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Anyone had a similar problem with their 7yr old Boy?
Just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience with their son, nephew etc.
My boy just turned 7 and has had a closer to unique life than most others that come from a split family.
He was 8 months when his mother moved away. For the next 1 1/2 years I raised him and his sister, who had jsut turned 5 at the time, by myself. Since that time I have been the primary caregiver and they spend the summers with their mom. Needless to say, he has had trust issues with women. Even with my current wife the first couple of years after we were together.
Another issue he's had to contend with is the fact that from the time he was born until my recent retirement from the military, I was gone almost 2 years total of his first 6 years. That caused behavior issues at school and at home the last two years.
The current situation, is beginning to get out of hand again. He started off the school year great. But after the first month of school, he's begun to sink back into that cycle of getting to the brink of serious trouble at school (the point where they call the parent), lying about his behavior and anything else he doesn't want to do, and crying at the drop of a hat for tiny reasons that he had been able to handle since I returned from my last trip.
His current behavior began about the same time I told him I had to take another short 10 trip.
I know what the probable trigger is for his behavior. My question is has anyone else gone through something similar and how did you handle it? I've tried talking and spending extra time but that makes small differences at home but doesn't seem to change his behavior at school.
My boy just turned 7 and has had a closer to unique life than most others that come from a split family.
He was 8 months when his mother moved away. For the next 1 1/2 years I raised him and his sister, who had jsut turned 5 at the time, by myself. Since that time I have been the primary caregiver and they spend the summers with their mom. Needless to say, he has had trust issues with women. Even with my current wife the first couple of years after we were together.
Another issue he's had to contend with is the fact that from the time he was born until my recent retirement from the military, I was gone almost 2 years total of his first 6 years. That caused behavior issues at school and at home the last two years.
The current situation, is beginning to get out of hand again. He started off the school year great. But after the first month of school, he's begun to sink back into that cycle of getting to the brink of serious trouble at school (the point where they call the parent), lying about his behavior and anything else he doesn't want to do, and crying at the drop of a hat for tiny reasons that he had been able to handle since I returned from my last trip.
His current behavior began about the same time I told him I had to take another short 10 trip.
I know what the probable trigger is for his behavior. My question is has anyone else gone through something similar and how did you handle it? I've tried talking and spending extra time but that makes small differences at home but doesn't seem to change his behavior at school.
COMMUNITY LEADER
If your son just turned 7 and is in 2nd grade, then he is extremely young for that grade level and may well be the youngest in his class. That would explain at least part of what is going on.
The other thing is that most of the issues seem to be school related. Its very difficult at his age to fix this at home. Its not only the schools responsibility, but educationally, the only way to fix it (assuming its just behavioral). He is at a new school this year. The teacher doesn't have the luxury of going back to his old teacher and talking about him. That is a huge disadvantage. Its one that you need to compensate for. You need to get in and talk with his teacher. Explain what life has been like for him. Talk about last year too. If the teacher starts taking a personal interest in him (which has a better chance of happening if you are showing a personal interest in him and his schooling), things will start changing. Basically right now both your son and his teacher are testing the situation. Its uncharted waters for both of them. Someone has to help navigate.
I would also recommend trying to get him involved with some of his school mates after school or on the weekends. Sounds like he could use some friends. Hope this helps.
The other thing is that most of the issues seem to be school related. Its very difficult at his age to fix this at home. Its not only the schools responsibility, but educationally, the only way to fix it (assuming its just behavioral). He is at a new school this year. The teacher doesn't have the luxury of going back to his old teacher and talking about him. That is a huge disadvantage. Its one that you need to compensate for. You need to get in and talk with his teacher. Explain what life has been like for him. Talk about last year too. If the teacher starts taking a personal interest in him (which has a better chance of happening if you are showing a personal interest in him and his schooling), things will start changing. Basically right now both your son and his teacher are testing the situation. Its uncharted waters for both of them. Someone has to help navigate.
I would also recommend trying to get him involved with some of his school mates after school or on the weekends. Sounds like he could use some friends. Hope this helps.
Thanks for your time. Funny that you mentioned the choices alternatives.
I just read this today, Monday but had been reading some about the "Total Transformation" program which uses a lot of those strategies, and we had fewer losses of control this weekend, to include no school trouble Friday.
I just read this today, Monday but had been reading some about the "Total Transformation" program which uses a lot of those strategies, and we had fewer losses of control this weekend, to include no school trouble Friday.
Yep, my kid too. He's above average in all academic areas and smart as a whip. Sensory has nothing to do with intelligence.
I'm glad your son does so well academically! That is good news. It is always a relief to me as that is one thing I've not had to worry about.
Also, I'm glad that he doesn't have sensory. I don't know if then he has add/adhd or if he is just developmentally immature. Impulse control gets much better at age 6 and why add/adhd is often not diagnosed until after that time. Last year, were they suggesting an evaluation for add/adhd? I know you did the questionaire-------- who suggested you do it? How did the professional performing the evaluation feel he did?
Some things that help an overactive nervous system whether it is sensory, add/adhd or just all boy----------- lots of physical excercise. Sign him up for swim lessons. Take him to the park every day and let him run, jump, climb, etc. Take him hiking or bike riding. kicking a soccer ball, hitting a base ball, tumbling are all good. Karate is good as well and they work directly on self control. All of these activities slow down the nervous system and help a child sit and focus when needed.
I'm going to recommend a book called "love and logic" by Charles and Jim Fay. They'd recommend that if a child is to sit in their seat and wait to be called to the bus------- that it would be planned ahead of times with the parents but that the school then wouldn't get his attention away from the smart board and let him miss the bus. And he'd have to go through the emotions of that. And THEN he'd have to give you 5 dollars for your time in picking him up. It might make him think about staying in his seat as asked next time. See? Or he touches the smart board when he isn't allowed-------- teacher does a program where she picks people to work on it---------- he loses his turn. It is about not getting mad at the child but letting the consequences teach him the lesson. Our school actually is really big on the "love and logic" program and use it as a platform in the school. It's the idea behind natural consequences. I use it often with my two boys.
Choices, give your son choices whenever possible. Gives him some control and he may comply.
Do any of these ideas sound like they would help?
I'm glad your son does so well academically! That is good news. It is always a relief to me as that is one thing I've not had to worry about.
Also, I'm glad that he doesn't have sensory. I don't know if then he has add/adhd or if he is just developmentally immature. Impulse control gets much better at age 6 and why add/adhd is often not diagnosed until after that time. Last year, were they suggesting an evaluation for add/adhd? I know you did the questionaire-------- who suggested you do it? How did the professional performing the evaluation feel he did?
Some things that help an overactive nervous system whether it is sensory, add/adhd or just all boy----------- lots of physical excercise. Sign him up for swim lessons. Take him to the park every day and let him run, jump, climb, etc. Take him hiking or bike riding. kicking a soccer ball, hitting a base ball, tumbling are all good. Karate is good as well and they work directly on self control. All of these activities slow down the nervous system and help a child sit and focus when needed.
I'm going to recommend a book called "love and logic" by Charles and Jim Fay. They'd recommend that if a child is to sit in their seat and wait to be called to the bus------- that it would be planned ahead of times with the parents but that the school then wouldn't get his attention away from the smart board and let him miss the bus. And he'd have to go through the emotions of that. And THEN he'd have to give you 5 dollars for your time in picking him up. It might make him think about staying in his seat as asked next time. See? Or he touches the smart board when he isn't allowed-------- teacher does a program where she picks people to work on it---------- he loses his turn. It is about not getting mad at the child but letting the consequences teach him the lesson. Our school actually is really big on the "love and logic" program and use it as a platform in the school. It's the idea behind natural consequences. I use it often with my two boys.
Choices, give your son choices whenever possible. Gives him some control and he may comply.
Do any of these ideas sound like they would help?
Only a couple of the symptons listed relate to anything he shows, easily distracted, and lacking in self-control (recently).
He is very smart, has been reading since the summer before kindergarten, and has picked up all his subjects this year really quick, gets 100s when he stays focused on his test, which is quite often, and he is actually starting to learn cursive to stay up with his 3d grade step brother.
He is very smart, has been reading since the summer before kindergarten, and has picked up all his subjects this year really quick, gets 100s when he stays focused on his test, which is quite often, and he is actually starting to learn cursive to stay up with his 3d grade step brother.
Yes. I'm going to ask you to google something to see what you think------- sensory integration disorder. Some of what you say rings a bell for me and my son has sensory integration disorder. It involves the nervous system like add/adhd but is a bit different. Symptoms can look very similar. Sensory is treated by occupational therapy and behavior modification.
My son can be overly emotional and has a difficult time self soothing-------- this is part of sensory called modulation/regulation. He also needs to move to stay focused. Wandering is a sign of disorganization in the brain's processing center. Etc. Social skills and peer issues are also common with sensory and we have worked on them.
Does your son have any issues with fine motor skills such as hand writing?
I may be way off base but google it and see what you think. If it matches, I have lots of ideas to help as we have worked hard with our son. If it doesn't match, we'll think of other routes to take.
My son can be overly emotional and has a difficult time self soothing-------- this is part of sensory called modulation/regulation. He also needs to move to stay focused. Wandering is a sign of disorganization in the brain's processing center. Etc. Social skills and peer issues are also common with sensory and we have worked on them.
Does your son have any issues with fine motor skills such as hand writing?
I may be way off base but google it and see what you think. If it matches, I have lots of ideas to help as we have worked hard with our son. If it doesn't match, we'll think of other routes to take.
Sorry bout that.
His issues at school read similar to checklists for ADD, but is more of him testing limits.
He gets up a lot from his desk during instruction time to sharpen pencils (which they are allowed to do but he does it several times) or he jsut wanders around when his teacher turns her back. He takes stuff that isn't his and will continue to stick to his lies even when the item is found in his stuff. At then end of the day after his teacher has got everyone packed up to go home, they are suppose to sit at their desks until their bus is called. His bus is always one of the last so he takes it upon himself to start playing with the Smartboard. (He's very much into learning technology). And he is no longer interested in completing assignments during class and needs to be "refocused" frequently.
On a personal level, he started pulling himself away from social situations during recess and other freetime making it that much harder to make new friends. I think I forgot to mention he's at a new school this year.
So far he hasn't taken to his bullying tactics he pulled last year while I was deployed.
We did an ADD/ADHD survey with the school and though a lot of his behaviors are similar to those in the survey, he doesn't even come close to meeting the criteria in the surveys. At home his only real issue is the sudden lack of emotional control if he doesn't get his way. He tries to lie to me but I already know how to break through his lies. Once he knows he won't win, the the truth comes out. He rarely challenges me on homework, and in fact will usually do extra on his own initiative. He has a normal (at least I consider it normal) brother/sister relationship with his sister and two step brothers with the typical sybling rivalries and supports.
Does this help?
His issues at school read similar to checklists for ADD, but is more of him testing limits.
He gets up a lot from his desk during instruction time to sharpen pencils (which they are allowed to do but he does it several times) or he jsut wanders around when his teacher turns her back. He takes stuff that isn't his and will continue to stick to his lies even when the item is found in his stuff. At then end of the day after his teacher has got everyone packed up to go home, they are suppose to sit at their desks until their bus is called. His bus is always one of the last so he takes it upon himself to start playing with the Smartboard. (He's very much into learning technology). And he is no longer interested in completing assignments during class and needs to be "refocused" frequently.
On a personal level, he started pulling himself away from social situations during recess and other freetime making it that much harder to make new friends. I think I forgot to mention he's at a new school this year.
So far he hasn't taken to his bullying tactics he pulled last year while I was deployed.
We did an ADD/ADHD survey with the school and though a lot of his behaviors are similar to those in the survey, he doesn't even come close to meeting the criteria in the surveys. At home his only real issue is the sudden lack of emotional control if he doesn't get his way. He tries to lie to me but I already know how to break through his lies. Once he knows he won't win, the the truth comes out. He rarely challenges me on homework, and in fact will usually do extra on his own initiative. He has a normal (at least I consider it normal) brother/sister relationship with his sister and two step brothers with the typical sybling rivalries and supports.
Does this help?
It would help us out to know what exactly he is getting in trouble for at school. I understand that he has had a lot of instability (not purposely but just do to the nature of his mother not being there and your coming and going due to the military)------- which may be the overall trigger but what is exactly happening at school. We'll go from there after you answer back . . .
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