Aggressive (Very Aggressive) Behavior

[LittleMumDee]

Like other mothers, I am dealing with an extremely aggressive child. My 3 year-old son J, has had a bit of a "potty mouth" lately and has had numerous altercations with not only other students but also with the school We have informed the our child as well as the staff that this is not and nor will ever be tolorated and that as a team should be nipped. when we talk to our son and ask questions like, "Why is J acting this way?" or "Why did J do such a thing?", he only replies with, "Because it's the truth." Please help. It's getting to the point where we're all starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the school and I would really be disappointed if we had to change schools. What is the best way to communicate with our child to find out where this kind of behavior is coming from?


Thanks in advance

[Sandman2]

   lis51 has a good point.  It really is an attention getting device.  Ignoring the words can work - walking away is most important, its really like an immediate timeout. If you can't always do this then the immediate timeout also works.  Just realize that you have to be consistent and it will take several weeks for it to really take effect.  Don't expect an overnight cure!  Also I would pick just one or two words to focus on at the start.

[lis51]

I have a 4 year old son who had a terrible mouth. When little baby sister arrived, grandparents, nannies and visits alike had to cope with this little creature who had the mouth of an 18 yr. old.

We do not use bad words at home, not a single one, but he had learnt from my teenage brother a particular one and from my mother also (who didn´t realize that by even saying it once children get it). They sometimes don´t understand the meaning of the word but do understand that people use it as a means of aggression.

I was desperate, imagine having visits over to meet baby and my little one shouting to the nannies stupid assholes. It was really terrible.


I tried spanking, saying it´s not a good word, telling him stories about children saying bad words and losing their friends. Nothing worked, everything seemed to make matters worse. I decided to consult my pediatrician who gave me the best advice of all that truly worked. He said that if we give them lots of attention when using words like this they get worse.Like shouting, telling him you´ll wash his mouth with soap.  

You´re supposed to walk away from him when he gets like this, tell him that he´s not allowed to talk like this. He will follow you. Don´t make a fuss cause he´ll get it as a means of manipulation.  If he gets out of control with the words give him a time out.

If he doesnt hear those words at home he has no reason for remembering or using them,

[Sandman2]

   You know its really hard to communicate with a 3 year old.  To ask why?  Or to punish for something that happened 3 hours earlier is a waste of time.  They just don't have that capability yet.  
    Don't worry about where they heard the bad language (unless it was from your house!).  You can't fix, nor can the school fix what happens at recess.  What you can do is to immediately have consequences (as should the school) for any language you don't like.  Immediate timeout (for a short period).  Do this constantly and the behavior should carry over to school - at least till the child matures enough to know that he can't say those words at home, but can at school.
   To  LittleMumDee, changing schools won't make much difference cause he will hear those words anywhere.  Finding a school, that will follow through with consequences would be helpful.  Telling your son that this will not be tolerated is a waste of your time.  You have to consistently show him again, and again, and again.
   To gewel1, I applaud your attempt to change your sons behavior!  But I repeat, if its not an immediate consequence at this age - it's  a waste of time.  The school needs to give the consequence.  You need to do it at home if you hear a swear word or hitting.  At this age to do it after the fact is almost cruel and unusual punishment.  The child has no idea why he is sitting in his room as soon as he gets home.  And the last thing that needs to happen to a kid after a day in school is to come home and get sent to his room.  Yes, when they are about 3rd or 4th grade - not at 3.  Spend your time more productively by catching him in the act and nipping it in the bud!

[gewel1]

My son has been acting like that too. He is 3 as well, and will be 4 in August. He has started having a potty mouth, he is back talking and he is very aggressive with other kids. The daycare workers said a lot of kids go through this stage and that he wont act like this forever. We do punish him by grounding him for a little while when he gets home if he is bad at daycare (such as hitting or swearing, which he learned from another 3 yr old at the daycare) You cant really punish a 3 year old because they dont understand what they did wrong. I explain to him why i am putting him in the room and i shut the door so he wont follow me back out. Usually he will just sit on the bed for 30 minutes-1hour. Any longer than that and he falls asleep. It seems to be working though.

[allmymarbles]

What is his behavior like at home? Do you have other children? If so, how old are they and how well does he get along with them?

[mammo]

Changing schools will do no good.  Is your son punished for his behavior?  Do you have any idea where he learned the bad words?  At 3 years old he's not around many people so it should be easy to track it down.  Have you observed him at school without him knowing?  Have you heard any of his playmates speak like this?  Is the school working with you to resolve this?  I think it would help to know what the school is doing as well as your son's actions while there.  If he uses a potty mouth at home how is he disciplined for this and mis-behaving?  This would help us to help you.  Thanks.