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Angry, very active 5 year old
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Angry, very active 5 year old

My husband and I are wondering if our 5 year old Kindergartner falls with in the normal range of behavior or whether we should seek help to nip a problem in the bud.

Since birth our son has been a highly energetic boy. Even at a few weeks he moved about his basinette. He experienced a pretty typical course of colicky behavior. While a happy smiley baby and child he was extremely active and quite aggressive toward other children-pushing and hitting. Participating in mother/ child groups was very unappealing because of his behavior toward the other children and high energy. His grandmother, a teacher expressed much concern about his behavior particularily his inability to get along with some children.

With age we have seen improvement and maturity beginning but we are concerned with his frequent outbursts of anger toward his friends and younger sibling, and even parents at times. He can be downright rude and has difficulty controlling his impulse to strike out. It is getting rare that he actually hits, he just screams at the slightest infraction and has great difficulty dealing with any frustration. We are wondering whether he mirrors our anger and frustration, whether we have for lack of a better term "spoiled" him, or this is his nature and with continued work he will improve. We are concerned that we may miss a window of opportunity. We don't know how or whether to seek help. What we should do or read first..... Please help.
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Dear Arlene,

The fact that you have witnessed some improvement with maturity is encouraging. But it is worrisome that, in spite of the limit-setting you do, your son continues to act in an aggressive manner.

You are wise to wonder is he is refelecting the influence of your own anger and frustration. It is a worthwhile question, though not one that I am able to answer in this context. Without doubt, the more we are able, as parents, to maintain our own equanimity in the face of our children's misbehavior, the greater the likelihood that our children will not learn to respond in an unreasonable way.

A helpful resource you might want to consult is Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child (Addison Wesley Publisher). He describes a number of 'types' of children, focusing mostly on fundamental temperaments and how to deal with them. You might also meet with a child mental health professional and discuss your son in some detail, with the goal of figuring out if his behavior is somewhere along the normal spectrum (though at an extreme end) or is a manifestation of an emotional disorder.
8 Comments
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Get help now before its too late ive suffered for 7 years with my son who has adhd and autistic tendances and possible epilepsy please dont wait any longer get him checked by a neorologist ,
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I can definitely relate - I am going through the same thing with my five year old boy.  There have been a lot of stressful times in his life since age two, such as us being military and moving a lot, a new baby brother, and a bad daycare situation, which we promptly removed him from.  I waited to go to a doctor, thinking that he would get better once we got settled.  But the older he gets, the more he resents authority, refusing to mind his father and I on the least little thing.  He is fine when things are going his way, but if you correct him, he gets so angry and frustrated.  Sometimes he gets violent, and kicks, hits, and shoves me.  He has hurt me a couple of times.  He tells his daddy that he wishes he'd go away, or that he doesn't like him, and he even told him he wished he'd go to heaven.  My husband was heartbroken because this is just over simple things, like bedtime, or asking him to clean up his toys.  

We are at our wits end.  I'm afraid he's going to hurt his little brother, me, or even himself because he cannot control himself.  He even got kicked out of a daycare center because they couldn't control him.  I'm worried because he starts kindergarten this August.  I don't want him labeled.  He deserves the same chances as normal kids.  My mom is a teacher and my brother is a doctor, and they both say he's got a problem. Yet, he is also a sweet and loving child, always giving us hugs and kisses and telling us he loves us.  We've never held back on affection, either.  All I know to do is to believe in him and trust that there is an answer out there somewhere...my thoughts are with you and all the other parents who are going through this...
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The problem that I'm having is with the children wanting control. I don't remember as a child, feeling that I needed to have control over anyone or anything,  and now having three children I can't figure it out. I felt like if I was nice to them then they'd be nice to me and each other but that simply does not work. I feel like they are walking all over me. Then when I've had enough, I get mad. I just want some peace. They seem so lazy, they are 3,4,and 5. They scream from upatairs for me to wipe them, or if they are in bed, to recover them up again and again. What can I do, my husband doesn't help much with disipline because spanking is his only answer, and I don't agree with that. So we too are making the problem worse by arguing about how to disipline. Please help.
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How do you cope with five kids and husband that is to harsh on disipline?Ifeel like I am constantly living in controversy and feel miserable in my marriage and my motherhood please help give your input on this matter.
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Hi everyone. I just wanted to add that I also have a 5year old that seems to fly off the handle. My husband and I constantly argue(usually while the conflict is happening) over what to do to solve the problem, he thinks I pamper her too much(she was always home with me until kindergarten) and that I give her her way too much. I think he is constantly yelling and she reacts to his agression.I have a 9 year old that is well behaved and had tantrums also and now is so sweet. I would like to know what is the actual cut off for tantrums agewise?Thanks
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Responding to Arlenes situation.  What ever happened to"spare the rod ,spoil the child?" Your answer is in the Bible
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hello everyone.  I totally understand where you all are coming from.  I have a 5 1/2 yr old and she' lashing out at the kids if they look at her wrong or if she messes up, and is internally frustrated.  I've had several discussions with her teacher, who basically said she needs to be counseled.  
My daughter is the only child and I am a single working mother, and a consider to have a wonderful mother/duaghter relationship.  YES she does have the "spoiled baby syndrom (syndrome)". She is full of energy,  even in the womb. I've been told she's very bright, and i should know, becuase we work on alot of things together.  I just don't want her behavior to hold her back from being better (in school) What can i do to improve her behavior?
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