Anxiety start of school

[chris1019]

Looking for a sound opinion on whether I and my husband are equipped to help our daughter adapt to school.  She started kindergarden full days this September and she is 5.  She is in French school and up to this point was taken care of in our home by my mother who speaks English.  I and my spouse are bilingual and have spoken to her in French and I have begun to daily since she started class.  We did preschool home schooling and talked about all aspects of school to prepare her.  Played at the playground as often as possible and visited school first week and she had a progressive half day start.  All seemed to go well.  She had questions and certainly had to get settled with the routine and each night we talked about her day what she liked, disliked.  We had one incident week 1 where the school put her on the wrong bus.  We talked about what scared her and how she need not be afraid the bus driver is our friend, you will not be let off unless your grandma or mom and dad are there to greet you.  She got over this bad experience in that she did not internalize it she did cry and talk to her for 3-4 nights.

My problem at week 3 she caught a few different viruses and had fever, intense caugh in short it was one symptom after another and she could not function we had to keep her home for a week.  Going back we knew it would be tough but not this bad.  She is displaying signs of anxiety she wakes at night and says she has to go to potty and does not have to go.  This has stopped and restarted to happen last 2 nights.  A week now she has been saying she does not like school and does not want to go back.  When she brings it up I ask her why and what scares her and we talk together about how we can help fix the problem or help her deal with it.  Things like sharing her locker, feeling anxious about finding her things on time for the bus at night and losing her things have come up.  Not the language issue yet.  When at home she plays as if she is at school and runs through her routine of the day.  I have spoken with the teacher a couple of times and even went with her 1st day this week to try out getting our stuff in the locker and showin her she does not need to rush or panic and it will unfold fine.  I basically try and get her to visualize what she is scared of and have her tell me how she thinks we can make it better - what will happen if you lose your lunch box sort of thing then I support her by saying if it happens that's ok.  Also I draw out the great stuff about her day, accomplishments, fun elements and talk about her friends in class.  

Am I doing enough or fooling myself that there is a serious medical condition that warrants a specialists help? I don't mind talking and being there for her even during the night.  Just want her to get rest and be ready to take on her day, you know? Also want to remove her fears and what's reasonable time for that to happen?  

Sorry for long explanation and if I am all over the place...trying to be clear :)

Thanks concerned Mommy....


This discussion is related to Anxiety/Fear over Kindergarten?.

[jdtm]

I suspect your child has mild anxiety, but I do not see any signs of an anxiety disorder.  I think you are doing well - you cannot "remove your child's fears" - she has to face them and each time she faces her fears (going to school), it will become less and less.  Of course, this may take weeks, months and in some cases, years.  In your daughter's case, I don't think it will take "years" as it did in our child's case.

Two suggestions - one is a communication notebook which the child takes to school each day and the teacher places information in it about issues at school, etc. and you write in it things you feel the teacher should know as your daughter had a restless night, etc.  (this works only if the child is unable to read).  The second suggestion wold be to have the teacher assign a "friend" or support staff person to assist your daughter when she feels that she needs someone for support.

There's lots of information on the internet re anxiety in children and googling phrases as "childhood anxiety" or "anxiety at school" or similar phrases should also net you more information.  Hope this helps ...

[chris1019]

Thanks hearing your advice really helps.  My daughter has a notebook that I will use to communicate with teacher.  We are now able to communicate via e-mail and have a meeting with teacher next Tuesday.  She seems very cooperative and concerned.  A buddy system could work too.  Thanks for listening and taking the time to help!

[margypops]

Could you be overreacting and making too much of it, and it is feeding into her concern, on reading your post I realise you are very caring but it seems too muchand too much talking about it  ,and this is causing more anxiety, take a step back dont feed into it, less words and let her forget the incident .