Aggressive 4 year old

My 4 year old son has always been somewhat aggressive - especially when he gets tired.  He has gone through the biting stage (about 2 years worth) where he would draw blood.  Recently, he seems to have gotten worse.  The daycare staff has talked with me about him putting the other children in choke holds, hitting, kicking and seemingly not caring when he is talked to about his behaviour.  Yesterday, he gouged another child's cheek very badly (he needed stitches).  As my son is determined not to nap at daycare, he is going to bed early at night to try and make up for the sleep requirements.  Sometimes he falls asleep quickly, most times he stays awake for hours.  I have grave concerns regarding this aggressive behaviour.  We have taken all his toys from his room (he still has his books) and he can earn them back with good behaviour.  We have attempted rewarding good behaviour and taking away privlages with bad behaviour but it does not seem to make a difference.  He says he knows that this behaviour is wrong and he does these things because he wants to.  If this toy thing does not work, I have no idea what to try next to curb his aggressiveness.  There have not been any real changes in our home life in the last six months and I am at a loss to explain this behaviour.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I fear that he will be labelled as ADD once he starts school because of this even though he can focus his attention for long periods of time and does really exhibit any other symptoms.  I am at my wits end.

[distressed_mom]

Sorry folks - the second last sentance should read "does not really exhibit any other symptoms".

[ccrprvdr]

Aggression is often very difficult to manage in young children.  Some are aggressive to get attention--to children negative attention is still attention.  

With aggression: first review the environment:

What is the child watching on tv-- power rangers? spiderman? etc. Any and i mean ANY shows that contain the slightest amount of violence or aggressive behaviors need to be immediately removed from the aggressive child's routine and life.  

Is the child witnessing his/her parents fighting/having continuous arguments?  Ensure that your child sees you fixing problems, not arguing over them.  "Daddy just broke the screen door--time to fix it!"   "Oh no mommy spilled dinner all over the floor. Let me get a towel to clean it."

Is the child interacting with children his/her own age outside of childcare?  Play dates often assist children in advancing their social skills. Lacking social skills can contribute to aggression, since they may not know the appropriate way to enter a group.  (Biting/hitting/kicking/throwing toys may be due to the fact that a child does not have the social ability yet to verbalize his/her wants/needs and plans for play.)

In addition, rather than removing toys, have your child be responsible for his her actions.  DO NOT HIT your child or perform the same aggressive act on him/her, but instead talk with the child about feelings.  "You bit Johnny and he is very upset. How can we make him happy again?"  Give choices "Should we draw Johnny a picture or  give him a hug?"  When the child is able, have him/her write or dictate to you an apology note.  

I have found that even when children say "I don't care" the removal of toys often starts an even larger aggressive outburst and/or tantrum--
Good luck!

[angelinamarina]

hi,
i would have him evaluated for childhood bipolar.

i am sorry that you are going through this.  maybe things are better by now.

good luck!

angi