Anger-Rage-Temper=FEAR

[upsetstepmom]

My husband and I have been married for 5 years together for 6 years. I have 4 step sons, ages 14, 13, 9, and 7, and a 2 year old of our own. The older 3 children reside with their Mom, my husband's ex-wife and we have full custody of the 7 year old from my husband's ex-girlfriend. I came into their lives when my 7 year old step son was only 1-1/2 years old. His Mom drank and smoked during her pregnancy. She continues to work in bar rooms, and has a chosen a profession that is in direct conflict with her sons schedule. She has had another child out of wed lock, a 2 year old daughter. One night she got drunk again and called us and gave up her son, at the same time, she called the Father of her daughter, at that time, the daughter was only 3 months old, and she gave her up too.  1 week after, she called as if nothing happened and said she had found a place to live in another town and was coming to get him, we responded with "over our dead body!' Anyway, the courts have awarded us full custody. During one of her visits, she took him to a bar room where she drank and shot pool with him, we went back to court and she was on restricted visits with no overnights. More recent, my step son was involved in a bathroom scene at his preschool that resulted in inappropriate touching of the private between he and another student. We called child protection, because my step son was told to write a letter of apology and put the name of the person who told him to play to nasty like that, to our surprise, it was his Mother's ex-boyfriend whom she has been broken up with now for 4 years. We went back to court and she was put on "supervised" visitation pending the result of a forensic PhD. The outcome was there is reason for concern and he recommends no contact by that ex boyfriend. She was given "restricted" visits again with no overnight. She had the Sunday before last and was allowed to pick him up at our home for Christmas Day, one of the other restrictions is No Alcohol! He came home and informed us Momma and her new boyfriend were both drinking beer, we have notified the lawyer. However, my 7 year step son has been diagnosed with ADHD in which he takes Adderal once a day extended release. He also does behavior modification therapy. On Christmas Eve, he had a temper tantrum and bit his arm repeatly so bad that he almost broke the skin, he threw his body onto the floor, into the wall, pushed his lap top tray on his desk so hard it flew out the other side and almost hit our 2 year old in the head! the tantrum went on for over 2 hours. His two older brothers went into his room and were trying to speak to him by telling him to just be quiet, he continued his trantrum. Finally, when he heard his Dad pull up, he stop as if nothing happened. This is not the first time. This child, when he wants to be, can be so loving and affectionate. Yet at other times, I fear him. He has spit in my face many times, kicked, punched, slapped, threw things at me. It appears he has problems with "women" in his life. He has done this to my Mother who minds he and my 2 year old  when we work late. He has had issues with the female teachers at school, none this severe, but nonetheless, not good. He has come a long way and we haven't had an outburst for almost 6 months. But when we do, it upsets the entire family. We live in the country and our old boys love to hunt and fish and were all given guns for Christmas, our 7 year old was given a red ryder bb gun but it is locked up in the gun case and he is only allowed to shoot with it with his Dad. He takes his toy guns and says things like, I just want to kill something. I just want to shoot something! He knows the rules of the guns, which are the same for the play toy guns, no aiming or shooting them at anyone, any animal or anything that does not belong to you. Yet, at times, he points it at our 2 year old and goes "bang"! or sometimes at me. I fear this child! Our 2 year old sleeps in our bed as a result of this and I am very concerned. My husband does not see the fit of rage or anger of this child. He is very smart and clever and never acts this way in front of my husband or when a Male is present in the household. However, my sister was here on Christmas Eve and so were his older brothers and they saw first hand and we video taped it for my husband, he refuses to watch the video after 5 seconds. This child continously bit the forearm of his right arm so bad he almost broke the skin, the bruises he sustained are unconceivable. I am concerned for this little boy that when he grows up, he will become one of the children that are slicers and mutilate themselves or he will become a criminal. I fear him for the rest of my family and I fear for his own safety.  I am very petite myself and while he is only 7 I fear the day he becomes taller than I and he hits me or worse. We have made an appointment for him in January 09 to proceed with behavior modicfication therapy. His Mother takes Wellbutrin and has in the past had several attempts of suicide and child alcoholism and has been committed. One court appointed evaluator reported she is border line personality disorder, manic depressive. I am not sure if her dysfunction is heredity, but I am concerned. We are all he has and cannot and will not give up on this child. It has been reported by other evaluators and counselors that the reason he acts out with women is due to the absentee parenting by his Mother. His behavior in school this year has gotten much better. He is an excellent reader and excels in vocabulary, reading and spelling most. The top reader in his class. I love this little boy with all my heart and I just want my little man back. I do not know or understand this behavior. I do know, I was told and did see a few times, when the child was 2, he use to have anger rages then and beat his head on the floor, so this anger thing with him has not gotten better and he has not grown out of it. The older he gets the worse he gets. Please, give us help and comments, we need all we can get!!!!!
An Upset Family in Turmoil


This discussion is related to 10 yr old boy with anger issues.

[Encephalomalcia]

When in reading this, it seems that he has control over his behavior.  If he were having mental problems, he would act this way around his dad also.  He is in control of his behavior.  This is good.  I think he has a problem with women and his mom not being there for him.  This puts you in a position where you have to be the best mom to him that you can be to make up for what his mom has not done for him.  Give him lots of attention and make sure that he knows how very proud you are of him for doing so well in school.  Get him involved in something that interests him, so he can concentrate on something positive that he is good at.  Does he likes sports?  Sing and laugh and try to make your home as happy as it can be.  It would not hurt to make him the center of attention for awhile to help build his self esteem.