Anger problems 5 year old

[NCOrentRN]

Hello, my husband and I are suddenly having a difficult time with our 5 year old son. Has always been a sweet child, sensitive, smart and never really had "terrible twos or threes". Has had "phases" of behavioral problems in the past, but always got over them and was never an ongoing issue. Since he turned five, he's intense and mean, and erupts uncontrolled anger, to someone saying "no" or telling him what he doesn't want to hear ( he plays quite well with other kids with generally no anger issues in that aspect). He hits/spits/scratches, and gets overly angry, etc when he is denied something. We do notice this behavior sometimes occurring with being tired, however, I don’t want to attribute it to just that. After taking away toys, removing favorite items, canceling fun events, for periods of time, he earns them back, then proceeds to behave again in that manner the next day or in the near future. He says he's sorry after the fact, seems sincere and recognizes the behavior is not acceptable, but does not seem to want to snap out of this. It's not just aimed at us as the parents, but teachers also. Under normal circumstances at home and school, he is well behaved and sweet as he usually is. This is all pretty relative to him not getting what he wants. We are starting to wonder and worry if this is more than just a temporary behavioral problem that could be leading to anger management problems as he gets older. We are really not sure what to do, maybe seek psychotherapy? We as parents can be firm and raise our voices at times to where we have to say we’re sorry, but there’s no major anger issues, physical, or verbal abuse going on between the parents either that he may witness.
Any suggestions that might help us?
Thank you.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

For a couple of months I would suggest you implement the systematic behavior management approach detailed in Lynn Clark's book SOS Help for Parents (see www.sosprograms.com). Take a look at our Archives under Behavior/Discipline as well. My guess is that you need only to refine your parenting tactics and you'll see improvement. If, after a reasonable time, you see no improvement then by all means arrange professional intervention.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

A couple of months with a systematic method of managing behavior should result in improvement.

[NCOrentRN]

I looked at the materials that you suggested and feel they are quite valuable. I understand the implementation of parenting tactics and our child's behavior change will not occur overnight, but how long it too long for seeing no improvement to where we might need to seek professional intervention?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

The play activity and his preference for play vs talking with guests is all perfectly normal for the age. I really do not see any cause for concern in those regards.

[NCOrentRN]

As far as the issues we had that were discussed above I believe them to be resolving. it has been over one month and he has gotten angry about some things, gone in a time out for not listening, but has not been aggressive like in the past. We have been using a lot of positive reinforcement (star charts, etc.) along with having read the articles from the SOS Help for Parents. He has also started a new summer camp school which he is enjoying quite well and they keep them busy. There are some 6-7 year olds in there which I think help balance the personalities. Before his day care was with all younger kids and there was a lot of not getting along due to immaturity, etc....
My next question is about his playing. He is so engaged with his toys over the past few weeks (you'd think he got all new stuff but it is not) it seems like he only wants to focus on them at home. He will play a game with us, do phonics (briefly), read books, or do some educational computer games too and he does like to go outside. Seems like he frequently wants our attention also. He is an only child. My husband is starting to wonder if his involvement in his toys is not normal (what really is normal for kids at each age?). He (husband) notices other kids just standing in line with their parents at the store or wherever, and here is our kid always touching something, moving his car around (or whatever toy he has on him), using his imagination, always wanting to have one of his toys with him, etc. and doesn't seem to sit still very well. His listening isn't that great either. When we recently had guests over, my husband thought our son should sit and converse with every one but instead does not want to as he wants to go into the other room to play and do "child" like activities. He attends day care/summer camp 4 days a week and socializes with other kids well. When he is at home all day with us, we do a little of structured activities, free play, tv, computer, etc, so his schedule is not just all "free" play. We try to mix it up.
Just wondering if this is all normal for a 5 year old boy? It seems like girls sit still, listen better, stand in line better, etc. than boys? Or am I just making excuses for my busy son?

[NCOrentRN]

Our five year old is so engaged with his toys it seems like he only wants to focus on them at home. He will play a game with us, read books, or do some educational computer games too and he does like to go outside. Seems like he frequently wants our attention also. He is an only child. My husband is starting to wonder if his involvement in his toys is not normal (what really is normal for kids at each age?). He (husband) notices other kids just standing in line with their parents at the store or wherever, and here is our kid always touching something, moving his car around (or whatever toy he has on him), using his imagination, always wanting to have one of his toys with him, etc. and doesn't seem to sit still very well. When we recently had guests over, my husband thought our son should sit and converse with every one but instead does not want to as he wants to go into the other room to play and do "child" like activities. He attends day care/summer camp 4 days a week and socializes with other kids well. When he is at home all day with us, we do a little of structured activities, free play, tv, computer, etc, so his schedule is not just all "free" play. We try to mix it up.
Just wondering if this is all normal for a 5 year old boy? It seems like girls sit still, listen better, stand in line better, etc. than boys? Or am I just making excuses for my busy son?