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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Angry 4 yr old boy
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Angry 4 yr old boy
by Katie, Dec 11, 1999 12:00AM
When my 4 yr old boy gets mad, because he doesn't get what he wants, he will threaten to kill himself. Like the other day he came into the room with a kitchen knife to his neck and said, "do you want me to kill myself." Or he will say, "you want me to go into the street and get hit by a car." He will even try to go into the street sometimes. He also will say I hate you, and I don't love you. I am not sure on how I should react to what he is doing. Please help.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Dec 13, 1999 12:00AM
, Dec 13, 1999 12:00AM
Dear Katie,
Your son's reaction to frustration of his wishes is unusual, not so much because of his anger, but because of the threats of killing himself. This is likely an attempt on his part to get what he wants (vs. an actual intent to hurt or kill himself).
Be sure you are not responding to these comments by capitulating to his demands. If you do defer to your son's wishes, you will be reinforcing the behavior.
Instead, talk with him at a time of calm about the unacceptability of his behavior. That is, comments about hurting himself aren't a reasonable response to having his wishes denied. In particular, you should prohibit his grabbing hold of any implement, such as a knife, and threatening self harm. Let him know that he can expect an automatic time out (in a chair) for such behavior. He needs you to set limits on this.
You might consider having him evaluated by a child behavioral health professional, to assess whether he is developing in a normal fashion for his age. His response to frustration will likely abate if you handle it as above, but an evaluation wouldn't hurt and would offer you guidance in managing him (even if he is developing OK).
Your son's reaction to frustration of his wishes is unusual, not so much because of his anger, but because of the threats of killing himself. This is likely an attempt on his part to get what he wants (vs. an actual intent to hurt or kill himself).
Be sure you are not responding to these comments by capitulating to his demands. If you do defer to your son's wishes, you will be reinforcing the behavior.
Instead, talk with him at a time of calm about the unacceptability of his behavior. That is, comments about hurting himself aren't a reasonable response to having his wishes denied. In particular, you should prohibit his grabbing hold of any implement, such as a knife, and threatening self harm. Let him know that he can expect an automatic time out (in a chair) for such behavior. He needs you to set limits on this.
You might consider having him evaluated by a child behavioral health professional, to assess whether he is developing in a normal fashion for his age. His response to frustration will likely abate if you handle it as above, but an evaluation wouldn't hurt and would offer you guidance in managing him (even if he is developing OK).
