Any other mom's with teens out there?

I wish they had a forum just for parents of teens! I'm just so frustrated right now. And I feel so alone. Most of my friends either have little kids and can't relate or apparently they have perfect kids and still can't relate! I have a teenage daughter that just keeps challenging me over and over and I'm exhausted. Grounding doesn't seem to work too well, talking doesn't seem to work. She's not a bad kid, just doesn't seem to stop and think before jumping from one fire to the next! Everybody keeps telling me things will get better and just give it time, well I'm exhausted. This has been a very stressful year. I'm so tired. It's just one thing after another. I don't know what else to do.

[RockRose]

I have teens.  I have an 18 year old,  an almost 17 year old,  and a 13 year old.

It's hard as h e l l.    All three boys,  sweet boys and beloved.  Fairly good sets of friends.  Some doing well in school,  some doing well enough.  ;D


I used to think when they were toddlers and wouldn't sit at the restaurant table that was hard.  Or ear infections were hard.  Or recess personality problems was hard.  

Let me tell you,  those kind of problems are for WIMPS!   Finding beer cans on my back porch after we've all been on vacation (I know it must have been some acquaintances of theirs,  who else would come sit on my deck and drink),  smelling marijuana somewhere - don't know on who - in the room when there are kids I really don't know.  The list goes on.  It's HARD to stay on top of them all the time.  I feel like if we can keep their heads above water until they turn 25 or so,  we're home free.

How about you?  What's going on at your house?

[April2]

Sorry, venting again! Her school just called me to tell me she was getting an unexcused tardy for being late to 1st period today. There's no reason why she should have been late. Her father dropped her off 25 minutes early. The last time she was tardy, we found out she had walked down to the 7-11 down the street with her friends and was caught smoking. I told her she was not to leave school grounds since then. What do I have to do?? Take her to school and sit with her and follow her around all day?? She's 15 not 5! And I have a 3 year old so I can't exactly do that. I'm just frustrated right now. This is a nice charter school that has a waiting list. I don't want to see her blow her chance at this school, and they can kick her out. Now I know why I got more gray hairs this last year!

[RockRose]

Ugh,  tardies.  : (   Our high school allows 10 unexcused tardies each semester - so that kids won't speed to school,  or they can stay after in a class and get help,  etc.  Very generous policies with tardies.

My son has racked up 7,  and it's only the beginning of October!!  And it's not for stuff like staying after to talk to a teacher,  it's for walking to Starbucks before school or  . . . I don't know why.  

Does your daughter want to go to this school?  Would that be an incentive for her - the fear of being kicked out?

[laura1977]

I'll tell you what, April2 I am keeping your email address, and one day in the future say in 13 years when my 5 year old is 18, I will be getting in touch with you for help I am sure.  :)
I just have faith that your daughter will turn around, it may take her hitting rock bottom but from what you have told me, I think she will end up just fine.  
This is why I wanted little boys and not girls at first.  I am going to be worried to death when my girls become teenagers.  I can't even imagine what it is going to be like.  

[April2]

Yes! She loves this school and has already made several friends. They're a little stricter I think. I think they only get like 3 or 4 unexcused tardies, something like that. It's a charter school so they can kick the kids out.
I don't know. It's not just this or any one thing. It's everything! It just seems like she can't even give me one month of peace! It's been one thing after another. You already know the h e l l we've gone through this last year, I think. First we find out she's depressed (even suicidal at one point) and cutting, then she tells us she's been molested when she was younger, then I find out she's been sneaking out at night, then I find out a boy she thought she was in love with last year talked her into something she wasn't ready for yet and that really traumatized her for awhile. Then she goes back to cutting, then she gets caught smoking.(The weird thing is we were always so protective over our kids and always knew where they were and who they were with yet she was sneaking out her window at night! Talk about scary when I found out! She didn't seem to get it how dangerous that was! I think she's getting it now and hasn't snuck out of her room since last winter. At least I don't think she has.) Sometimes I wonder if she's bipolar or Add or something. I know she's been depressed but I didn't want to consider meds unless it was a last resort since I've heard they can actually be worse with teenagers.She really does seem to be doing al lot better for the most part.The counseling this last year helped a lot, I think. She really likes a boy right now in her new school who's a Christian and he's a good kid! He holds the door open, is polite and respectful and she's head over heals. At least this one's better than the last one she thought she was in love with! I'm hoping he can be a good influence on her. She's had such bad influences and bad experiences.
I gotta remember to trust God. He's gotten her this far.

[April2]

Laura, every kid's different. My daughter just happens to be very stubborn and strong willed and has to learn things the hard way. It just breaks my heart to see her struggle sometimes when she would have just listened to my or her fathers counsel she wouldn't have inflicted so much pain on herself and us.
It's not just girls (I think girls are just more mouthy!:). My son did some stuff too, I just wasn't as smart then to catch it at the time. Sometimes I wonder if ignorance really IS bliss! :) I found out a few years later that when he was sleeping over at his best friends house when he was about 15 that they were sneaking out of the house and taking the family car and going joy riding! Understand that neither boy had a liscense! If they had been pulled over (if they hadn't killed themselves or someone else yet), they could have been charged with stealing the car since they took it without permission! I'm sure he's done other stuff too that I just didn't find out about. With my daughter's case, I found out a lot because when she started cutting, I went through her room and her things. We also put a moniter on the computer. I'm not sorry I went through her things because that's how I found a suicide note and some very dark, sad pictures she had drawn. That's when we got her into counseling. She doesn't seem to get by with as much as her brother because she keeps getting caught! Like the smoking, my friend who was dropping her daughter off at school had seen my daughter with some other kids at the corner store smoking. She made them get into the car, drove them back to school and called to tell me what she had seen. This is what's so nice about us parents watching our kids! If we all watch out for each other's kids then they know they're being watched and might think twice before trying something!
My son was dating a girl who we found an email to him saying she had cut herself badly. My son, being a normal kid, was scared and didn't know what to do. I called this girl's parents at 11pm at night to tell them. Another time, my daughter came to me last year to tell me she was just on the phone with the guy she liked and he was talking suicide and she was scared. She came to me and I told her we would have to go to his parents and tell them. She was scared to do that but went with me. Both times the parents were clueless and I don't think even handled it very well but we did what we had to do. We all need to look out for each others kids.
Oh, and another thing. Really watch the MySpace thing. I made my daughter close her's down because I didn't like the way the kids were talking, and these were 13 and 14 year old girls! They were posing in sexy poses and everything! And then I sit there and think, do these parents have any idea what their kids are doing on the computer? My daughter didn't do anything bad but I made her shut it down because of the language and stuff from the others that were chatting with her. I think more parents need to get a clue and know what their kids are doing!