Angry 5 year old

My 5 year old son seems to be so angry these days.  Whenever we ask him to do something or correct him on anything he instantly starts screaming at us, balls his fists up, and has often been known to actually hit, kick, pinch...etc. us.  I thought it was just a phase but it has only gotten worse over the past 6 months to a year and it is really worrying me.  He gets mad at his little brother and immediately hits, kicks, bites, scratches...you name it...and sometimes even grabs him by the throat and chokes him.  I don't know what to do.  We try to calmly stop him but he just ignores us until eventually we end up losing our temper too.  We know this isn't good for any of us and we are afraid he will really hurt someone or himself one day.  What can we do?  Will he out-grow this or does he need to see  someone for it.
He is also a very creative child, always coming up with "projects" that he wants to do that are above the capability of a 5 year old, even most adults for that matter.  Things such as cooking gourmet meals, building real laboratories, a working robot, his own house out of actual building materials.  We have tried to let him make "pretend" versions of these things but he is just not interested unless it's the real thing.  Could his behavior be a product of his pent up creativity?  If so, what can we do to help him release this energy in a positive way, in a manner suitable for a 5 year old?
I am a teacher and have seen many things but this tops the list.  I am out of ideas and at my breaking point.  PLEASE HELP!!

[Angelinthemorning]

I had a cousin that showed the same signs your son is.  He became very violent, pulling knives on his other siblings.  He was taken into school and tested on his intelligence.  This led to him being skipped ahead two grades in school.  While, this probably isn't an option for your son.  It does sound like he is getting bored and finding new exciting ways(although harmful) to express himself.  You say his creativity is far above a 5yr olds?? Then don't expect him to be happy with 5yr old activities.  Yes, it will take alot of adult supervision but, allow him to create what he's wanting. (Within reason) Even cooking a gourmet meal can be done by him with your help under close supervision.  
Start challenging him with new activities.  Don't assume b/c he's five he won't be able to understand them.  Just don't push, find ones he likes and encourage those.
Try taking him to a science museum and then find creative ways to use everyday stuff to make something he saw there that he really enjoyed.
If all else fails have his doctor refer you to a specialist dealing with children behavioral issues.
Hope I could help, best of luck.      

[helplessmommy]

Thank you for responding.  I understand what you are saying and have had pretty much the same thoughts and ideas.  I've thought of involving him in activities of interest to keep him busy so we could avoid the whole "anger out of boredom" issue.  The problem is, while he wants to do the activities and says he enjoys them, whenever he is either corrected, helped, or singled out for any reason he gets really shy and angry.  He tends to hide his face and/or "growl" and make faces at people when they ask him a question or to do something.  Then he often just shuts down and wont participate anymore.  It's proving to be a double-sided issue, and some days it's just a lose-lose situation.  Do you have any advice on that issue?  Thanks again!

[Angelinthemorning]

That is a tough one...It could be something as simple as he doesn't know how to express his feelings properly.  If you can, I definately think it would be worth a trip to see a child behaviorist.  Has there been any big changes in his life lately??  Started school, new sibling, there's a number of things I think we as parents don't even realize can throw our kids out of sync.  He may be more open to talking about it with someone else...
I would at least bring it up with his doctor.  Even if it turns out to be a "phase" it will definately help set your mind at ease.  Which will probably help him, as I'm sure you know, our kids feed off our own emotions alot!!

[helplessmommy]

He did start pre-k in August but this all started long before that, plus school is one of his favorite places to be right now....he loves it!!  Other than that there have been NO significant changes in our lives for the past almost 3 years.  I actually had hoped that putting him in school would help with this becuase I thought maybe he was tired of being home during the days and always having to be with his little brother.  Unfornately, while school has been wonderful for him, a place to get away from his brother and make his own friends, it has done nothing to help with the issue at home.
I guess I may talk to his doctor and see if he can suggest someone for us to talk to....just to make sure it's either a "phase" or to get help before it gets worse.

Thank you again!!

[april57]

my 5-year old acts that way time to time i have looked into the resons why she looses her cool kicks,hits,tells us no growls not vary attractive,a year ago she went through a sleep test for her tonsils they were cutting her breathing so her sleep  hardly nothing it woke her up all night she needed her tonsils out sense then i have looked into sleep and problems with children who have not enough sleep.my child had a big diffrence in her look into sleep apnea it causes a.d.d

[mc8]

My son is exactly the same. He is 4 1/2 yo. He is very smart but does not like to be taught. He gets very frustrated easily and yells very loud or hits. He specially gets frustrated with younger kids taking his stuff while he is using it, and other child's cross-boundary behaviors. He does get angry very easily with me too and is very methodical about little things.

I am reading a book that made me change -- and I have noticed a huge progress on him too. He is much less angry at home -- but still very angry at school with the younger kids (but he has some very good friends his age). Besides reading the book, I am taking him to a child therapist today. I will do whatever it takes to get him to develop better social skills. This has to be done now as his brain is still being formed and any thing causes a deep impression.

The book is "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child: The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior by Ph.D. Jeffrey Bernstein Ph.D.

I have also ordered the following books that were highly recommended to me:

Share and Take Turns (Learning to Get Along, Book 1)
by Cheri J. Meiners M.Ed.

Easy Activities for Building Social Skills: Dozens of Effective Classroom Strategies & Activities to Teach Cooperation and Communication, Manners and and Respect, Positive Behavior & More! by Nancy Jolson Leber

Words Are Not for Hurting (Ages 4-7) (Best Behavior Series)
by Elizabeth Verdick

How to Take the Grrrr Out of Anger (Laugh And Learn)
by Elizabeth Verdick

Hands Are Not for Hitting (Best Behavior) (Ages 4-7)
by Martine Agassi