Attachment

Hello!

I have dedicated myself to Early Learning.  I am educated and have a solid understanding of typical child development, and I think that is why I am concerned with my 16 month old daughter’s behavior.  I know that some degree of “parent preference” is normal, but Eva’s seems extreme.  My husband and I spend equal one-on-one time with her, as well as lots of family time, but she seems overly obsessed with him.  If he leaves the room she will begin to cry, and I will put my arms out and say something like, “daddy will be back, mommy can hold you.”  This seems to enrage her and she will throw herself to the ground screaming.  If she gets hurt, she will have a complete melt down if I try to pick her up or sooth her.  Again, she only wants daddy.  Oddly enough, she is also obsessive with her grandpa (my step father) but wants nothing to do with my mom.  I have to pry her out of grandpa’s arms to go home and then she cries the whole drive.  She and I have a lot of fun when it is just her and I, but she doesn’t even want me to talk to her when daddy is around.  I know she loves me, but I am concerned that this behavior is too extreme.  If it is, I am unsure of what I should do.  Besides this, she is very typical in her emotional, social, cognitive and physical development.  I can’t help but think this is getting out of hand.  

Thank you!
Kari

[Agiesmom]

Are you her primary caregiver?  Or do you work?  I have found that kids are usually attached to those who spend the most time with them and care for their needs.  That person usually knows what the child needs to comfort him/her.  If you are all spending an equal amount of time with her, I'm guessing you both work full-time.  Maybe the men in the family have more of a calming effect on her.  Maybe they have a comforting, matter-of-fact way (or whatever) that she responds to better and therefore seeks them?

I don't know that it's something to worry about.  Attachment is a normal part of development (as I'm sure you know).  I would be very careful not to try to break her of this or try to make her not be attached by depriving her time with those to whom she is most attached.  By allowing her to get what she obviously needs now, I think you will help to instill confidence and independence later.