Any suggestions?

My girlfriends daughter is 9 years old but seems to have some kind of undiagnosed developmental disorder. Her symptoms include: bedwetting every night, and smells like urine during the day sometimes but seems not to notice or care about it, avoiding bowel movements to the point that her stomach becomes distented and there is feces on her underwear. Has poor motor skills, flexibility and balance ie cannot tie shoelaces, cannot ride a bike, has a slow waddling gait. Will rock her head from side to side when tired, has speech problems and does not have the average vocabulary and pronunciation of an 8 year old. Avoids showering, washing her face or brushing her hair. She is also very small for her age, has low self esteem. When scolded she seems to tune out. She is very intelligent and appears to be a normal child aside from all these abnormal things. I would like to get her tested but I wouldnt know where to begin. Mild autism perhaps? I could really use some advice if anyone has had similar problems with their children.

[RockRose]

Start with low muscle tone,  and sensory integration disorder.  

With all her difficulties,  it's no wonder she has low self-esteem.  She really sounds like she faces a lot of challenges,  just keeping up with school expectations.

[BBurgess]

Yeah school is pretty tough for her. They want to hold her back because she isnt keeping up with her peers. I have read a little bit about sensory integration disorder but I need to look further into it. With all of the abnormal behaviors she has, its kind of hard to really pinpoint whats going on. It could be so many things. I just really want to get her diagnosed so we can treat her. She is playing just fine right beside me like a normal kid as I type this and Im just really perplexed as to what could be going on.

[specialmom]

My son has sensory integration disorder.  There is a spectrum to sensory integration disorder and this young lady sounds like she may fall within.  An occupational therapist diagnosis it and can do wonders.  You can look them up in the phone book and call asking if they specialize in sensory.  Many insurances cover it.  Motor planning can make fine and gross motor actitivities difficult.  Kids with sensory will often avoid things that challenge them.  Really every thing you list could be sensory related.  I do not know if she has it, obviously-------  but after occupational therapy, my son is doing extremely well.  good luck