Antics of a 2 1/2 year old

My 2 and a half year old son was recently suspended for one day of school (daycare) for bad behavior.  According to them, he constantly opened the door to his classroom and ran down the hall  laughing; on the playground, he pushed another child down, ran to the gate, opened it and ran out to the parking lot.  When they attempted to place him in timeout in the classroom, he threw a tantrum, kicked his cot, knocked over a chair or two, and even threw another childs lunch on the floor!  All in one day.  This was the first time I had ever been called on an incident like this.  He has his moments where he objects to authority and time-outs with me, but not like this..ever.  They (and I do) describe him and incredibly smart for his age.  He just does not like to be told what to do, at times.  I found out the same day that he had an ear infection in both ears...not sure if this had anything to do with it though. After his dismissal from school, I became very upset with the school officials, describing them as having no patience and no skill in dealing with a 2 1/2 year old...I was mad and I moved him to an in-home child care facility with a very patient mature lady. After 2 days, she has called me and now wants to have a conference with me and my husband about his 'behavior'.  She tells me not to worry, "he's a sweet and bright child", but would like to discuss some possible solutions for future antics/tantrums/disobedience.  It may be good to note that he also wiggles and squirms for over an hour before going to sleep at night, wakes up and crawls into our bed quite frequently through the night (we place him right back in his own bed each time), still not potty trained (he will not go on his own) and will scream occasionally when taken.

Do I need to worry about this?  Or is this something common that can be corrected eventually, without labelling him ADD/AAHD, whatever?  Is this a 2 1/2 year old thing?  Help, because he won't mind ANYBODY.  My apologies for being long-winded.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear R Burns,

To tackle the simplest part first, you needn't worry about the toilet training issue. He's young still, and patience over time is what is required.

You probably acted precipitously in removing him from his program, but that is now water over the dam. It may well be that he is not ready yet for out-of-home care. Without doubt the behavior you described in the program may well have been exacerbated by his ear infections, but it sounds like he can be a challenge even when he's healthy.

Meet with the daycare provider, see what she's observing, and decide on a systematic plan to manage such behavior. No doubt time out will need to be part of the plan. It's too early to know if he will ultimately be diagnosed with ADHD, but he clearly is demonstrating a childhood behavioral problem that needs to be managed in a structured, systematic way. You can take a look at some ideas about this by using the SEARCH function in this Forum and checking on replies to other questions about Behavior, Parenting, Time Out, Discipline.

[Pinkwheeler]

Are you certain you are not talking about my son?  Oh my goodness!  Mine will be 3 in November and has similar behavior issues.  I have recently read a wonderful book called "raising your spirited child".  As you said, your child is very bright and I see this in many bright young toddlers as their desires outweigh their ability.  I assure you that the ear infection played a considerable role in the day care dilemma.  I have a 16 month old son as well showing similar signs.  I just ordered a book called 1,2,3 magic discipline.  I will look forward to your reply from the Doc!!
Good Luck!!

[joanna hanna]

we have  sirmulare problem with our 31mo girl.  part of her problem is she has sensory integration disorder wich actually makes her hyper and causesa lack of attention.  if he delays in like language he mayu just get fustrated due to difficulty with communications.  if not he is probally very strong willed like my little girl be patient it is hard he will be fine

[Mayuri Kharwar]

I have exactly the same problem. I tried reverse psycology and it works 50% of the time. eg. If i dont want her to go close to the TV screen i tell her to go more close to it.