Autism and inappropriate touching

Question

I have a 14 year old autistic son that has recently developed a "curiosity" about sex. When his dad and I try to talk to him about sex, he gets very embarrassed and says he doesn't want to know, covers his ears and runs out of the room. I didn't want to force the subject on him but knew that he needed at least the basics. Because of his autism it has been very difficult to explain details to him or for him to relate any questions to us. That being said, we found out that he had been searching the words sex and girls on our home computer, which of course brought the very information we were trying to avoid. We again explained to him in more detail about sex and the dangers of pornography and that we did not want him exposed to that type of material. However, we wanted him to know that what he was feeling was normal and a way of nature taking its course. We felt like we had an understanding until now. We just found out that he got on our computer (without permission or supervision) and looked at porn. Later that night he and his brother (who is 11) were playing on the XBOX and he fell asleep in his room. Our son with the autism was inappropriate with him. From the information I have been able to gather, he put his hands down his shorts and touched his butt, while touching himself. Both of them say he did not touch his penis. My younger son woke up and told him to stop, which he did.Needless to say this raises HUGE red flags for me and my husband. We have already contacted a behavioral health clinic and he set to go n for an appt. in 5 days-- not soon enough. When we confronted him about this, he was extremely remorseful, claiming he doesn't know why he did it. Is this signs of things to come? or is this an impulse control issue? Could he face criminal charges? I don't want to blow this off or stick my head in the sand. I am greatly concerned, I have the interest of both of my children at stake. I have spoken to the clinic regarding my younger son as well, I don't want him to suffer either. Any advice you could give would be appreciated. Thank you --- worried mom

This discussion is related to What is normal sexual behavior between siblings?.

yngdad · Answer

I don't see it being a big deal.He was being curious he's autistic so he's a lil behind in development.Most kids are curious and will do things like that. Taking him to a counselor isn't going to help. Just make him more uncomfortable.

margypops · Answer

I agree with melipops about the issue ..and I also think that once the elder one is having help and realises he cannot behave like that all will be okay, counseling is what family needs now. ..good luck  .

melipops · Answer

Hi, I would be worried about this also. At least he only touched his butt. i think that people are naturally curious and because of his disability he probably didn't know what was right or wrong about this. I would get him a simple book about sex and leave it for him to read when he is not embarrassed. I think he neds to know the boundaries of personal space and these aren't easy to teach to someone who doesn't get these things. We know we have a 13 year old son who is autistic. I would think now that you have explained that this is wrong he would not do it again obviously if he does there is a huge problem for your family. Be careful not to make him so ashamed that he will cut off from speaking to you at all. He did realise that when his brother told him to stop he did. I think you are right in getting him help. I doubt he will face charges unless you and your husband and younger son want this? He needs to know that sex is about being in love and the consensual act  between two people and not your siblings. I think this is one more of those situations where unfortunately the "normal" siblings has to teach their older sibling about things. Hopefully your younger son shrugs this off as another situation where he thinks silly duffer older brother. That said if he is upset please get him the appropriate help. Good luck I hope things sort out for you and your family. Family counselling could help ou too. I am sad for you all. Cheers Melipops