Aa
Animal and Sibling Abuse
My 11 y/o stepson has a hx of ADHD since age 8. He is on two meds with one being for depression. His behavior over the years has been from one extreme to the next with violent outbursts of physical aggression to his older and younger brothers, his mom, myself and also to the pet cats. There are times when he is fine and a gentle and caring boy and something such as "wash your hand, time to eat" will turn into a momentus battle lasting an hour or more.
Over the past few years the wife and I have noticed his lack of good judgement and making good choices at school and at home. He enjoys tormenting, instagating, teasing, inflicting pain at times at his brothers and the family pets. He teases and steals from fellow students and then denies any participation in any acts, even when whitness by the teachers and my wife and I. He frequently steals food, money, old toys from when he was 4 y/o from his 4 y/o brother and other objects from school (money from the teachers desk).
He will plan out ambushes to scare pets, kick cats, trip his brothers or poke or have something to fall on them and hurt them. He then will rush to their rescue and try to help them or console them. He will often hide a toy, game, or some other property of his brothers and then help find them and then reap a reward or gratifiacation. In the oppiset manner he takes pleasure at making his older and younger brothers get mad and become annoyed with his anticks and at times their pain when he hurts them. When we correct the behavior he does not make any connection that it is wrong and that taking pleasure in another person's suffering is not right.
With the pets he will lure them in and lock them in his room. At times I have heard them meowing to find them locked in a dressor drawer. He often restrains the one against its will and we tell him to let the cat go and he wont. He will deny he is holding the pet or carrying the pet and will not let go of it until we have to pry the animal from him and then he chases after it or gets extremly mad and goes bezerk. He'll run to a couch and lay on his back with his legs up trying to kick you, which he has done to his mom and I. This is all because we asked him to put the cat down. We try and let him know that the cat needs to be able to come to him and it is not always right to pick the cat up and hold him. He gets very mad at this point and we have to send him to his room, sometimes he wont go and the wife and I will have to physically restrain him from hurting himself and others when he becomes combative. We did call the police on him once already due to his physical abuse to his mom and I and threats to do greater harm.
Both cats now growl at him and cower when he is at our home if he approaches them, though the one is more tolerable. His younger brother, my son, says he is mean to him and has mimmicked some of his bad behaviors. My son also says he makes him eat bugers he (my stepson) picks from his nose. All of these behaviors have my wife and I concerned, especially with the other antisocial problems and behaviors he is having at school. He is failing reading and struggling in several other subjects. The teacher says she spends most of her day addressing his issues and correcting his behaviors in class.
He is being tested for IQ and other learning problems. We are concerned for him and for our safety too. He has a history of starting fires in the house, shoving a knife in the wall outlet and shorting out the lights, running to get a knife to stab his older brother (he was not successful I stopped him) and other instances of aggression. He has been grounded repeatedly and given chances to earn back items or things of enjoyment, but all too often he does not care and will go out of his way to sneak candy, pop or watch TV and try to say we never said he was grounded. Of course this does not allow him to gain back things of pleasure or enjoyment (gameboy, etc.)
As part of a team of frustrated parents what other advise should my wife and I try to do. We are seriously trying consoling again, but his father is against it and will not allow it. Yes his father is in the picture and has custody of him and his older brother during the school year. His father has a hx of abusing him (5 counts) and neglect and his story is a classic example of the policy of child protection system failing him. We are trying very hard to help him and he does not want help at all, both with school work or in correcting his behaviors and being aware of his actions affect others around him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. We are worried about his malicious and calculating behaviors to execute acts of harm on his brothers and animals as well as his lack of empathy.
D
Over the past few years the wife and I have noticed his lack of good judgement and making good choices at school and at home. He enjoys tormenting, instagating, teasing, inflicting pain at times at his brothers and the family pets. He teases and steals from fellow students and then denies any participation in any acts, even when whitness by the teachers and my wife and I. He frequently steals food, money, old toys from when he was 4 y/o from his 4 y/o brother and other objects from school (money from the teachers desk).
He will plan out ambushes to scare pets, kick cats, trip his brothers or poke or have something to fall on them and hurt them. He then will rush to their rescue and try to help them or console them. He will often hide a toy, game, or some other property of his brothers and then help find them and then reap a reward or gratifiacation. In the oppiset manner he takes pleasure at making his older and younger brothers get mad and become annoyed with his anticks and at times their pain when he hurts them. When we correct the behavior he does not make any connection that it is wrong and that taking pleasure in another person's suffering is not right.
With the pets he will lure them in and lock them in his room. At times I have heard them meowing to find them locked in a dressor drawer. He often restrains the one against its will and we tell him to let the cat go and he wont. He will deny he is holding the pet or carrying the pet and will not let go of it until we have to pry the animal from him and then he chases after it or gets extremly mad and goes bezerk. He'll run to a couch and lay on his back with his legs up trying to kick you, which he has done to his mom and I. This is all because we asked him to put the cat down. We try and let him know that the cat needs to be able to come to him and it is not always right to pick the cat up and hold him. He gets very mad at this point and we have to send him to his room, sometimes he wont go and the wife and I will have to physically restrain him from hurting himself and others when he becomes combative. We did call the police on him once already due to his physical abuse to his mom and I and threats to do greater harm.
Both cats now growl at him and cower when he is at our home if he approaches them, though the one is more tolerable. His younger brother, my son, says he is mean to him and has mimmicked some of his bad behaviors. My son also says he makes him eat bugers he (my stepson) picks from his nose. All of these behaviors have my wife and I concerned, especially with the other antisocial problems and behaviors he is having at school. He is failing reading and struggling in several other subjects. The teacher says she spends most of her day addressing his issues and correcting his behaviors in class.
He is being tested for IQ and other learning problems. We are concerned for him and for our safety too. He has a history of starting fires in the house, shoving a knife in the wall outlet and shorting out the lights, running to get a knife to stab his older brother (he was not successful I stopped him) and other instances of aggression. He has been grounded repeatedly and given chances to earn back items or things of enjoyment, but all too often he does not care and will go out of his way to sneak candy, pop or watch TV and try to say we never said he was grounded. Of course this does not allow him to gain back things of pleasure or enjoyment (gameboy, etc.)
As part of a team of frustrated parents what other advise should my wife and I try to do. We are seriously trying consoling again, but his father is against it and will not allow it. Yes his father is in the picture and has custody of him and his older brother during the school year. His father has a hx of abusing him (5 counts) and neglect and his story is a classic example of the policy of child protection system failing him. We are trying very hard to help him and he does not want help at all, both with school work or in correcting his behaviors and being aware of his actions affect others around him.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. We are worried about his malicious and calculating behaviors to execute acts of harm on his brothers and animals as well as his lack of empathy.
D
If the biological father has 5 counts of physical abuse against the boy, then why has your wife not done everything within her power to obtain sole physical and legal custody? This would be a slam-dunk in most jurisdictions as long as the mother has no history of neglect or abuse of the boy. That is a curious question. Secondly, he needs the very best psychiatric treatment available - probably inpatient residential treatment. If he is a danger to himself or others, that is the legal requirement for involuntary psychiatric holds at most hospitals wherein further extensive evaluation can be conducted. Your stepson's behavior is very extreme, dangerous, and sociopathic. You need to get a good family law attorney, sue for sole custody, and then get some serious psychiatric treatment.
"Suing for sole custody will give the biological mother power to seek and follow-thru with treatment (residential treatment that requires the child to be out of the home). In addition, it is neglectful, at the very least, to allow one of your children to remain in the custody of someone who has repeatedly abused your child"
So when you have done all the right things, go to court, spend thousands of dollars in legal fees and all they do is make excuses for the systems mistakes and sorry, "your case kind of fell through the cracks." What else do you do? Kidnap? Then my wife and I are breaking the law and no, we have no criminal history, police record, or are doped up on drugs, craks, or any other chemical substance.
This simple fact of the matter is if you have connections with the government, and the money, and know the right people in the right places, you can get away with it, no matter how bad you are.
So when you have done all the right things, go to court, spend thousands of dollars in legal fees and all they do is make excuses for the systems mistakes and sorry, "your case kind of fell through the cracks." What else do you do? Kidnap? Then my wife and I are breaking the law and no, we have no criminal history, police record, or are doped up on drugs, craks, or any other chemical substance.
This simple fact of the matter is if you have connections with the government, and the money, and know the right people in the right places, you can get away with it, no matter how bad you are.
We have spent thousands of dollars in court and legal fees battling for custody for six years, in the end there was nothing to proove because the courts never followed up, the schools never reported the abuse in a timely manner as required by law, and when the father did not show up for court ordered parental training, he never went and the courts never did a thing, and yes my wife and I banged gongs, raised hell but to no avail. The system is broken. Did I mention he is a convicted felon too. Believe it or not it does not matter is this state, if out of anything.
All suspicious deaths are investigated, as required by law. Any facility that houses/treats minors is under the state's jurisdiction. When you try to assess the risk, one needs to consider the risk of failing to treat: risk of the child harming others, engaging in criminal behavior that results in destruction or theft of property, getting involved with drugs and gangs, and much more. Perhaps the biggest mistake that is made is the failure to exact swift and immediate consequences to young, budding sociopaths. Good military-like residential treatment facilities are designed to do just this. Good treatment programs emphase teaching these young males respect and deference to authority. And sometimes, when such treatment fails, imprisonment for criminal behavior is best to keep society safe.
I've looked into militay-like camps. It's frightening when you look at the number of deaths involved at these places. How do you know if it's safe?
I agree that finding appropriate psychiatric help is difficult - but not impossible. The state that I live in has a "Boys Ranch" that accepts boys with sociopathic behavior - there is a waiting list, but in the interim families have access to services thru juvenile services that provide intensive services for those that qualify. I always counsel parents that getting access to such services is much easier if done through juvenile court. This means that when the child aggresses against someone or commits any criminal act - charges must be brought against the child immediately. The parent or other must contact the police and follow thru with pressing charges. This is important from a treatment aspect as well. Look for residential programs that focus on intensive structure, discipline, and military-like environment. Look out of state. Contact the closest major university, social services, and juvenile services and start your search there. You may need to talk to many people before you find what you need.
Suing for sole custody will give the biological mother power to seek and follow-thru with treatment (residential treatment that requires the child to be out of the home). In addition, it is neglectful, at the very least, to allow one of your children to remain in the custody of someone who has repeatedly abused your child.
Nothing that I've said is impossible, just very difficult.
Accurate psychiatric diagnosis requires truthful input from parents, teachers, others, and a paper trail from juvenile court is very helpful.
Suing for sole custody will give the biological mother power to seek and follow-thru with treatment (residential treatment that requires the child to be out of the home). In addition, it is neglectful, at the very least, to allow one of your children to remain in the custody of someone who has repeatedly abused your child.
Nothing that I've said is impossible, just very difficult.
Accurate psychiatric diagnosis requires truthful input from parents, teachers, others, and a paper trail from juvenile court is very helpful.
suing for sole custody of a sociopathic juvenile will put everyone's lives at risk. The marrige will suffer, the children will suffer and possibly be put in harms way. Until he is diagnosed with a personality disorder, how can he be instituitionalized? They're treating him for ADHD and depression. How much further can they be off??
What psychiatric treatment is there? All the info I'm getting is there is nothing that can be done. We're looking for help in the mental health community in how we, as the family members, can now step back and stop expecting a normal life for our nephew and at least stop fighting with him to be "normal". When you start researching this behavior, and I think my nephew is sociopathic (we're using the word conduct disorder because of the stigma attached) there isn't any help out there, mostly because most sociopaths don't want and don't think they need help. They think it's everyone else thats crazy. I'm hoping there are psychiatrists that can at least help consul juveniles until they reach age 18, when the parents still have some influence. I'm hoping we can learn how to deal with him in a positive attitude, less expectations, and realize that he was probably born with this disorder. We dont have any abuse/chem dependancy, alcohal abuse, divorce etc in our family and since my nephew since early childhood has not even been able to have a babysitter watch him, there is not much chance he was abused when we were not present.
What psyschiatic help is out there?
What psyschiatic help is out there?
Also, on the website focusas.com under Behavior Problems look at the book: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision of the American Psychiatric Association Association, I'm not sure if this is for the layperson or not, but you'll get to know the abreviations DSM-IV-TR
I just printed out Dr. Hares brochure, again it's the website http:www.mhs.com/conners/CBRS/Conners_CBRS_Brochure.pdf
from Dr. Hares webite
I just printed out Dr. Hares brochure, again it's the website http:www.mhs.com/conners/CBRS/Conners_CBRS_Brochure.pdf
from Dr. Hares webite
Hi Mike, Sorry to hear what is going on. I am also looking for help my nephew. Here is a website I just found that might help you. I am getting ready to purchase this book called Hare Psychopathy Checklist: Youth Version
Available from Multi-Health Systems
From Dr Robert Hare who seems to be the best specialist. He lives in BC and his website is Hare.org
http://www.mhs.com/conners/CBRS/Conners_CBRS_Brochure.pdf
Seems like the best thing to do is take matters into your own hands. My nephew has been diagnosed with several things, we recently took him off all his medications and we saw no difference in his behavior. .You might want to investigate focusas.com and look at oppositional defiance disorder. conduct disorder, anti-social personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and how to deal with firestarting.
They won't diagnosis sociopathic or psychopathic behavior until age 18 (haven't been able to find out why) but you might want to look up info on that as well. Again I'm looking to purchase Dr. Hare's book.
I'm on this same website under "sociopathic 13 year old". Go to the Browse, Social Development section. Someone was helping me with info you might find helpful.
Good luck, I'm sorry your going thru this, I'm sorry I'm going thru this.
Available from Multi-Health Systems
From Dr Robert Hare who seems to be the best specialist. He lives in BC and his website is Hare.org
http://www.mhs.com/conners/CBRS/Conners_CBRS_Brochure.pdf
Seems like the best thing to do is take matters into your own hands. My nephew has been diagnosed with several things, we recently took him off all his medications and we saw no difference in his behavior. .You might want to investigate focusas.com and look at oppositional defiance disorder. conduct disorder, anti-social personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and how to deal with firestarting.
They won't diagnosis sociopathic or psychopathic behavior until age 18 (haven't been able to find out why) but you might want to look up info on that as well. Again I'm looking to purchase Dr. Hare's book.
I'm on this same website under "sociopathic 13 year old". Go to the Browse, Social Development section. Someone was helping me with info you might find helpful.
Good luck, I'm sorry your going thru this, I'm sorry I'm going thru this.
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