Another child Hitting Mine

[Faylew1012]

My daughter is 3 and has been in preschool for all of 4-5 days. Things have not been going smoothly, the teachers are all still very disorganized. Yet i wanted to ask if i should be as upset as i am that my child came home yesterday with a little bit of a swollen nose. As soon as i saw her i knew something was up. She looked very upset. She told us that a child had hit her in the face. The teacher told us she didnt know. But my daughter says that she cried, and that it really hurt. She is scared to go back to school. Should i be concerned that they didnt even know that my child cried, or was hit? There are about 8 kids in her class and a teacher with an aide.

[Faylew1012]

She goes Monday-Thursday. I am getting ready to volunteer. I am going to read them a book every once in a while for story time. Looks like we have the same ideas. My daughters teacher was able to get to the bottom of the situation for me. The girls bumped heads. My daughter doesn't fully understand the difference between doing something on accident and on purpose. Something we will be working on. Another teacher on the playground comforted her and then she was good as new until she got to me and daddy lol. So we let her know that accidents do happen while playing. That it wasn't done on purpose and she didn't mean to bump heads with her. After the help with the teachers and all of us making sure she understood. She is as good as new and itching to go to school this Monday. I am sooo relieved. Thank you so much for all of your advice and help. =D

[specialmom]

Sounds like you are on the right track.  I think staying positive when you meet them and express how you are so excited for her to go to school and want it to be a wonderful experience, etc. . . . and have a couple of positives to mention.  Then you can discuss the episode and other things that make you feel they may be neglectful (without using that word.)  

I'd offer to volunteer . . . it is fun and also a good way to get on a personal level with the teachers AND to see what is going on for yourself.  

Does she go every day?  

And remember, the director of the preschool is your step after the teacher.  They take parent response pretty seriously.  You are not tattletailing but trying to work through some issues.  So have the teacher meeting and see how that goes but if you are not satisfied, move to the director.  Preschool should be fun.  Not scary.  good luck

[Faylew1012]

Hey there, thanks for your response i really appreciate it. I have begun to deal with situation. I have let my daughter know that sometimes things like this happen and that if she is hurt by anyone again to approach her teacher and let her know. That if she is hit again to say "Please don't hit me, it really hurts, i don't like it." Now i do have to say that their outside play period is with the 2 or 3 other play classes but there is the same ratio of teachers to students there as well. Yes its a half day program and this is not the only issue i am having with them at the moment. My daughter is on a special diet so she has to bring her lunch to school and 2 days in a row she has eaten NOTHING. I feel as if they aren't taking very good care of her so far. But i have wrote a respectful letter letting them know that i understand there is only so much they can do. But when my child is in emotional upheaval for the rest of the day, (when she is usually a very bouncy happy little girl) then cries when i tell her she has to go back to school the next day i know that this reallly had a big impact. Me and my husband are going to call and arrange a meeting with the teacher. Not to get on to them, but we want to make sure they know we aren't going to miss when something upsets her. We plan on letting them know that this has made us very nervous about her being at the school. That we find it a little disturbing that nobody noticed my child crying. I want to have a good relationship with my childs teachers. I want to be involved. I hope i don't blow this.

[specialmom]

Yes, that is concerning.  Is this a half day preschool program?  With a teacher and aide and only 8 children---------  they should be aware of what is going on with the kids.  Typically preschools are pretty organized and time allotments for activities including one or two brief free play periods are pretty short.  They keep them moving.  While hitting does happen in preschool as it is a group of kids that are "learning" and often it is the first time these kids have been without mommy and in groups like that . .. so they need coaching on appropriate behavior.  That isn't going to happen if the teachers aren't even paying attention.  

Here is what I would do------ first, do NOT make a big deal out of this to your daughter.  Tell her she is fine and the kids are her friends.  The boy should not have done that and you'll talk to the teacher, but that she is fine fine fine.  Keep it really positive with her.  Do not let her know any of the other things you do to address it.  This is for two reasons--- so that she is not fearful and also . . . little children of her age then get it in their head that they will get attention by getting hurt.  Sounds crazy, right?  A good friend of mine has a daughter that says all kinds of things happen to her and often they don't really but she feeds off of the telling and attention it brings.  My friend feels like she should have taken care of business for any wrongs done to her daughter but not made a big deal out of it with her kid.  She's having trouble breaking her of the habit.

Okay, so the school.  I would call the teacher and tell her that you are concerned.  See what she says.  Your next step would be to talk to the preschool director.  That is their job but they typically like parents to first approach the teacher.  They should have plans in place for when things like this happen------- and they DO happen.  The little boy may have gotten carried away and lost it or honestly, he could have bumped her by accident and that got lost in translation.  But the teachers should see a crying child and help.
Ask them what your daughter should do if she is hurt.  

Then talk again to your daughter and tell her to tell her teacher if she gets hurt.  

Okay, I know it is hard when we entrust others with our precious little ones.  Hopefully this school will get their act together and things will go better.  good luck