Are the "magic years" between 7 and 9 ??

I am seeing a few postings here, about problems with behavior in kids aged 7 to 9. I am wondering if these are the "magic years" or something- why is it that they start acting out?? I don't get it. I have a 9 yr old who does nothing but argue and fight me each day. I could say the sky is blue, he will say no it's not, it is grey. Or whatever.
I ask him to pitch in with chores and he fights me. I ask him to do anything. ANYTHING! Even his homework! And he fights me. I am a mean mother. He wishes I did not exist. He hates me.

His Dad is deployed right now. I would love to tell you that this has happened since Dad left last November, but, unfortunately, that is not the case. He is destructive, and will go after his brothers to hurt them if they are near by.
No matter what I say, he fights me. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so exhausted. I am by myself with 3 kids. There isnt a day that goes by when I don't fight with one of my little ones. I did read in another posting, that we teach our children how to treat us. Maybe I have taught them this. I don't know. I can tell you this: I absolutely hate it, I have been through hell these past few years, losing my father suddenly, then helping my mom, and caring for her until she died. I watched her die from lung cancer. I am juggling so many things, now my husband's in Korea for a year, and there's nothing I can do about that. Now I have my kids to deal with, and 2 out of 3 of my boys treat me like dog poop.  So how can I turn this around, and repair any damages done? How do I start? Are there books I should read? I dont understand what has happened, and why I struggle so much. I just need some help. My husband is not due home until November. I might be dead from exhaustion by then.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Books are not where to turn right now. You are overwhelmed and need both emotional support and guidance. The best help you can get for yourself (and therefore for your children) is to seek professional assistance from a mental health or behavioral health professional. For the most part, the ages from 7 to 9 are not typically difficult years from a behavioral point of view because children are so engaged with activities with their peers and mastering various interests. That is not to say that children in these years can't be difficult - you know they can. I'm just saying it's not to be expected.