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Attitude in an 8 year old
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Attitude in an 8 year old

My 8 year old has at times been defyiant (sp?) towards me and is constantly questioning my parenting ability torwards her brother who is younger.  For example, this morning I gave my son some juice and she said with an attitude, "you've already given him juice, don't give him anymore".  I told her that I am the mommy and I'll decide how much juice to serve.  To which she replied, (huffy) "well, I guess you don't care that the juice has 26 grams of sugar..."

That's just a minor example.  She is CONSTANTLY sassy towards me and at times doesn't respect me or my parenting. So my question is, how do I change that behavior?  I have tried removing privelages, ignoring, time outs, and those have worked for the short term but I'm just wondering how to make a perminate change in her attitude and behavior.  

This morning I asked her to get in the bath and she wasn't getting out of the chair so I repeated my self and she just looked at me.  I then said, "NOW!" and she got up and said, "Can you see I'm on my way?!"  This is what I'm up against on a daily basis!  It really wears on my nerves to no end.  I would love suggestions on what I can say to her to change her attitude.  We are Christian parents and I pray daily that I can be a good mother but in this area I feel I've failed miserably.

HELP!

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You have tried some sensible things, but you'll need to adopt a systematic approach that provides you and your daughter with certainty about how incidents of non-compliance will be handled. There's no universal prescription about how to do this, but you will find an excellent plan in the book SOS: Help for Parents. It is one of the most useful, practical guides available about how parents can manage typical childhood behavior problems. You might also consider getting some help with this issue by conferring with a behavioral health or mental health professional in your area.
12 Comments
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Avatar_n_tn
In other words, we have to live with these B's and try all those methods that don't work.  Talking to a 8 or 9 yr old little girl who has the attitude of a 25 yr old DOESN'T WORK.  As far as I know beating them hasn't been allowed for the last 20 years...so pulling your hair out is next.  I'm about ready to give up the counseling and go back to beating her ***!  YOU try spending a weekend with one of these little girls and see if you don't want to beat the shi* out of them.   Is there some agency that take these children back?  I'd really like to know.  (LOL...Just kidding.   We should exchange telephone numbers.  Our daughters should be locked in a room together to let them fight out who is boss.
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Avatar_n_tn
How sweet...
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Avatar_n_tn
sounds like she's entering adolecense. Talk to her peditrition on what to do, they'll give you the best suggustions. You might also want to try correcting her when she's wrong. Like the juice thing. I think the sugar she refered to was fruitose, so you can just mention that to her. Be sure to do it in a non-jugmental way.
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Avatar_n_tn
WOW...I must say I'm surprised. An 8 year old???? This is what i would expect from a teenager but she is to young to be sassy like that. I believe in the phrase "You teach people how to treat you" including your children. I think it's time to put your foot down. It's not only what she is saying but more importantly how she says it to you. Get a back bone.... You are the mother and deserve the respect due. Send her to her room until she learns how to speak to you properly. It will take time but she'll learn. Please don't tell me that you didn't give your son that second glass of milk..... But I can bet you didn't, further giving her the right to rudely question your decision. Unbelievable.
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Avatar_n_tn
oops....didn't check my writing before posting....


I meant to say .....Please don't tell me that you didn't give your son that second glass of JUICE...But I bet you DID, further giving her the right to rudely question your decision. Unbelievable."
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Avatar_n_tn
I have simular issues with my eight year old son. He is currently on 30mg of adderall (adderrall) XR. He has severe episodes of disresect towards myself and others. It doesn't matter who it is. It could even be a teacher at school. He has to constantly argue about everything and does not take responsibility for his own actions. It gets to the point where I think it may be a control issue with him. My boyfriend of 3 years is extremely strict (almost too strict) with him and my son will rarely argue with him because he knows he will be punished for a VERY long period of time where as with me I may ground him to his room with no luxuries for the day. My boyfriend will take away his current activity, like on the following weekend going bowling, ground him, yell at him and take away any of his current interests like baseball for the week. I find this a bit extreme but it works for him. He always tells me "NO!" or that he hates me, or even that he is going to run away. He sees a therpist but he seems to just go there to "tell on us" almost to just prove we are wrong. I know this may be a good way for him to wvent and to talk about his feelings but it just seems nothing makes him happy. Does this indicate he is ODD?
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Avatar_n_tn
My 7 year old daughter has been acting out like this only with anger and trantrums.  It just dawned on me the other day that my 13 year old acted the same way around this time.  We all assumed she would start her period early.  I am hoping that this is just a Pre-PMS/Menstrual kind of thing and nothing more.  My 13 year old became a nice person again at around 9 or 10. ha.  But with much torture between those years.
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Avatar_n_tn
Have two females, two males...let me tell ya. The males tend to be alot less "dramatic", but I do know what ya mean.  My 11 year old daughter is all mouth...I often tell her....with all that mouth...you might wanna put that hair up (hair to her butt), meaning...at times I really wanna pull it out!!!!  I'm hoping its a puberty thing and it will be over soon.  But hey, what is the saying, "On your toes when they're little...on your heart when they're grown"  This may be nothin...
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Avatar_n_tn
We too have a very difficult 8 year old and can sympathize with all of you.  People don't REALLY understand until you've been there.  We are a special group.  I have tried everything mentioned even to the verge of spanking(didnt do a thing but just got her madder) - I even took her to a psychiatrist - They tell me she's very smart and there was nothing they could help me with ( I begged for medication with no luck- then begged for valium for me HAHA) They just told me to take a parenting class (been there have done several)  Does any one have a real solutions?  I am very tired of fighting her everyday.  My problems get worse when I try to disipline her for a misbehavior.  The disipline turns out to be a bigger deal than the original problem. How do our children get so disrepectful?  Mine is an only child  and I'm a stay at home mom, She is not around teenagers, although she thinks shes one.  I swear she has an old soul. She was born on our 12th  anniversary so maybe she thinks she 20 after waiting 12 years to be born.  
Gee when I was a child if my parents looked sternly at me I jumped- what happen to those days?  

I alway thought I would be a pretty good cool mom - now I wonder if I'll make it at all.   I cry over the fact that she will only remember the bad times which are plenty and not the fun things I do for her like buying season passes to a Six flag ammusement park and  even though I'm scared to death on those rides.  reform school might be next - this week she's refusing to do her homework.
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Avatar_n_tn
I think those times when we could "spank" a child, the government took that away.  I dont think that is the answer now-a-days because these kids are different.  I have noticed that parents that say their kids are disrespectful to them, are not around strangers, which to me seems to be a act of choice.  I think discipline has to start from the beginning.  I always told my kids (15 & 9) from the beginning, "you get what you need, and earn what you want."  I have that "friend" relationship with my daughter (15), but she as well as my son knows when I am serious.  I agree with taking away from a child (toys, games, etc).  Good Luck.
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Avatar_n_tn
We are working with a child psychologist and he referred to the condition as "Oppositionally Defiant". We have been working on social skills.  How to interact in a pleasant way with others. He began playing games with her and observing her reactions.  Social settings are hard for these children and they seem to show their butts in public.  My daughter wants everything immediatly.  We took up doing puzzles together so she could see the beginning, the middle and the end.  Learning patience and to work together as a group.  They can't always be the boss.  It's a slow process.   I'm exhausted as a parent and we haven't even hit the teenage years........
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