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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
Appropriate parenting arrangement for 2 § 5 year old girls
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
Appropriate parenting arrangement for 2 § 5 year old girls
by j&esmom, Nov 03, 2004 12:00AM
I am concerned about the effects of co-parenting (50/50) on my two young girls. My husband and I are currently in mediation discussing co-parenting options and all of the 50/50 solutions discussed have the children moving from one house to another during the school week. I believe this is distruptive to their schedules and the youngest is starting to develop sleeping problems (won't go to bed, waking at night etc.)The girls'father is a good parent and I believe strongly he should see them as much as possible. I want to be fair with him however the children need stability. I am trying to get him to understand the situation but...What are the possible negative effects on the children's development and well-being if they do not see their father 50% of the time? The children's father lives close by. I also believe the girls need their mother primarily especially as they grow older. What kind of signs of stress should I be on the look out for?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Nov 03, 2004 12:00AM
, Nov 03, 2004 12:00AM
Generalizations about the relative merits of contact with mother vs father are risky, so I won't address that matter. The most crucial point I can make to you is that 50/50 shared custody arrangements are not beneficial for young (i.e., pre-school age and school age) children. No matter how they are structured, such arrangements entail too many transitions. I unequivocally recommend to parents that they establish a principle home for the child(ren), even if that means that one of the parents will surender some amount of contact with the children. When children are older (i.e., in their teens), if they are willing and positive, shared arrangements of the 50/50 variety can be fine. A sound rule of thumb is that children go to sleep and wake up in the same bed throughout the school week. You won't be making a mistake if you settle on such an arrangement. Disorganized behavior, labile emotions, temper dyscontrol, changes in eating and sleeping, increased oppositionalism, academic and behavioral difficulties in school all can be indicative of stress within the family.
