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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Angry, very active 5 year old
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Angry, very active 5 year old
by ARLENE, Dec 04, 1999 12:00AM
My husband and I are wondering if our 5 year old Kindergartner falls with in the normal range of behavior or whether we should seek help to nip a problem in the bud.
Since birth our son has been a highly energetic boy. Even at a few weeks he moved about his basinette. He experienced a pretty typical course of colicky behavior. While a happy smiley baby and child he was extremely active and quite aggressive toward other children-pushing and hitting. Participating in mother/ child groups was very unappealing because of his behavior toward the other children and high energy. His grandmother, a teacher expressed much concern about his behavior particularily his inability to get along with some children.
With age we have seen improvement and maturity beginning but we are concerned with his frequent outbursts of anger toward his friends and younger sibling, and even parents at times. He can be downright rude and has difficulty controlling his impulse to strike out. It is getting rare that he actually hits, he just screams at the slightest infraction and has great difficulty dealing with any frustration. We are wondering whether he mirrors our anger and frustration, whether we have for lack of a better term "spoiled" him, or this is his nature and with continued work he will improve. We are concerned that we may miss a window of opportunity. We don't know how or whether to seek help. What we should do or read first..... Please help.
Since birth our son has been a highly energetic boy. Even at a few weeks he moved about his basinette. He experienced a pretty typical course of colicky behavior. While a happy smiley baby and child he was extremely active and quite aggressive toward other children-pushing and hitting. Participating in mother/ child groups was very unappealing because of his behavior toward the other children and high energy. His grandmother, a teacher expressed much concern about his behavior particularily his inability to get along with some children.
With age we have seen improvement and maturity beginning but we are concerned with his frequent outbursts of anger toward his friends and younger sibling, and even parents at times. He can be downright rude and has difficulty controlling his impulse to strike out. It is getting rare that he actually hits, he just screams at the slightest infraction and has great difficulty dealing with any frustration. We are wondering whether he mirrors our anger and frustration, whether we have for lack of a better term "spoiled" him, or this is his nature and with continued work he will improve. We are concerned that we may miss a window of opportunity. We don't know how or whether to seek help. What we should do or read first..... Please help.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 06, 1999 12:00AM
, Dec 06, 1999 12:00AM
Dear Arlene,
The fact that you have witnessed some improvement with maturity is encouraging. But it is worrisome that, in spite of the limit-setting you do, your son continues to act in an aggressive manner.
You are wise to wonder is he is refelecting the influence of your own anger and frustration. It is a worthwhile question, though not one that I am able to answer in this context. Without doubt, the more we are able, as parents, to maintain our own equanimity in the face of our children's misbehavior, the greater the likelihood that our children will not learn to respond in an unreasonable way.
A helpful resource you might want to consult is Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child (Addison Wesley Publisher). He describes a number of 'types' of children, focusing mostly on fundamental temperaments and how to deal with them. You might also meet with a child mental health professional and discuss your son in some detail, with the goal of figuring out if his behavior is somewhere along the normal spectrum (though at an extreme end) or is a manifestation of an emotional disorder.
The fact that you have witnessed some improvement with maturity is encouraging. But it is worrisome that, in spite of the limit-setting you do, your son continues to act in an aggressive manner.
You are wise to wonder is he is refelecting the influence of your own anger and frustration. It is a worthwhile question, though not one that I am able to answer in this context. Without doubt, the more we are able, as parents, to maintain our own equanimity in the face of our children's misbehavior, the greater the likelihood that our children will not learn to respond in an unreasonable way.
A helpful resource you might want to consult is Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child (Addison Wesley Publisher). He describes a number of 'types' of children, focusing mostly on fundamental temperaments and how to deal with them. You might also meet with a child mental health professional and discuss your son in some detail, with the goal of figuring out if his behavior is somewhere along the normal spectrum (though at an extreme end) or is a manifestation of an emotional disorder.
We are at our wits end. I'm afraid he's going to hurt his little brother, me, or even himself because he cannot control himself. He even got kicked out of a daycare center because they couldn't control him. I'm worried because he starts kindergarten this August. I don't want him labeled. He deserves the same chances as normal kids. My mom is a teacher and my brother is a doctor, and they both say he's got a problem. Yet, he is also a sweet and loving child, always giving us hugs and kisses and telling us he loves us. We've never held back on affection, either. All I know to do is to believe in him and trust that there is an answer out there somewhere...my thoughts are with you and all the other parents who are going through this...
My daughter is the only child and I am a single working mother, and a consider to have a wonderful mother/duaghter relationship. YES she does have the "spoiled baby syndrom (syndrome)". She is full of energy, even in the womb. I've been told she's very bright, and i should know, becuase we work on alot of things together. I just don't want her behavior to hold her back from being better (in school) What can i do to improve her behavior?