My son started Kindergarten about 7 weeks ago and the teacher has already made 3 calls home about his aggressive behavior. He has been blamed for (and yes, seen) pushing, hitting, and name calling. Last week I had to meet with teacher and vice principal because my son pointed 2 pencils at a classmate, saying he he was going to kill her.
I am definitely very confused over my child's behavior - he has been in preschool/daycare/summer camp since he was younger than 2 and never had issues with this.
What concerns me EVEN MORE however, is his teacher's response to it all. It has come to the point where she won't even listen to my child, and has told him "she does not believe him" when he says he did not do something. I met with her last week and basically got into a semi-argument over this, she told me that my child is "seedy" and that I have to, at some point, recognize that he is lieing to me. When I asked if children at 5 make conscious decisions to lie, she told me I needed to "stop making excuses for my child".
At the meeting with the vice principal, my son was asked to come over and tell his side of the pencil story. He was very fidgety - picking a chair up and down, looking around. The teacher turned to the vice prinicipal and stated "see, this is what he does when he is in trouble, he tries to divert my attention.". I immediately spoke up and said that my child was not tying to divert attention but was instead nervous. Thankfully, the VP agreed with me.
I am very concerned that this teacher is contributing to my child's behavior. I want him to enjoy school, not go to school afraid he wont be listened to. I am not saying that my child's actions are ok - I know it is not ok to use the word kill, and I know I need to work with him on things. But I worry that this teacher has somehow "labelled" my son, with only knowing him for 7 weeks. Is'nt a teacher supposed to be a child's ally? Listening to him and encouraging him to use his words?
Try not to get sidetracked. Surely the teacher's reactions appear to be out of line. Be open, though, to the point that your son is not being truthful about the behavior. And, when we already know what a child did, there's no point asking about it and inviting the opportunity to lie. Your son's behavior is a problem, regardless of the teacher's response. It does seem that the relationship between your son and the teacher is now compromised, and it might be better if your son were transferred to another class. But don't turn this into an indictment of the teacher. Keep your focus on your son's behavior - that is the main issue. Monitor yourself to be sure you are not excusing your son's actions or implying that the fault lies elsewhere.
I agree that his behavior needs to be nipped in the bud. I also, however think the teacher is being a bit irrational to not believe, considering the circumstances, that a child would be nervous. She doesn't seem to be able to totally be the adult in the situation by not letting him get to her personally. Perhaps they are just a bad match. I don't think it teaches children a good lesson in identifying and solving their problems when they are simply removed from the situation on a regular basis however, maybe switching his class would be a good idea and if the problems continue realize that there is more that you as a parent need to focus on. I am definatly not an expert, I just think support from other parents helps. It does for me.
Thanks so much for the comments/advice. I definitely will be working on these things with my son.
I guess I am just concerned because he has not really exhibited these actions before - this is very new for him. I would hope his teacher would understand this and help me with it.
If he is scared, or frustrated, or feeling friendless, I would hope that the she would help him with these feelings instead of contributing to them. Instead of berating him, I would hope she could help him adjust to Kindergarten a little better than he is.
I know I need to focus on this also, and have already started. :)
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