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BAD behavioral issues with my 3 year old step son

I am a newlywed, It will be a year in Febuary. I have two children who are 13 and 11. My husband has a 3 year old son he will be 4 in a few months . And due to custody issues. My kids and I moved clear across the country so we can all be together as a family.
The first time I met his son, the visit went well. I could see the "bratiness" but I though it was normal..typical 3 year old.
We get him every week, one week we get him 2 days then the next week we get him four days. I have lived in our new location which is my husbands home town. Since June, and my stepson has gotten worse. His behavior impacts the whole house. My kids are wel-behaved and pretty much have always been. So maybe I am just used to that. But, my stepson is just horrible. He constanly talks back, doesn't listen, hits, bites, spits. He has spit on both of my kids. He has hit me a few times, he throw temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He has cussed. When i try and discipline him he doesn't listen. My husband, constanly is telling him no..everytime he is at our house, that's all you here is NO, stop, i am going to spank you but never does, counting. The counting doesn't work. The time out doesn't work.  It has gotten to the point that when he is at our house, i want to leave i don't even want to be here. And whay is hard is because i have no one here...i have no where to go other than the gym. My kids and even embarressed to go any where with him, cause they are embarressed by his behavior in public, he always acts up. Screams is loud.  I would think because we do get to spend more often then your usual every other weekend that his behavior would change but iut hasn't. My husband has no problem discipling my kids...but when it comes to his son..he give him way to many chances before a punishment. I understand the age is different he is about to be 4, but he is extremley smart and i feel he plays us against eachother. Some of his behavior comes from his mother. Its gotte to the point that my husband and i argue everytimes he is here....and we are close to divorcing because of it. I don't want to let a 4 year old kid break our marriage and that's what i feel is happening.
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Avatar universal
This child is doing everything for your attention.
First is the competetion to exist among strangers.  The second could likely be the difference in lovability.  
The third is, what is going on at the other house.
Fourth and most important, this could be the sign of a serious condition.
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
I'd begin to consider that my first duty is not to my new husband but to my children.  Leaving would be a definite option, to move back to the town where you lived before and were happy as a family.  Though I might not go quite so far, there is a lot of wisdom in Dr. Laura's advice that if children are in the picture, adults should not even date until the kids are out of the house, much less marry.
Helpful - 0
757137 tn?1347196453
Since this is not your son, it is up to your husband to straighten him out. The child is in an awkward position. He is with his mother with one set of rules, and with you and your family for another. Also it is possible that both the boy's parents are concentrating on winning his  love, instead of preparing him for adulthood. The best arrangement would be for your husband to sit down with his ex to discuss the cause of his behavior and to develop a unified approach to correcting it.

I presume the boy is unhappy, and his bad behavior can only make him more unhappy. But you have to think of yourself. You are in the unenviable position of taking the abuse and not being able to fight back. If your husband does not find a way to help his son, you just may end up leaving him.
Helpful - 0
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