Anxiety at Daycare

[bhowell330]

My son is 27 months old. A few weeks ago he began in a classroom at daycare. He moved to the class by himself. The first couple days he did well. He had been out a few days visiitng family but returned to the new class. The dirt couplde days he behaved normally. When he returned he began crying a lot when I would drop him off. It was more so than we had seen with separation anxiety. He cried most of the day, refused to participate in any activities, wanted nothing to do with the teacher or kids, and would not eat or drink anything all day. He continues to cry throughout the day, calling for me. I allowed him to stay home one day because he had a cough. I thought he might have an ear infection so I took him to the doctor and founf that this was the case. He also has fluid in his ears again (he has had tubes 2 previous times which have fallen out again). The infection has cleared but the behavior continues. This appears much worse than what is typically seen at the daycare for normal transition. He has been in the room for a month now and he still refuses to participate or eat. I considered that the fluid in his ears may be at fault because he typically gets aggressive when this occurs. However, I don't know how to know what is normal behavior and what might be something more (like mistreatment). What do I do?

[margypops]

I agree with Helpless a trip around to the Daycare unanounced wont hurt

[Helpless_Mom]

I don't want to alarm you but don't totally disregard mistreatment. If you continue to take him to this daycare, try to drop in unannounced to see what is going on. I say this because I went through this with my daughter about the same age. Through some surprise visits and talking to some of the workers, I discovered my daughter was gated in one room most of the day. The workers would send the kids outside to play in fenced area but unsupervised and at lunch time they would ask who wants to eat, of course the kids wanted to play. My daughter would cry from being hungry, and afriad. There was no comfort there. After I addressed the issue with the workers, they said they don't make the kids do anything they don't want to. I was so upset I filed a complaint with the local Department of Human Services to find out this daycare had numerous complaints and mine was the final they were allowed and was closed. Not to worry you, but you know your child best check it out. I would consider finding other arrangements.

[margypops]

Does the daycare have plenty of activitys to take his mind off missing you a bit, find out what they do with the kids, are there plenty of distractions or are they leaving him to cry, Do they go out side to play , are they read to ,ask questions, they should be able to ease his misery a bit by keeping him busy.

[jdtm]

Could there be another solution?  

We understand if you are unable to stay home with your son - but you did not indicate this in your original posting.  Some parents put their children in daycare for social as well as cognitive reasons.  Do you have any relatives who could help as grandparents or aunts, etc.?  Are their any neighbours who take children into their homes for daycare?  It's as if this daycare is just too big or too overwhelming for your little guy.  Is there someone in your family or neighbourhood whom your son knows who could spend some time with him at his daycare?  Is there an older child with whom he might be able to bond and feel safe?

If none of these solutions are viable for you, then I expect your son will have to deal  with separation anxiety.  So, I would suggest you google the term "childhood anxiety" or "separation anxiety" or words similar to search for information re this issue.  Perhaps you can find some solutions or ideas which might be of help to your son's day caregivers.  Our child suffers from severe anxiety so I am aware of the problem, but there is no easy or quick solution - and most schools expect the parents to help them solve this issue.  By the way, whenever a child who suffers from anxiety returns to school after a holiday or long week-end or vacation, there is a period of re-adjustment.  I doubt if mistreatment is the issue here - the behaviours you mentioned as not participating, not eating, not drinking (is he able to urinate or poop at school?) are common to anxiety.  At least he is able to cry (some children are so severe in their anxiety they are unable to utter a sound), so I expect your son is not severe in his fears.  One more thing - does he show signs of frustration and/or tantrums when he returns to the safety of his home?  (this is a major sign of anxiety).    Please know we are on your side and really want to help you help your son.  Perhaps others on this board might have additional ideas.

[bhowell330]

I don't mean to be rude but don't you think if I could stay home with my child that I would? I want nothing more in life than to be home with him but I can't afford it. I can do away with internet, cable, phone and my car and still could not afford to stay home. Nevermind, thanks anyway.

[jdtm]

What you are seeing here are signs of anxiety.  Is there any reason your son is required to be in a daycare situation?  He is only two years old - much too young for most children to be absent from the home for such a long period of time.  Could there be another solution?

[althepal39]

Can you stay home with him?