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Avatar universal

Almost 4 and in other's space.

At the beginning of his preschool year for 3 year olds (first school experience) the teacher confronted me about my 3.5 year old son not keeping his hands to himself durig circle time (just touchy feely and in faces), "bumping" and pushing others when excited, grabbing toys back, doesn't know how to stand in line, has a hard time taking turns etc.. In Oct. the teacher finaly came up to me and told me he had a 100% turn around and was a very smart little boy. In the beginning of Feb I started to get the complaints again. And yes, I call them complaints because instead of trying to figure out how we can handle this together, I was told I have to work on this at home like I had to do in the beginning of the year. I guess he is back in other's personal space, he pushed a boy during gym class (couldn't get a clear answer if it was out of aggresion) and there was one incitdent when he cried because he couldn't be first. I would ask my son what happened at school and he would tell me that his teacher says that he has a big problem and that he needs to keep his hands in his pockets. I don't want my son going through life annoying people, or now worse, always being considered the bad kid because of this behavior.  I'm honestly not sure if he is just being a boy and that is not being tolerated, or if he really is an issue. I sent him to school to learn how to function in a class and now I feel like I am doing most of the reinforcing at home through Behavior modifaction charts and time outs due to a bad report. How do I get through to an almost 4 year old to stay out of others personal space? Is this just another phase- immaturity.  Was he just not mature enough for preschool- or is he just lacking impulse control. Why is this starting up again? I am pregnant with my third, but not due for 2 more months and he seems excited about it. How can I work with him on this where it can get through to my little boy?

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973741 tn?1342342773
ps---------  if you would like any ideas of games that you can play with him that help the sensory system, send me a note and I'll try to help.  We play about a million of them!!!  good luck
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Well, in retrospect, my son had some subtle signs of sensory issues at home but it was not until he went to preschool for one half day a week that I became aware that there may be a problem. He's a very smart boy and met all developmental milestones on time or early----------  so I was floored when a very astute teacher brought her concerns to my attention.  A therapist came and observed him 3 times in class and recommened an occupational therapy assessment.  We did this----  he had just turned 3 but it was inconclusive.  I read the results as he didnt have sensory and was relieved.  However, the next school year in which he went two half days a week, it became more clear.  So he was re evaluated again by an occupational therapist and he indeed has SID.  So an OT is who diagnosis it.  


Issues with touching are common with SID.  My son wasn't a hitter either----  but was way into people's area and would maybe put his hands on them.  One thing we did that really  helped is to talk about "robot arms".  That is when you stick your arms straight out in front like a robat and that you shouldn't get any closer than that to speak to someone.  I spent about 6 months just quietyly saying robot arms so my son would back up a step---  now it has stuck and he does it autimatically.  You can also get a hoola hoop and put it around him.  Have him hold it and then try to get in it with him.  He will laugh as this is going to feel uncomfortable------  it demonstrates space for other people.  

My son also has a harder time when he is excited.  It kind of opens the flood gates of the nervous system and it becomes overwhelmed with input--------  hence, it is harder to control ones self.

I don't know what is going on with your school, the teacher and your son.  I do tend to listen to a teacher when she says my child is falling outside of the norm.  I use that term not in a way to suggest that our children must fit neatly in a box-------  but a child who consistently stands out to a teacher needs further investigation, in my opinion.  Could be immaturity, for sure.  But he is with his peers of varying levels of maturity.  I would moniter it closely--------  and next year will be a very telling year.  If the  problems follow him in any way, then I would evaluate him.  My son started occupational therapy at 4 and just turned 6.  Everything has changed for him and he is doing wonderfully well (even to my own surprise.)  We couldn't be more happy that we started early intervention and feel forever indebted to his first preschool teacher that noticed something more was going on.  Not saying that is the case with your son, at all.  Good luck in figuring it all out!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have noted that your son has SID, how did you get this diagnosis and what exercises are being done to assure he is able to control his impulses. Does it lesson with time? That thought has crossed my mind, but then why did it stop for so long?

More bg info about the situation: I am not the only person who has gotten talked to (I know there were 2 other sets of parents who went through the same run at the beginning of the year- both parents of boys), and this is only the teacher's 2nd year with 3 year olds. SHe was perviously a 2nd grade teacher for 10 years.

So, on one hand the SID crosses my mind- he is always in others persnal space. Sometimes I blame myself because I am a big huger and cuddler with my children. He was a HUGE hitter (he'd hit when he was happy, sad, angry, for attention) I broke him of that through behavior mod. and it ended around 3. When he gets excited, it does seem to get worse (in other's space), however, my child is not "hyperactive."

On the other hand, I feel he may just have immature social skills. That he learns to articulate how he feels. He is a very good listener and is a fast learner, and since he hit 3.5 has been very easy to get along with. Sometimes I wonder if this teacher expects him and others to be more mature due to her working with 2nd graders for so long.

Like you, I always tell him to keep his hands in his lap- not his pockets. I can just see the next teacher yelling at him about keeping his hands in his pockets! He doesn't hit or hurt the others, just is always there in their space. Your thoughts?
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
My son has sensory integration disorder and had a problem with hands that didn't stay to themselves when he was four.  I'll be honest-------  I, as his educated and caring mother asked him to clasp his  hands together during circle time and to place them down in his lap and not move them.  (similar to placing them in pockets).  My goal was to make him aware of not touching others and to prevent him from doing so.  It did help.  I think when a teacher is observing our child vs. their peers and notices that they are standing out . . . we should heed what they are saying.  They are not necessarily right but have some credibility by the nature of their job.  They do have the opportunity to observe many children that are of the same age as well as same circumstances as I'm sure it is the first school experience for many of the kids and see where someone is catching their eye.  This has happened with your boy.  They may be off base with your son but they were not with mine.  Just keep your eye on it.  These are just the thoughts of a mom that has been there.  good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Not all schools and teachers are right for a 4 year old child. If the school is impacting your child's self esteem in a negative way, you really need to send him to another school or keep him home. If I was you, I would find a small school with a better ratio of kids to teacher than the current one.  I would interview the new teacher and see how she handles discipline.  If she seems to use time outs at school and try to manage the child's behavior, I would transfer your boy there. Otherwise, I would keep him at home and have him play with friends at the park or at your home on a regular basis. Maybe this current school is not right for him.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I totally agree with you- and I talk to him about what is and is not approperiate in school and take away privelages accordingly if I receive a bad report. Trust me- I'm on top of it on the home front. My major concerns are 1. It started up again mid-way through the year 2. His self esteem when the teacher tells him he has a big problem. I know he was put in a time-out (which I approve of) for these behaviors, but walking around with his hands in his pockets? Is that really effectively teaching him how to act approperiatley (i.e. use your words instead)? At home we ALWAYS reinforce using our words, and it works very well. I just don't understand why all of a sudden he forgets to do this again at school. Is there anything else I can do at home to supplement what should be corrected at school? I have tried to tell his teacher what works at home and she is very unresponsive.
Helpful - 0
242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Now I'm not suggesting that your son is not doing inapproparite things - he apparently is. I am saying, though, that the behavior is not likely to improve until the school manages the behavior more effectively than they have thus far.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you very much for the reassurance. The teacher approaches me with such dramatics and insists their is something wrong with my son. Like when she told me my son was punching another boy a day or so ago and my son had all ready told me he and his friend had gotten time outs for "fist pumping" playfully with on anther (kind of like high fives, but with the closed fist.) Unfourtantely because my son had an "off" day I was talked to and not the other child's parents. Thankfully my son is VERY open with me, and he tells me some of the things he had gotten in trouble for, and to me, does not seem like anything more than how a typical 3 or 4 year old boy would behave (esp. since this is his first school experience). However it is very discouraging knowing my son is told that he has a problem and that his teacher told me I have to talk to him about walking around with his hands in his pockets. 3 months left to go with this school- he IS NOT going there next year, hence it has been very stressful on the both of us!
Helpful - 0
242606 tn?1243782648
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
This sort of behavior is par-for-the-course in pre-school, and any decent pre-school program will be not only prepared, but expecting to deal with it. Sure, you will want to support the school and reinforce their messages about his keeping his hands to himself. But it is the school's job to teach him about this.
Helpful - 0

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