Anger Issues in 4 yr old

My daughter is 4 and an only child. She goes to school 4 days a week and goes to her grandmas once a week. She does very well in school. She was the happiest baby ever. She now has extreme anger issues. She will have a tantrum at least once a day where she yells, kicks, hits, bites and crys so bad she will make herself vomit. This lasts about 10 min to 40 mins a time. She has problems going to sleep she wants someone to sleep with her all the time. She doesn't go to bed until about 9:00pm and is up at 6:30am. I put her down for bed about 7:30-7:45pm but she will not fall asleep. I try to rock her or hold her but sometimes she just won't let me. I try time outs. I take toys away, I try to hug and kiss her to calm her down. Nothing I do works. She also has been saying latley that she doesn't want to be happy or do fun things. She just wants to be sad. What do I do? Is this a normal stage? I really want my happy child back.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

While tantrum behavior and reluctance to go to bed are not uncommon behavior problems in young children, the degree to which your daughter displays these behaviors is outside the norm. When tantrum behavior does not involve aggressive or destructive behavior, the tantrums should be ignored. However, when destructive behavior occurs as a component of the tantrum behavior, it is important to physically restrain the child until a state of calm is achieved. Relative to bedtime, the important goal is for your daughter to be in her bed. Sleep will come when it comes. So focus on having a structured bedtime routine, including a story and then about 10-15 minutes of quiet play on her bed after the story and before you turn her light off. Be sure to have a night light, and leave her door open if she wishes.

[April2]

Hi Beth, I'm not a doctor or anything but something in your post kind of struck me. You said your daughter said she didn't want to be happy or do fun things that she just wanted to be sad. Could it be possible that something has been going on outside of home like maybe at school? If she is being bullied by another child or being left out with playing with other kids it could be why she's acting out and feeling sad. Just a thought. My own daughter was bullied and treated badly in school. She also was molested. This is why I'm so sensitive to all of this anymore. I'd talk to the teacher and your daughter and see if there's any kind of issue going on a school or anywhere else. Like I said, it's just a thought. Just keep giving her lot's of hugs and kisses and show her how much she's loved!