have been seeing a psychologist for 8 months who gave us the same advice as Dr. Kennedy gave the person w/a 3-yr old. The Dr. also told us we would see a change in as little as 1 month. My son is no better today than last year. We have tried time-outs, taking away toys, spanking, rewards and sticker charts for positive behavior, etc.. etc... The Dr labeled my son as ODD for a brief time, later saying it's possible that my son has childhood bipolar - but my son is wonderful at school. I am not interested in a label, just a solution!

I am terrified for him! He's so aggressive now that I can't imagine what will happen when he's bigger. He is such a sweet, loving boy when he's not having a meltdown, unfortunately meltdowns are regular! I am currently reading "The Explosive Child" and it is really hitting home... I've also started removing dairy and wheat/gluten from our diet...replacing the dairy with Rice milk, as 2 of my kids have shown an intolerance to Dairy.

I am desperately seeking strategies that will help my son cope better with life! If he gets upset in the car, he will start throwing things at me...when he goes into a meltdown, it's like he's on drugs - totally no control and no reasoning with him. We spend the majority of our time trying to avoid meltdowns.

Many of my friends tell me he's just a boy, he'll grow out of it...I'm so scared that he won't. It's like he is still in the terrible 2 stage, only bigger and more aggressive. I have 2 other children and know this is not normal!

Any advice is much appreciated!

[Cballard]

All I can say is that you're not alone. I also have a four year old boy and he does the same things. I have tried so hard to figure out what is wrong. When he isn't having one of his fits, he is the most loving child God could've given me. I really hope someone out there can give us some advice. I hope things get better for you because I know how stressful and heartbreaking it is.