Almost 4 year old having trouble with going to bed

Posted by Ellen Johnson on July 27, 1999 at 10:31:14
My daughter, who is almost 4 years old, has recently begun resisting going to bed in her room at night. Up until this point, she always went to bed pretty well, although she wanted someone to lay with her for 5-10 minutes. Now, she says she's afraid and cries for 1/2 hr-45 minutes (at a minimum) and it is making bed time very trying. I don't know exactly what to do so that we can get past this stage. She always wants to fall asleep watching Barney or be in her older brother's room to sleep. I'm really concerned that she is not getting enough sleep because we have to get her up for daycare and she has been going to bed almost an hour later than her previous bedtime by the time we get past all the trauma.

Posted by HVM M.D. - EV on July 27, 1999 at 23:04:38
Dear Ms. Johnson,
    Thank you for your question about your daughter.  I can assure you that you are not alone when it comes to bedtime concerns. It is not unusual for an almost 4 year old to have fears at bedtime - particularly as they have such vivid imaginations.
     For starters - make sure that your daughter isn't exposed to scary programs on TV, movies, or stories that could all trigger her imagination.  Talk about her fears - recognize that her feelings are real - and then work together to restructure the bedtime hour.  I would suggest setting a timer for your bedtime routine - whatever you think is reasonable.  Perhaps 20-30 minutes should be enough for bedclothes and story time.  Then - when the timer goes off - it is time to go to bed.
     For that - I would start by sleeping with your daughter in/on her bed for 3-4 nights until she falls asleep.  Then - for the next 3-4 - I would suggest that you move to the floor and lie next to her bed, but not in or on it - again - until she falls asleep.  Then - for the next 3-4  - lie further away from her bed.  Slowly....  wean yourself from her bedroom in whatever interval seems appropriate to you.  Be firm with each change.  When you have finally weaned yourself from her room - stay close by.
     Reward her with stickers or some other small reward for her adjustment. Be consistent with your routine and each change.  You may hit a few bumps - but you will probably meet with success.  Let her sleep with a favorite toy - keep a night light on.  And always stay close by.
     Hope this helps.  Good luck --- Dr. EV